Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

I realize at this point that I must sound like a right !!!!!, so I apologize. I'm not usually like this but I'm having one of those nights where everything is getting to me and this is just the icing on the cake.

xx

alba37

I understand why you are feeling like this about her. It's really not nice to have someone copy you in so many ways.... no wonder you're annoyed. I like yuour glasses, that's a lovely pic.

I'm really off to bed now! Sleep well Anni, put her out your mind.

A x x x

LadyMorticia

Thanks Alba. It's my "Are you serious?" look and I think the glasses add a nice effect to it.lol.

To be honest this "friend" isn't really a friend as friends are supposed to recipricate support and she doesn't...not in the slightest. She's more of an acquaintance but it's still annoying.

Night night hun. I'm off to bed too. Getting my eyebrows waved later. Eek!

xx

Stephb1986_2

morning everyone how are you all today?

I hope your ok

sorry i wasnt around last night decided to clean my room and went to bed early

Have a good day

love hugs and kisses

Steph xx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:

Sorry I haven't read back yet, but I had a couple of replies to get out - still a couple (of thousand!) to go.
Thinking of you all as always.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Diamond78

Morning All You Lovely People,
Hope everyone is well and looking after themselves.

Chollita, sorry if i spelt your name wrong, your lovely and so pretty, no way do you look your age hun.Even tho Im 30, sometimes I feel older than 60.Somedays I feel like a tenager again lol.

I have an appointment a little later on. I use to smoke cannabis so I refered myself to a self help kind of organisation through my gp. I have been 3 times now as I had started smoking it again. Please dont critise me please as its been really hard. Some ppl think if one smokes cannabis, they take all drugs but I dont. I have been smoking it on anf off for over 10 years and I feel it has affected my mental health a lot and I never want to smoke the stuff again. It use to help me with my back pain and eating but Id rather suffer than smoke it. Some of the ppl that come into the centre have worse addictions to worse drugs, I should be so grateful I am not in their position. Its times like this when I realise how fortunate I am. Im in a care plan now and it seems to help but its still so hard. I need to stop smoking normal ciggies too but everytime I try I fail.I get so annoyed and aggitated. I will sucseed one day tho.

Anni, your glasses really suit you sweety.. Sorry to hear about your friend that is copying you, shes not a true friend then, she seems jealous of you.

The weather isnt to bad today altho as Ive just typed that its turned grey. I got soaked yesterday going to pick up little man from school.

FG, what will you be learnig to drive?Manual or automatic?
It will really boost your self esteem and confidence.

I really need to get myself in gear and put stuff on ebay as I need to book our flights to go and see my mum. My sons really missing her and my brother but Im dreading it. Does anyone know of any cheap sites to book flights?

Hugs. love and kisses to you all.
xxx

Tiff_2

Hi anni! :hello:
I'm sorry it's taken me so long so get back to you angel - I had wanted to reply earlier last week after your appointment, hun.

Before anything else, I want to say something that is quite obvious. It is not meant to insult your intelligence sweetie - I know you're a bright and very articulate lady, anni. This simple point can be something worth bearing in mind the next time a crisis hits any one of us.

This time last week, you were in pieces - terrified of going to the ED clinic, fighting anxiety for all you were worth, then feeling devastated with the results and left reeling from the aftershock as it were.
This week, you're going out, the sun is shining, posting to help others, socialising on the thread and you've enjoyed your drop-in group.
That, my angel, is pure inspiration and I raise the point for two reasons - to give a little hope for when things get really rough for us, and to make you aware of just how much you have achieved by surviving this last crisis. As I'd promised, the appointment came and went and normal life kicked in again. BUT, you are the one who has gotten yourself through this week in whatever way you could. You were so low and yet you still used your coping techniques to keep yourself safe and I think that took courage! I'm proud of you anni.

