Kids fighting

bank_of_slate

Hi,
I have son age 11
daughter age 5

they are exactly the same, bickering, arguing over pathetic little things that mean nothing at all, fighting, her screaming and nipping.
I try not to shout because it just escalates the noise!
I try to distract the younger one away and get them doing things to keep them occupied.
Completely normal! Sometimes I blow my top, especially on a rainy day like yesterday when I was trying to do my housework and they were couped up with nothing to do, they seemed to be going out of their way to annoy each other!
...Linda xx

RoxieW

Hi there - I have 2 boys age 5 and 4 and I always say they could argue over fresh air!!
I think you have to gauge the situation here -if mine are bickering I first try to get them to resolve the issue ie give him back his toy or let him have a turn on x. If that doesnt work then I take away offending item (if there is one) and sit them both on separate sofas to calm down. If that doesnt work then I send them to their separate bedrooms before having a chat with each one separately about the problem. If the fight becomes physical they're straight to their rooms.
I think siblings will fight. You can do your best to minimize it but it will still happen. Make sure they each get quality time with you on their own so they're not vying for attention so much.
Incidentally, dont tend to fight when we're out as we are busy. They tend to bicker more when bored so perhaps bear that in mind?
Good luck! If all else fails I send them to their rooms - more so that I can calm down then them. I have a nice cup of tea and 5 mins peace. In that time they've usually calmed down and forgotten what they were arguing over!

[Deleted User]

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions.
My comp went down for an hour so I've only just had chance to get back on.
I think I'm going to try warning them once then seperating them see if that works. A kind of one strike and you're out thing.

I do try and make time for both of them on their own but as they both hate me spending time with the other alone they tend to come and interupt. To be fair though I do get time with DD because she doesn't start school until Sept, so on the days when she's not in nursery we are doing things together. However it has made me think that I maybe don't make as much time for DS as I should.

I'm not sure about the penny idea, Keep Motivated, due to the fact that competition in our house leads to tears tantrums and stress. But I will keep it in mind as a back up or to try in a month or so.

But again thank you to all for advice. I really needed to vent when I posted but I was genuinly looking for advice.
Tommorrow is a new day!

SL X

clairg_2

We're all there with you, kids who'd have 'em?? we would, the shouting, the screaming and thats just me!! keep strong it's so much easier when it's someone elses children {i was also a nanny!!} you might find when the youngest goes to school in September and becomes a bit more inderpentant it might die down, but your on your own and there is only so many hours in the day, my brother and i had some mighty fights most of our childhood, he moved to Oz in Jan and i miss him like mad, and one day hopefully they will be like that too, good luck and vent away xx

[Deleted User]

clairg wrote: »

We're all there with you, kids who'd have 'em?? we would, the shouting, the screaming and thats just me!! keep strong it's so much easier when it's someone elses children {i was also a nanny!!} you might find when the youngest goes to school in September and becomes a bit more inderpentant it might die down, but your on your own and there is only so many hours in the day, my brother and i had some mighty fights most of our childhood, he moved to Oz in Jan and i miss him like mad, and one day hopefully they will be like that too, good luck and vent away xx

Aww thank you.
I think the main prob is that I do it on my own there's no grandparent doing anything for them just me. I wake up sometimes in the night and they've both crept in my bed. It's like we're all one person sometimes. I forget where I end and they begin lol

SL x

Keeping_Motivated

Sounds like the tough love is definately needed here. Stop them coming in your bed it will take a few sleepless nights but it will be worth it for your sanity and also a family member of ours was a single mum and she let her child in her bed for years then she met someone and told the child now its got to stop well can you imagine how much that felt like rejection to the child even though it was not intended that way at all.

Easier said than done but make sure once they are asleep you are kind to yourself and allow your self some you time.

You are doing really well its the toughest job in the world it really is and we have all struggled at certain times well I know I have.

KM x

[Deleted User]

I know what you mean. Sometimes it just all seems like too much hard work on top of everything else, but like you say it'll be better for us all in the long term.
To be fair to the eggs I can be pretty inconsistant depending on how tired I am and how high my stress levels are. I can be the 2 extremes of myself, too soft or too stict. That is probably half the problem. It's just really hard doing it all the time lol.
I don't want to sound like i'm saying poor me, because I'm not. I see women who have it alot tougher than me for a variety of reasons. Butbeing a mum is bloody hard work ,whether you're doing it alone or not. The rules are pretty hard to follow lol.:D

SL x

Keeping_Motivated

Yeah the inconsistency will not be helping and imagine how confusing for the kids. I'm not preaching here believe me as I know how hard it is to be consistent with kids but if you make a decision about something like a punishment for behaviour you need to stick to it and also make sure you always stay the parent not become one of the children if that makes sense.

KM x

[Deleted User]

Yeah it makes sense. Sometimes I get so bogged down by it all it all goes to pot. I think thats a little problem. The fighting has got me down so much I'm grumpy and stressed from it, so the rest of my parenting skills vanish.

But I do understand where you're coming from.
Thanks again for your advice.
I'm off to bed now so I'm not grumpy upon waking up.
Night

SL X:D

Keeping_Motivated

Night Sally I hope tomorrow you feel more in control and I hope the children like the 'safety' of mum being in control.

KM x