Taking housekeeping money from your children

superpup

Hi

My daughter started full time work last August. I charge her 1/6 of her weekly wage and she moaned at first (but paid it). I think the main reason she complained is because a couple of her friends only pay £100 a month. But my argument is both friends live in 2 parent households and I'm on my own. Her comeback was 'I thought now you're earning better money, I wouldn't have to pay so much...' !!!!!!!!!???

'Okay, so I do well at work and increase my income so you can benefit from it? Yeah, right!' Not a peep out of her after that.

She's had several payrises since she started and her £30 per week to me is now only 1/8 of her income. I am reviewing it in August (she doesn't know yet, shhhh;) ). Partly because of her increased pay, but also because she looking to spend nearly £9k on a nearly new car. She's got nearly half the money in savings (has saved about half of that herself since starting work). She wants to get finance for the rest. She can easily afford it but I don't agree with spending that much on a car but at the end of the day it's her decision. She plans to hold onto it for years but I can see her changing her mind once a new model she likes comes out.

I think out of both my daughters, she is the one who could potentially get into a mess once she gets her own place and I want to make things a bit harder for her now. That sounds mean but I think you know where I'm coming from. If she wants something she buys it. Fortunately, as she works full time, she doesn't have much time to shop.

I never charged her when she was studying and working part time. She bought all her own clothes, put petrol in her car and never asked for money so that was enough for me.

I've waffled again as I tend to do but I don't think you should take money from her at this point unless you really need it. But make sure she buys all her own stuff.

sp x

boredofbeingathome

My eldest dd, had a full time jol she after she left school, and part time when she started college. I took a percentage off her, and put it in a savings account for text books which were new for new course at time( none second hand) The rest went on new clothes etc. So i felt she had a very good start to college. It also taught her to pay herself some savings..if that makes sense.

jenjade

i would take some and but it in a savings account let it all add up till she wants a car/house then let her have it as a gift. unless you need it to pay for her?

fluffysox

Depends on whether you need the money- I agree with previous posts. Your daughter should be able to use this money to pay for her clothes, toiletries, friends birthday cards, socialising/hobbies and luxury food items- this will save you money anyway.

However it would benefit your daughter to save half her money- if you think she won't be disciplined enough to do this then either save it for her or discuss issues such as driving lessons, university costs etc. Also she may not be able to continue the job throughout the whole year anyway. I teach 11-18 year olds and often the sixth form realise after a few months in that they are struggling to keep up with studies and hold a part time job.

chimp_choker

jo1972 wrote: »

My eldest daughter has just managed to get herself a Sat/Sun job and as soon as she finishes her GCSE's next month she will also be doing some weekday work too until she starts her A Levels in September.

Question to you all is, I feel I need to ask her to contribute something towards housekeeping as she's now 16, I feel awful taking her hard earned wages but to help her learn about earning money and paying bills etc later in life I think she should pay something towards her keep. Then hopefully she won't be a DFW'er later in life

She will probably be earning something like £50.00 per week for 2 days work, then more when she does weekdays.

Do you take housekeeping off of your kids? What age did you start taking it and, if you don't mind me asking, how much

Get as much out of her as you can....... These young un's will only spend it on booze, ciggies and sex..... ( I jest but that's what my G mother said many moons ago).
Seriously though, I sat my son down and explained to him the costs of running a house etc when he had left school mainly because he had just inherited £2k from my mother ( should have been mine but that's another story ) and I wanted him to be a saver not a spender. I explained how much the extra lights, tv, stereo, computer, mobile phone etc cost me and if he could see his way to helping a little I would appreciate it.

He offered £20 a week, I took £10 a week off him but gave him the option of "earning his keep" I.E. doing the chores, buying shopping etc and he chose to pay me the £10..... He was a student after all. This lasted all of his A levels, week in, week out and now he is at Uni he is the only one who is solvent in his flat of 8.

Thankfully he is so money savvy he has been able to lend me chunks of money, like £300 for car insurance and then 12 months later 400 for servicing and repairs, mot etc. He's got it all back with a good chunk of intrest and the car takes him to and from Uni so he gets it back but he has learnt that there is life without debt and he's only 18..... yeah......

If she objects then work to rule, don't bo her washing or ironing, don't buy her fave foods or have and " spare change" to go out.... Bribary works most of the time, threats some of the time but sheer cunning all of the time.

