Depression Support Thread

feelinggood_2

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Nikki just emailed me. She said that she thinks the ED clinic might be using the BPD against me as people with BPD are seen as difficult. I never really thought about that before. Whilst it does make me feel relived to know I am not going crazy, I feel judged as well as the rejection I felt before.

Thats why I was so devestated to be diagnosed with BPD. Not only do I not think that it is 'me', it often is a barrier to getting treatment. ED guy said I've got too many problems for them to deal with.

KentishLady

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Nikki just emailed me. She said that she thinks the ED clinic might be using the BPD against me as people with BPD are seen as difficult. I never really thought about that before. Whilst it does make me feel relived to know I am not going crazy, I feel judged as well as the rejection I felt before.

That makes me so mad. That means that you are more in need of their help, not less!!!!!

Thats like when our mental health team discharged DH because he didnt engage. The reason he didnt engage was because he was ill, and the medication zonks him out for 2/3 hours. He takes it at 8 am and it makes him sleep til about 12. They insisted on seeing him at 9 in the morning - well he was basically unconcious so couldnt hear the doorbell - of course they would think it was intentional on his part!!

KL

LadyMorticia

Fg - I've "known" I've had BPD for years but was just waiting for someone to finally say I had the disorder instead of doing all this traits nonsense.lol. It's a double edged sword. I'm glad to be able to put a name to my difficulties and in a sense box them off, but as you said it is a barrier to getting help. They only offered me CAT therapy and they said seeing as I had it when I was 18 and it didn't work it wouldn't be worth it. Hm. What about the CBT, or the motivational therapy they also do? I think they think I'm stupid.lol. I did my research on the ED clinic website before I went to the appointment.

Who diagnosed you with BPD? Was it the psychiatrist? I'm going to ask my doctor to refer me to the consultant psychiatrist. She better not refer me to Allison to act as a "gateway" though. I can't stand her. She thinks that because she has worked with me in the past that I couldn't have possibly got any worse and must be magically better.

KL - That's stupid. Surely they must have some common sense? Somewhere....anywhere....? I don't know sometimes.

xx

KentishLady

LM

I sometimes think they just look at the person and think - can i help him and discharge him in a month? Is he in danger? if the answer to these questions is no they discharge anyway.

He is currently under there care ( a term which can only be used loosely because they aren't working with him at all - social worker will see him 2 more times, the psychiatrist will then see him when they have said they WILL discharge him). He does not have a care plan, he hasn't had a needs assessment, they haven't worked with him to see if he could do any activities, basically they are saying because he is physically ill (and that his mental health symptoms are caused by that illness/medication) that this means none of their services are appropriate for him and he needs to be looked after by someone with knowledge of his physical illness.

They just don't "get" that we can cope with his physical illness. The bit he and I can't cope with is the hearing voices/auditory hallucinations, the flights of fancy (where he thinks I am a millionaire and have bought him a car/boat/aeroplane etc), the paranoia (there are bugs in his ears and teeth, and he is being watched via the tv/pc/electric wiring etc), the famous people he meets in all the most amazing places (yeh right - did you know Richard Branson goes to our gym? lol. As if), oh and the reading meaning into things which have no meaning (a light switch leads to a light bulb which leads to something stupid like my dad will buy him a ferraro).

Oh and then we have the stilted conversations. Stu, do you want a cuppa tea? silence for 10 mins. Then cos he hasnt answered I dont make him one - another 5 mins and its "I thought you were making me tea?" He answered in his head and not out loud!!!!

LOL that is my life anyway when he is ill.

On a good note I went shopping with my sister today and was trusted to entertain baby whilst she tried some clothes on. got myself some socks and DH some shorts. On the way home she was trying to talk to me about my depression and saying I should talk to my dad because he knows what it is like to be depressed about work. I tried to explain that I wouldnt find that helpful because it isnt work that is making me depressed per se. More that the depression had prevented me from being able to do my job which had made the depression worse.

I know she doesnt understand why I am depressed and maybe I should tell her that most of it is because of the not being able to have kids but I remember when we were little and my step mum couldnt have kids she used to get upset and i would feel bad for her and I dont want my relationship with my sister tainted by her feeling guilty for being able to have kids when I cant, nor do I want her to worry about leaving her baby with me. Why is life so complicated?

KL

juno

LadyMorticia (and anyone else who's interested), BEAT are launching a new "pathways to recovery" scheme with you get an ED buddy and regularly correspond with them by phone or email. You can find out more and apply here - it's free, but it's only a trial thing atm so if you're interested it would be a good idea to apply soon.

feelinggood_2

LM - Pysch diagnosed me with BPD, dysthymia, generalised anxiety disorder and social phobia about 2 months ago.

LadyMorticia

Fg - Eek. That's a lot to be dealing with. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12 and PTSD when I was 15. Now I have Anorexia and BPD too. We're like walking mental health dictionaries.lol.

Juno - I'll look into that. Thanks.:)

xx

feelinggood_2

Oh yes, I forgot about the Bulimia! Five disorders, not much fun!

top_drawer_2

hi all,

Sorry I havent been around for awhile ... the computer seems to be broken again - same problem in fact imo... my dad's partner doesnt listen to a word I say and insists that its to do with an email I opened around the time it started going wrong again after getting it back off him. He claimes it was Perfect when it left him ....

Not sure what to do ... take it home again and get him to look at it again or pay to have it looked at and hope that its right ...

Jen

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all ok.I am fine,been to my parents for lunch today and I had a nice time,I will be back on later as I am just off to watch Home and Away on Fiver my balloon race is going well today got at least 3 stars this time so doing well as I have got the idea of what to do and not burnt my boost too fast to get the stars needed


love and light,

Katie xxx