Depression Support Thread

LadyMorticia

Congrats SF. *hugs*

LadyMorticia

Hi.

Appointment was....let's not go there. At least I didn't start crying until the end.
They said I have moderate to severe anorexia and that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder but they can't diagnose me officially because it's not their area to diagnose in. And what are they going to do to help me? !!!! all! They're just going to refer me back to my GP. No, I'm not blowing this all out of context. Nikki was a witness. How can you, in effect, diagnose someone with two illnesses and not help them? They said that they are going to write my diagnosis etc in a letter to me and about the BPD and send a copy to my GP. Going to send a copy to Allison too. Oh the joys of Allison! As you can see when I'm hurt, my sarcasm defense mechanisms go into overdrive. I feel rejected and hurt. At the moment I'm just trying to keep myself safe because I feel so horrible and worthless.

I'm sorry.

xx

slowlyfading

LadyMorticia wrote: »

Congrats SF. *hugs*

Thanks sweetie. I'm so sorry that the appointment didn't go well. I really don't understand how they can diagnose you with moderate to severe anorexia, and then not do anything? Surely that, without the addition of borderline business is enough to warrant help? This is why I refuse to go and see anyone about it, because they do !!!! all. Massive (((((HUGS))))) are being sent you way, I just don't understand why they aren't helping. And then they wonder why so many people struggle. I'm trying to send positive thoughts to you sweetie, and I have msn if you need to talk. xx

LadyMorticia

I don't understand either SF. Neither does Nikki. How can they say I have effectively two disorders and then not help me? I want to get better. I really really want to get better but this has been such a knock back that it's going to take a long while to get over the hurt and rejection I feel.
My BMI is 15. They went through everything. How I feel about myself, and my shape and weight. My feelings, how much I hate myself, everything. Self harm, the works and they're still not going to help me.

Tonight will be spent trying to keep myself safe.

xx

LadyMorticia

May I also add that Nikki got angry. Not aggressive angry, but angry that they are turning me away from the help I need. I hated her seeing me cry. I hate appearing weak and vulnerable. The person who did the assessment was quite taken aback that I can articulate myself well though. I felt like saying "Well, mental health issues doesn't automatically equal thick now does it?"

feelinggood_2

((Hugs)) LM.

I understand how you are feeling. I couldn't believe it when he told me that I am Bulimic but they can't do anything.

Do what you can to stay safe tonight - make sure you've got some numbers to call if you need to. Maybe have a hot bath and wrap yourself in a blanket? Self-soothing or something its called, sure you probably know better than me!

Sorry I can't be more help xx

LadyMorticia

It's horrible, isn't it Fg?

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm not worthy of help and I feel rejected. It's all fair and good them refusing me help, but they don't have to deal with the aftermath.

If I don't get the help I need then I might die from this. It's sad but true. This was a last resort. I can't do this myself. I don't have family to support me and I only have one friend who lives around here and that's Nikki but she also have BPD and a husband and kids. I don't want to invade her life. All my other friends are online friends. I just don't know what to do.

xx

feelinggood_2

LadyMorticia wrote: »

It's horrible, isn't it Fg?

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm not worthy of help and I feel rejected. It's all fair and good them refusing me help, but they don't have to deal with the aftermath.

If I don't get the help I need then I might die from this. It's sad but true. This was a last resort. I can't do this myself. I don't have family to support me and I only have one friend who lives around here and that's Nikki but she also have BPD and a husband and kids. I don't want to invade her life. All my other friends are online friends. I just don't know what to do.

xx

One thing I remember someone saying when I was upset after my recent OD, was that it doesn't matter to them if I go off and top myself, but it matters to me. That means it is my responsibility to fight for help. When she said it, it annoyed me, but looking at it now, it makes sense. Hope it doesn't annoy you, thats not the intention.

Its probably a bit soon for this, but its something to think about, and is a little bit of hope, but when you are feeling a little more stable, you could make a complaint. You could contact you local Patient Advisory Liason Service and talk to them. I've got the details for my local one, and details of how to complain about my CMHT. Luckily they have started helping me now, but just having the information and knowing it was an option helped me to feel a tiny bit of hope.

I know what you mean about feeling like you will die without help. I know our EDs are very different, but they both have a real impact on health. Have you used the 'Help Finder' on the B-Eat website:
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/HelpandSupport
There is an ED Support group near me, maybe there is one near you? There are also lots of links at the SupportLine website:
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/anorexia.php
I've not had the confidence to approach any charities for help, but knowing about them might help. If you have a CPN or something, could you discuss getting help from other places?

You say you don't know what to do. I know that feeling. Its a horrible thing, to feel so helpless and hopeless. Try and remember that it does pass. Just focus on getting through each small chunk of time safely. Do you have a teddy or something you can cuddle? Little things like that can take the edge of the feelings. Maybe put some nice pajamas on? Its silly, but helps me feel a little better. If you do all these little things, you CAN get through this bad patch.

((Hugs))

LadyMorticia

Nikki said I should complain too. She said that they are sending me mixed messages and that to someone with BPD that can be quite damaging. She says she's going to fight with me all the way and will help me if I want to complain.
Looked on the website. Some of the services that came up I have already used and some I can't afford to pay for.
Seeing my doctor on Monday so will see what my options are then but I really don't think it's fair for them to say I have these two disorders and then say they can't give me help. They said that even if I got a lot worse they wouldn't help me. I'm so worthless. I'm not even worth help.

xx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been posting recently. I have been reading the thread daily just didn't feel up to posting a reply.

CONGRATULATIONS to Tiff's son and slowlyfading woohoo! Fantastic :j :j :j You must feel really proud Tiff. Slowlyfading, you worked so hard. I hope you're proud of yourself.


:hello: to all the new posters.

LM, (((HUGS))) I really can't believe they aren't going to help you. It's so very wrong Definitely go back to your GP and insist that someone helps you.