I've put all your posts after the appointment together, because I only have 2 brain cells left and 1 of them has gone away on its annual two week timeshare holiday in Chernobyl! Right then, I'm just going to jump right in, if that's okay with you, hun?

anni wrote:

They said I have moderate to severe anorexia and that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder but they can't diagnose me officially because it's not their area to diagnose in. And what are they going to do to help me? !!!! all! They're just going to refer me back to my GP... They said that they are going to write my diagnosis etc in a letter to me and about the BPD and send a copy to my GP. Going to send a copy to Allison too. Oh the joys of Allison! As you can see when I'm hurt, my sarcasm defense mechanisms go into overdrive. I feel rejected and hurt. At the moment I'm just trying to keep myself safe because I feel so horrible and worthless. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to hear this scenario, angel. But if you'd felt any other way after going through this, then I'd be very worried about you. It was a huge shock for you. I can understand that BPD is not their area, but imho, moderate to severe anorexia is! I know you must be feeling turned upside down hun and my heart goes out to you.

Remind me, dear heart - what the tiff is an allison?!

anni wrote:

I don't understand either SF. Neither does Nikki. How can they say I have effectively two disorders and then not help me?

It can be really hard to be able to hear all the information we're being told, if something already said has really thrown us. That's not saying in any way that you're blowing it up out of all proportions. So what were their comments regarding the anorexia issues hunnie?
I can see the need for a professional psych to oversee and manage the dual diagnosis, as one could obviously affect the other. So they do have to be more careful in situations of dual diagnosis. I'm hoping that this will be the case and that you will receive specialised treatment for both illnesses - I can't see how you can be left to manage on your own. Don't give up yet, hunnie.

anni wrote:

I want to get better. I really really want to get better but this has been such a knock back that it's going to take a long while to get over the hurt and rejection I feel. My BMI is 15. They went through everything. How I feel about myself, and my shape and weight. My feelings, how much I hate myself, everything. Self harm, the works and they're still not going to help me. Tonight will be spent trying to keep myself safe.

It's entirely understandable that you felt rejected hunnie - and I think that's something most of us here will have in common and understand. When we get very distressed over something angel, it usually kick starts a chain reaction and all the baggage comes to the surface at the same time and we end up attacking ourselves emotionally, imho. No-one can deny how hard you're trying hun.

anni wrote:

May I also add that Nikki got angry. Not aggressive angry, but angry that they are turning me away from the help I need. I hated her seeing me cry. I hate appearing weak and vulnerable.

You are not superhuman hun - you're allowed to cry and feel vulnerable. As survivors, we tend to think of things like these as being weaknesses. They're not. I've mentioned before that crying under stress like that, is a necessary physical reaction from the body to get rid of the negative chemicals caused by the stressful situation. It's like carpet-cleaning for your brain and your bloodstream.

anni wrote:

Nikki said I should complain too. She said that they are sending me mixed messages and that to someone with BPD that can be quite damaging. She says she's going to fight with me all the way and will help me if I want to complain. Looked on the website. Some of the services that came up I have already used and some I can't afford to pay for.

anni wrote:

Seeing my doctor on Monday so will see what my options are then but I really don't think it's fair for them to say I have these two disorders and then say they can't give me help. They said that even if I got a lot worse they wouldn't help me. I'm so worthless. I'm not even worth help.

I haven't read back yet hunnie, so I don't know what's been said this week. But again - and it's just my humble opinion - the possibility that what they actually mean is that they can't just start treating you angel because of the dual diagnosis situation. They may have to be guided by the rules there are and that may include them needing to treat you under the guidance of a specialist dr, as opposed to treating you themselves and the other condition being neglected. This could be a case of bad communication on their part.

I also want to humbly suggst hun, that sometimes we try a treatment and it doesn't feel any good at the time...BUT a few months or even years, down the line, it could be just the answer you're looking for. New advances are made in various fields.

