Mortgage after relationship split

magoo121

firm but fair, i'll see how the meeting goes, but i do agree, i refuse to spend money so she can get what she wants.

CB1979_2

the only reason i say that is you need to give her the push she needs, if you leave and continue paying you'll get her taking the p!ss and soon you'll be subidising her new lifestyle whether it be with a new fella in there or not and would be making a mug of you.

if you have sky/broadband/phone and in your name then cancel them and let them know what's going on.

joint account i'd stop paying into that too.

(this would be my "tactics" for both male & female)

galvanizersbaby

CB1979 wrote: »

the only reason i say that is you need to give her the push she needs, if you leave and continue paying you'll get her taking the p!ss and soon you'll be subidising her new lifestyle whether it be with a new fella in there or not and would be making a mug of you.

if you have sky/broadband/phone and in your name then cancel them and let them know what's going on.

joint account i'd stop paying into that too.

(this would be my "tactics" for both male & female)

I agree with CB to a certain extent re tactics - hard to comment without knowing your ex but it doesn't sound as though she's given any great thought to what happens next!
I guess if you leave and stop paying your half of the mortgage you are leaving yourself in a vunerable position if she doesn't keep up the payments - hopefully you can come up with a reasonable solution between you before the property sells - surely she must understand that you are not going to want to live there/move out and just continue to pay your share of the mortgage indefinately? :eek:
You know best how to deal with your ex but CB is right you might need to be firm
You will want to stop paying towards all household related bills as soon as you move out and it is a good idea as CB says to contact them to let them know the situ.
I had a joint account with my ex which he racked up a large overdraft on when we split - fiortunately I had already contacted the bank and though I was jointly responsible for the debt legally they could see it was his cashpoint card making all the debits and I had stopped using it altogether so he had to agree to pay it off.
Make sure you cover yourself! - hope you can get out of this awful situ asap - do feel for you!

debs66_2

hi, when i split from my hubby, he moved out and i remained in the house with our 2 kids until the divorce was sorted out (he bought me out and still lives there).

as we were both on the mortgage, we were equally responsible for paying it, but the person living in the house was soley responsible for the household bills/utilities. if you move out, you are not responsible for the everyday running costs - she is.

good luck

magoo121

CB, i have cancelled / given notice on the stuff i pay for, so those wheels are already in motion.
Thanks again for all your advice, it's reassuring to speak to people who have come out the other side of this situation.

MrsTinks

Make sure if you have any joint accounts you get them cancelled!

How she chooses to remain in the house is up to her - You want to sell your share or the whole house - she can a) buy you out (how this happens is her problem NOT YOURS!) or b) agree to sell it with you.

Those are the options as far as I can see. Stop worrying about how she will finance stuff - no matter who ditched who it's NOT your problem how she lives her life. You can by all means choose to be there for her as a friend, but you are no longer a couple and that means you have your own life to lead now too

magoo121

UPDATE:
well, it's nearly all sorted, this is what's happened:
i was told it would be about £4k to get out of the mortgage :eek: so i decided to do a bit of digging, i found out there is a 'change of borrower' fee you can pay (about £450), my name is taken off the mortgage and another name, in this case the family member, is credit checked and if it all goes though the names are swaped and i'm freed from the mortgage, also the Abbey (who the mortgage was with) added my half of the equity to the total mortgage so i get a few quid as well, i moved out about a month ago and am feeling a lot more positive, still have really low days, but i do feel like i'm heading in the right direction.

i wanted to say thanks for your kind words and hope the information i found out and used will halp someone else.

cheers

Magoo121.

bluebell13

Glad to hear you are getting your life back on track and I wish you all the best for the future. They do say time is a great healer and I have found this to be the case in the past.