MrsTinks

My brother is still studying and whilst living at home neither of us paid "keep" however I would have no problems charging my kids in years to come. I would make sure they could afford it and I would put it in a savings account if I could afford to.
As it happens my brother is very sensible with money and both mum and I send him food parcels and make sure he's ok and not getting into financial trouble - he knows it's on the understanding he never wastes money so if he wants to go to festivals he has to earn that money as well as do his uni course... Needless to say he doesn't go to many expensive gigs or festivals LOL

BettiePage

Spend a third, save a third and a third for rent.
If it makes you feel better, just put it in a savings account and give it her when she's 21 or buying a car or something.

Lula-Hula

Hi Jo,

Hmmmm it's a tricky one & my advice would be to go with your instincts. My eldest DD got a saturday job when she was 16 & as she stayed on to do 'A' levels she also had E.M.A. paid into her bank account so had a very healthy income. My view was that I was still responsible for her while she was in full time education & receiving tax credits & child benefit for her so she didnt contribute toward bills or housekeeping but she provided all her clothes, make up & socialising costs herself. I tried very hard to encourage her to save either her wages or her EMA but to no avail :rolleyes: . When she started full time work she did then contribute towards housekeeping but frankly it didnt cover the increase in my rent & council tax or the deductions in tax credits/child benefit. As I slipped deeper into debt during this time I realised I should have been more 'demanding' when she first started getting wages & EMA :mad: .

She left home a year ago to share with friends & although she's still very reluctant to take my advice on saving inspite of knowing of my DFW status, she is now more aware of the cost of living & has become far more generous, able to do her own washing, cooking & cleaning & tidying .

I think I suffered from single parent guilt & let her have it too easy but I have no intention of letting my younger DD be so frivolous with her money, she's very keen on being a money saver & intends to have a horse rather than a car so she doesnt have to fill it with petrol :rolleyes: , I havent the heart to tell her the costs of horse maintenance yet.

Although her working years are a way ahead of her yet (she's 8 & there's not much call for chimney sweeps round here - unfortunately ) when she does start work I would request that she either contributes to housekeeping or puts that amount into a savings account that she cannot access.

I'll be interested to hear what you decide & for what its worth I believe that you'll be educating her in finance management & hopefully preventing her from becoming a DFW in the future.

Good luck
Lula

sweetpeas_2

I left school at 16 and was working just weekends to begin with. My mum didn't ask for anything then, but at the time I was only getting about £25 a week, and my bus fares used to be about £5. I was always very good at saving and I used to put £10 a week away to save, which left me little to actually spend. My mum knew I was saving £10 a week, which is why I think she let me get away with just paying her £5.
When I got my first full time job I was getting about £150 a week, of which my mum took £20. When a worked my way up a bit I started earning £200+ week, my mum took £150/month.
After I moved out my sister and her boyf were still living there, and they paid her £200 each a month before they left. My poor sis is a nursery nurse and only gets about £600 a month anyway. (I think her boyf used to give her £50 towards her £200 though bless him)


If she is getting £50/week I think you should probably say £15 to start with and £5 which you can put in a savings account for her or something like that. Then when her hours go up you can put it up accordingly- like when she gets to £100/wk youshould probably take about £30 from her, and maybe £10 to save. The idea from BettyPage to give her the savings on her 21st birthday is really brilliant and I think you should defo think about that. She would really learn the value of paying her way, aswell as saving for the future and for something she really wants- maybe a car or house deposit...?

hth

xx

jo1972

Thanks all so much for your valuable comments

I do feel mean taking money off her considering she will still be studying and not earning a huge amount....but....I have just scraped my way out of financial hell and really want her to understand the value of money as she really doesn't have a clue about it. She gets pocket money of which she spends on drinks and sweets on the way home from school. She's never saved for anything in her life and invariably we have to stump up to buy her friends birthday and xmas presents cos she is not prepared. It's the same as when we go on holiday, she never puts a £1 or two away a week so she can buy herself some treats. No doubt I will have to buy a fathers day present for her dad next week, and it's my DD2's birthday at the end of this month, so yet again I'll have to get something for her :rolleyes: Money means absolutely nothing to her.

I think judging from the general comments here, I will say to her that she should give me a percentage of what she earns which I will put into savings for her. Now should I tell her I'm doing this or should I save in secret? Surely if I don't tell her then she will be learning the lesson of paying bills instead of knowing that she's gonna have a lump sum to look forward to some day.

I won't take any money off of her for actual housekeeping purposes until she finishes her A Levels which by then she'll probably be moved out anyway :eek:

What do you think?