I applaud nikki for being such a supportive friend to you sweetie, and it must make you feel even better to know that she understands because of her own mental ill health. However, just as I would with anyone else, I'd urge you to base your decisions on contact with a professional. And here are just the peeps to do it. I ran all the way down to the Tiff archives,, and I hunted out a contact in your particular area.
I'm sure everyone here knows that I am an avid supporter of independant mental health advocates , and these professionally trained people will accompany you to appointments, fight your corner and represent you at meetings even, as well as advising you as to what can and can't be done, even helping with benefits, housing and social services issues. They will guide you with making a complaint, even down to writing letters and chasing up on situations. They are trained to know the rules for mental health issues anni and could be just what you need. They can sometimes make a complaint have a quicker outcome because of their professional experience, because they know who to contact and for what issue. They are there to act in your best interest and fairly to all parties. It can't hurt to give them a call, can it angel?

Here's the link for you anni, and also a quote from their website which explains what these lovely people do...

http://www.mentalhealth.huntsmind.org.uk/advocacy_information_advice/south_cambridgeshire/advocacy/

site wrote:

Formal Advocacy: a form of independent one to one advocacy that aims to protect an individual’s right through providing information, assistance and representation. Individuals using mental health services either in the hospital or the community can get the support of an advocate to enable them and support them in trying to obtain the services they want and assert their rights. The advocate deals with a broad range of issues, mental health rights, appeals and tribunals, present and future care and treatment, medication, access to medical records, housing rights, financial difficulties, welfare benefits, contacting solicitors and assistance with forms and letters. Advocates are either paid workers or trained volunteers. A mental health advocate is independent of the mental health system and will represent a service user’s interests if requested. Those interests are defined by the service user.

And here's another link that may be useful if you want to make a complaint...

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Legal/Legal+briefing+-+How+to+complain+about+Health+and+Social+Care.htm

anni wrote:

I was told that BPD can't be controlled by meds because it's a personality disorder and not a chemical imbalance. Do you mean they lied to me?

I honestly don't think they lied to you hunnie, imho. We have to remember hun, that there are different approaches to not only different ilnesses, but also to the same illnesses. What works for one person with BPD may not work for someone else. That's why it's never a good idea to hang on to what someone posts with the same illness as gospel - they aren't you sweetheart. Even if it's a personality disorder angel, they can still treat the symptoms/effects and you can have a good life. I know you've been struggling for a long time but you can't let go of the steps forward you have made.

anni wrote:

My GP is very supportive but I always have this thing in the back of my mind that says "Yeah, Anni, but then they'll just pick you up and drop you like everyone else". It's a hard thing to get out of my head. I get on really well with my doctor. She's so lovely and gentle and I can open up to her but then I worry that I trust her too much and I'll only get hurt.

You are lucky to have found such a supportive gp anni - hang on to her. Don't be afraid to let her do her job because you're afraid she might leave.
I can honestly understand your fears hunnie. I've lost 2 of the best professionals on my team in the last year, as they progressed into new areas. I'd finally found the perfect team and I was more than gutted to lose the two drs - not just the Consultant, but his Registrar too! It was even harder because I'd become their client after having had a dr who really was worse than useless. I wanted to treat him!


My first thoughts were that I'd been through 'x' amount of time with these two drs, emptied my heart and my head with them, and I'd made progress with them. Their leaving seemed to come out of the blue - what had I done wrong? What had I done to deserve this? I felt rejected and helpless and it felt personal. I found the thought of having to get to know a new dr and re-explain everything so depressing. Everything felt broken apart.

Thankfully I've still got my truly amazing cpn who is helping to bridge the settling in curve with my new dr. My feelings were nothing against the new dr at all, because she is lovely - it's just taking me time to get used to her - but it seemed all the work I'd done was wasted at the time.


Generally with mental health clients, imho, we can find it hard to trust and don't like sudden changes we have no say in. But, we do also have to keep things in perspective, in the respect that things like this happen to everyone - we just tend to take it a lot more personally.
People do move on in all walks of life for their own personal reasons - getting married or promoted or changing jobs or retiring or any number of things. And it might help to remember that if someone from our care team leaves, they also leave behind their case notes and care plans and the new dr will read, research and consider these. New drs are always supervised when they take on another drs caseload in this field because it is recognized that we are vulnerable.

