I really need a sounding board please dont critisise

piratess

Ok ive been muling over posting here but felt i needed to because i dont know what to do next!

My 13yr son has ADHD is on medication for it and lives with his dad about 4 hours away by car he has lived with his dad for 6 yrs ... yesterday his dad rang me to say he coulnt cope with our son anymore and that if i didnt do somthing he was going to be given up to be put into care! ..... He said he'd spoken to our son about the way he behaves etc and has actually told him whats going to happen!
The thing that caps it all off is that aparently his father is now working nights 5 nights a week at least and leaving our son at home alone from 6pm till 7am im furious The thing is i dont know where they are now living so i cant just go and get him! Hes been told not to tell anyone!

Ive rung social services and they have told me that aslong as he is ok and safe then theres not alot they can do!

who else can i ring? I managed to get my daughter to ring her nan last night and my son ended up staying there for the night but my ex then rang my son and had a go at him about telling people he was alone! :mad:

I dont know what else to try My ex has said that if SS go to him and say about changing his hours or ending up with our son being removed he said he would tell SS to take him as hes not changing his hours!

Oh help!

Curv

Gosh, you must be really worried... I don't understand though - it it right that your ex won't tell you where your son is but he wants you to have him?

Are you able to take your son if you could get to him?

frugallass

I obviously don't know your family history / background but is there a particular reason why your son lives with dad?

galvanizersbaby

Hi

It doesnt seem right that you don't know where your son is living with his dad - any idea why this info is being withheld from you?
Has your ex said that he would like you your son to live with you as he's having trouble coping?

piratess

Thanks .... he lives with his dad thro his choice he wanted to stay with his dad
then his dad got a g.f and they lived together in the house that we had lived in so that was ok i knew the address
and then they moved and then his dad decided it was fine for me to just have a relatives address for cards etc and when i ring our son i have to ring his relatives at a time he will be there !
hes on his own now with our son.
Ex wants me to take him (in his mood at the moment) but would NO WAY want me in the place he lives so would bring him half way
He goes out of his way to make things awkward!

Ive just rung the SS and they have told me that as long as my son is safe theres "not alot we can do" ...........

I would take my son in a heartbeat! ... Ive also told SS this and they have told me an assessment would need to be done! WHY! ... it was a verbal agreement why he went! ... my son chose to go! ...

frugallass

piratess wrote: »

.. Ive also told SS this and they have told me an assessment would need to be done! ...

were SS involved when your son first went to live with his dad?

Could you maybe suggest that your son spends the summer holidays with you (if that's practical of course) - giving everyone a bit of breathing space and you some QT with your son.

cheepskate_2

piratess wrote: »

The thing is i dont know where they are now living so i cant just go and get him! Hes been told not to tell anyone!

I managed to get my daughter to ring her nan last night and my son ended up staying there for the night

I am assuming from your post that you have no access to your son .
Also dont know if daughter stays with you, but why couldnt you go and collect child from nans, i assume you know her address.
Can you not call your son and find his address, i would assume from your post that you would know the tel number or be able to 1471 it.
Again this is al assumptions .

piratess

No SS wernt involved atall never have been involved
I have said about having him for a few months as a trial thing because i have to think of the other children to but then what happens if we cant cope?

i couldnt go to get him from his nans as they have told me not to darken their door! .. when i left my ex i had to lie as he was violent and made threats to kill me if i tried so i told him my gran was ill in cornwall and that we needed to see her ... and i didnt go back me and the kids left with the clothes on our backs . And for that she doesnt want to know me atall I do have their phone number.

I have access to my son just not often he was supposed to come down last summer and because my ex wouldnt meet us half way on a saturday (only day my OH had off) he told me id dumped my son to go have a [EMAIL="b@strd"]b@strd[/EMAIL] child with somone else so i didnt get to see him.

Both my children from this marraige live with me i have a 14 and a 10 yr old daughter .. my 14yr has washed her hands of her dad and wants to change her name as soon as possible (she made her own mind up about him)

Im waiting for SS to ring me back Im concidering ringing the cpo to see if they can do anything! why wont SS take me seriously?

frugallass

piratess wrote: »

why wont SS take me seriously?

generally because they've probably got more pressing issues to deal with and will only get involved if it becomes 'serious'. Meanwhile that doesn't help you !

Have you tried contacting one of the many charities for advice?

Would your son be able to travel by train on his own to you?

Surely as a parent you have a legal right to contact with your son? Have you ever been told (in an official capacity) that you can't see your son?

Sorry for all the questions

piratess

hi thats fine i dont mind the questions
i can contact him thro his grandparents or his mobile

As for traveling yeah he probably could if i bought the ticket for him the problem he would have is getting to the station as he lives 10miles out of town in a small village

and ive never had an official involvement for anything to do with my son or our other children atall

Uniscots97

piratess wrote: »

hi thats fine i dont mind the questions
i can contact him thro his grandparents or his mobile

As for traveling yeah he probably could if i bought the ticket for him the problem he would have is getting to the station as he lives 10miles out of town in a small village

and ive never had an official involvement for anything to do with my son or our other children atall

Why not get an appointment (first one is usually free) with a law firm that specialise in parental law. They might be able to advise the best steps. Also contact the CAB see if there's any charities that may also be able to advise you regarding coping with your son's condition should you decide to go for custody.

As for the abuse you suffered, did you ever confide in anyone that could back you up? Were you hospitalised by your ex? If you were, this could be used as proof of why you had to leave.