Desperate, am I in the wrong place?

Merlot

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/pdf-iva-guide.pdf

This is Martins advice on IVA, I hope it helps.

Merlot.x.

Forgetmenot68

Thanks Merlot and Pania. My husband has had to go in to work so I'm going to compose a letter to our building Society asking them nicely if they would consider extending the term of our mortgage, and then do some comparison sites for utilities etc. At some point I will put the children to bed and resist the temptation to have a glass of wine (bought when we thought we still had money). I'm so frustrated. I know the one organsiation that you can't afford to annoy is the one that has the power to take your home away - and my husband didn't realise that. It's my fault too of course. I shouldn't have assumed he'dthink of everything when he'd never done it before, but I just wanted him to grow up and take some responsibility. And I should have kept an eye on the credit card bills, but he was borrowing money from card to pay another and I had no idea because I liked the fact that I wasn't having to deal with it any more, and he never told me there was a problem. He called me when I was out to say he'd just called Virgin and they needed payment within 15 minutes if it wasn't going to be late, AGAIN... and how should he pay them? I only presuaded them to restore the 0% rate yesterday after I noticed we were paying interest having retrieved the statements from my husband - we'd lost the rate because he'd been late twice in a row with the payments.

I guess this type of thing is tough on couples. We'll be OK, though we just had a horrible couple of hours. And I'm hardly not to blame either.

xx

Merlot

You have both been through a heck of alot, don't be so hard on yourself or your OH, you need the glass of wine, seriously thinking even with cutting down on things on your SOA, you are still in negative each month, I hate saying this but I think unless someone can think of anything else, you are going to have to think seriously about selling your home. (I really didn't want to say that).

Starlett

Have a glass of wine...


Starlett x x

Jelly_Babies

Hi FMN

Try not to be too despairing. As a last case scenario you do have the house, I know it's far from an ideal but it is an option if all else fails.

What are your chances of getting a job, have you started looking around? Obviously extra money will make a big difference to your monthly income.

For the short term though I would suggest selling anything you can (within reason of course!). WhenI had my LBM I sorted out loads of clothes, CDs, DVDs, toys etc and ebayed, amazoned and car booted until I had nothing left to get rid of. I signed up with quidco and have had a lot of cash back when renewing car insurance etc.

In relation to your pet insurance, I would think carefully before cancelling it. We had no problems with our cat and then in the space of 3 months he cost us £100's, fortunately we were insured but I had nearly cancelled it!

Re shopping, it's amazing what a difference menu planning can make. It is hard, esp with the rocketing prices but you can shop on a budget and eat well. I also find if I go to the shops (particularly Mr T) late on a Sunday I get a lot of discounted food.

Are all your cards on 0%, if not, can you move them around? Also, if you can't move them and they are at stupid % can you ring them and ask them if they can reduce their interest? Sometimes they do, esp if you tell them you are thinking about moving the money elsewhere.

Unfortunately, as me and my family discovered, we can't afford the luxuries and have cancelled Sky, Gym etc. Also moved utilities around. Makes a huge difference and will make you feel you are doing something positive.

Lastly though, please don't be so hard on yourself or your husband. You have faced up to the debt and you had a very valid and more important reason for taking your eye off the ball. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, I cannot even imagine how you are coping.

Be gentle with yourself, this will all work out and over the new few days you will no doubt feel so relieved it is out in the open and you are dealing with it.

Take care xx

p.s. have a glass of wine, or two......

jackie710

Hi,

I have just read your thread and really feel for you - but just to let you know you are not the only one!
We have 29,000 debt which CCCS said at present we cannot pay off as our outgoings are 430.00 over our income - very similar to your situation. All I can do at present is find more work (self-employed - both of us!) But the debt still keeps mounting up with interest! The guys here have also adviced me not to add the debt to my mortgage although I think that would be impossible as I am in arrears with the mortgage to the point of repossession.
I have had thoughts of selling and releasing the capital in my mortgage but my husband is very adamant not to sell!!
I also have to deal with ALL the finances - my husband will not entertain it!! So the past year I HAVE HAD ALL THE STRESS and not being able to communicate with him as he totally ignores me!
It is only since I have found this forum that I have felt more postive with all the support and able to move forward with all the good advice.
I am now going ebay mad listing all the stuff I don't use and re-organising my life and being up to date with my finances. Just need now to find more work to pay off the creditors.
Good Luck with everything and it can be sorted -not overnight might take few years but think of all that spare money when we have done it!!
P.S Cheers - I also have treated myself to a couple of glasses of wine!!

DizzyMum_2

Hello,

I'm going back a few posts but, would you save anything if instead of your OH driving to the station he took a scooter.

This is what my OH does as parking is £10 per day :eek: for a car but, free for a scooter and in the long term after the initial outlay for us the scooter is much cheaper to run and insure etc.

Good luck

Em

Forgetmenot68

I have cried so much reading the above posts. I've had a look at houses and of course we can downsize - we may even be able to stay in the same village to minimise disruption for the children. And our daughter is buried here. I would hate to move very far from her grave.

The scooter is a good idea Dizzy Mum - any idea how mcuh they are? We could sell his car and that would be something.

I know it's stress that's made us fall out today, but we've stayed together through our daughter's illness and since she died, and we'll get through this too.

Perhaps a glass of wine now will stop me crying.

Jelly_Babies

Bless you, you are all being incredibly brave and I totally understand your reasons for not wanting to leave your village. As a mother, I really feel for you.

You will get through this, you have had to deal with so so much more heartache and you will see each other through this. Keep posting on this board and we'll all keep supporting you.

I think wine is an excellent idea. Put the debts to bed tonight and try and relax together xx

mizmir

Don't despair and as others have said have that glass of wine. You are bound to feel frustrated but don't beat yourself or your OH up - to be honest it is not surprising things have slipped with what you have both been through. If there are possible properties in your village that you could buy and have enough to cover the moving costs and pay the debts off then it is worth looking at at least. That costs nothing. But it isn't worth it unless you are able to clear the debts with the equity in your house. Consolidation is not a good idea - been there, done that - still got the debts to prove it. :rolleyes:

Extra income would really make a huge difference. Perhaps a way forward is to write down all the things you could do and then order them according to which would make a significant difference then prioritise those - sometimes we can get caught up in all the detail and not do the important things.