Change doesn't have to be always bad - unless I say so! - even though it can throw us off-kilter at first. There'll always be someone there to do the job - if they're not right, you can change them or complain about them.
Just as I changed from a joke of a dr to a wonderful team, then I have to give the new dr a chance to work with me the same way - and who's to say that the new person might not turn out to be even better than the others in the long run?

Your journey's not over yet hun, so don't give up. Sorry it's taken so long to write this, but I had to wait for a passing swan to get a new quill.
*Don't tell The Queen or it'll be off to the Tower for the Tiffster! There again, think of all those Beefeaters... :dance:...Nope, I'm afraid that after some consideration, I've decided that men in tights just don't do it for me!*

I better get back to the thread - you can't leave 'em alone for a minute y'know! I really hope that something here has been useful angel.
Regardless, there's always Tiffy hugs.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Before the pelting starts, , this post is all anni's fault for bringing the subject up!

anni wrote:

The person who did the assessment was quite taken aback that I can articulate myself well though. I felt like saying "Well, mental health issues doesn't automatically equal thick now does it?"

Someone pass the soapbox please - thanking you!
There is an almost automatic assumption amongst the ignorant, that mental ill health=dumb. An invitation is therefore posted to such people to
COME HERE AND SAY THAT!!!

I'm sure my cat pics and references must make me seem a dumbed-down blonde, and though it may be hard to believe , but I've had some difficult and very responsible positions in my time, (we won't go into that now! ). I was once, a long time ago now, fairly fluent in German and could get by in French - and me English weren't too bad neeva! I'd like to think I have, had good comunication skills, my inbred Capricorn organising and problem-solving skills and a strong ability to empathise with people.

But with reference to the REALLY intelligent people here, you only have to browse this thread to find the place littered with very clever people, 2:1 degrees, degrees of all kinds actually, working professionals of all kinds including those with high-pressure city management jobs, artistic and creative genius and a barrowful of extremely life-experienced survivors. Aside from their mental ill health and intelligence, there are people here - shaz to name just one! - whose family responsibilities woud have finished off many a 'normal' person and who survive against incredible odds! Intelligence isn't always just rated by exams.

I was told more than once, that mental ill health is actually very common among bright and creative people and there are many celebrities -such as Stephen Fry, for example - who are living proof of that. And sometimes it's much harder for 'intelligent' peeps to deal with their mental ill health because of their intelligence and/or creativity and/or sensitivity and having the ability to know how just much they are suffering. In fact, it can be even crueller to people like that because they can see the theory and understand it all inside out but the level of people's intelligence doesn't mean they're going to get better any quicker.

People with illnesses like diabetes for example, aren't treated automatically as though they're stupid, or patronised...
SO PLEASE DON'T TRY IT WITH US!!!

Tiffy's thought of the day...
Maybe the questioning of intelligence would be better assigned to that of the listener?

(I wrote that - me! - all on my only - and not in crayon neeva!)
Safe journeys guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

sara_501

Morning all

Hope you all slept well esp. Steph (nice one getting an early night )

How is everyone today - got any plans?

Tiff_2

Hi gilly-brock!:hello:
Hah - after a tiP-off, I've just found out what you've been up to!
Only you gilly-badgie!!!
Found this week in the MoneySavers Arms...

gilly wrote:

Let's See Your Jugs.....
Following on from my highly successful Ugly Mug Thread.
I would like to see pictures of any jugs or gravy boats that you use.
I will get mine out when I get home later....

Well gilly-badgie, I know I probably shouldn't encourage you but Tiffy's got a pair of jugs for you to add to your collection!:D :eek:












Heeey - he's kinda cute - about 30 years too young!:p - but cute!
Note to self - really must try and get out more.

Take care gilly hunnie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx