cos i've had a drink too many And my troubles, well i ain't got any-yeh right i wish

HEADACHE

I know the feeling,there is nothing to look forward to.I hate the post in the morning,its yet another letter from my trustee who's been nosing into all my old bank accounts or some daft query about something I bought in the past.
BR IS A PUNISHMENT,the sheer hell of low motivation.I used to be really positive but I had a few massive knocks and now the stress of the BR and hell of it all has pushed me over to the point that my confidence is now only drip fed.
My nervous system now rules me,I can no longer thrive on pressure,am only a victim of it.

I fear virtually everything,worry has overtaken me,ive become a prisoner in my own life.

FEAR OF REJECTION,FEAR OF HUMILIATION,FEAR OF THE FUTURE.

If I apply myself I can work and get enough money to pay off my debts but guess what? when you add all the other costs,i realise that the OR and trustee have added another £9,000 in fees etc and so im further in debt.So not only have I had all the humiliation of it all,the hassle,stress and strain,im also £9,000 deeper in the hole.
What have I got to look forward to? oh yeah,3 years of repaying the old debts which hasnt even begun yet.

Can I be bothered to try anymore? is there any point? Ive got enough money for 1 more month of this hell then after that i'll be 100% broke.

I'll take the positives which are that Ive not kids,wife or girlfriend who have to put up with all this mess.

The words of the late great Jonny Cash,his song,Hurt.always enter my head;

'What have I become? my empire of dirt,if I could start again".

SingleSue

Aww headache, that post is so gut wrenching.

I am not BR, not even in debt (at the moment!) so no idea why I stray over to these boards...well I do actually, it is more like I am scared of going back down the road of debts (long story but it started with a repossession many years ago and only just now on the straight and narrow...very narrow!).

There is always a point to life although at times it is very difficult to see what that point is and why you should carry on. I felt the same when I had my breakdown 3 years ago (not due to financial worries) and even went as far as having a fascination for sharp instruments!

I couldn't see a point in carrying on, I felt like the piece of doggy doo doo that is picked up on the bottom of someones shoe, a failure, a noneity (sp) and all because I felt a failure as a parent and wife. This was then made worse when because I was unable to work for 19 weeks, money became extremely tight, bills started to go unpaid and I hid away even more and didn't want to talk to anyone at all about any problems we were having paying essentials.

It all came to a head when hubby walked out, our housing association applied for a repossession on our rented home due to non payment of rent and red bills and phone calls from debt collectors were the order of the day. With OH leaving and me then being the only adult in the home, it was left to me to pull myself together and try to keep a roof over our heads, even though I was no-where near recovered from my breakdown (that would take another 2 years).

The sheer act of being the only one responsible for my children was enough for me to start opening up and talking to people, to start taking my head out of it's little bubble and to start taking control of my life.

Now 3 years later, I am still here (god knows how!), I am debt free, I am still living in the HA house (I paid off the arrears at £20 a week after coming to an agreement at the court) and the children are well adjusted and growing up nicely.

I still have my down times, I still struggle at times against the why me question, I still rage at what life has dealt me but I have also realised that I am a survivor and will battle onto the bitter end, although that cliff is never far away (metaphorically speaking) in which I could fall once more but at least at the moment I am not sliding down the face, merely teetering on the edge.

Keep fighting Headache, you will get there eventually.

As to the OP's question...yep weekends are a blooming nightmare and is when I will usually be at my most stressed/down.

So_Sad_Angel

Hi Headache,

Are you Ok sweetheart? I know that this BR stuff is sh**t but you have got this far!! & you deserve so much credit for your resilience & however bad things seem now you ARE a positive person & that positivity WILL return.

What Sue writes here `keep fighting` is so true & she has given us all a glimpse of how that `spirit` that is in all of us...however hidden away it may feel right now...it will return!! Please don`t let the events of the last year beat you.!!

In terms of the fear you mention..we all get it (for me most of the time at the moment) we all have to accept fear & if you need to share those thoughts & the more you talk through your fears then the less intense they seem.

Remember you have friends on here ..you are not alone.

Sue, you have posted an extremely good post & I am so glad that you could share that with us..there is life after debt crisis & you are living proof! I can only express my admiration for what you have done...you`re one strong lady ..although I guess it did`nt feel like that at the time.

Angiexx

SingleSue

Thanks So Sad Angel

We/I have climbed back twice in our relatively short lives...we were orginally repossessed from our purchased house in 1994 which at the time we did think about going BR but the fear of the shame of doing so, prevented us from taking this action.

We had recovered to good levels by the early 2000's and we were enjoying life once more but it only takes an illness (or 3! 2 youngest were diagnosed as disabled which precitpated my breakdown) for the downward slope to start again.

People keep telling me I am a strong person but I have never felt like it, more like a weakling with a strong looking exterior :rotfl:

The best thing that can be done is to talk...rage....moan to people who understand, that helps to get things off your chest and to see the wood for the trees....my problem was it took a little longer to realise that.

So_Sad_Angel

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks So Sad Angel

The best thing that can be done is to talk...rage....moan to people who understand, that helps to get things off your chest and to see the wood for the trees....my problem was it took a little longer to realise that.

Wise words Sue,

Absolutely agree...funny but there will be people lurking the boards & probably reading this who are in desperate situations...for whatever reason..who are keeping all the stress /worry/despair inside.

Strangely enough as soon as we start talking, typing & getting those fears out there...then the black cloud seems to start to lift & the road ahead becomes a little less foggy!

Well thats my experience anyway!

Angex

Broken_hearted

Well my moods a bit better today SWIFT Advances decided to try to take more money than they were owed. Over £300 more and that pee'd me off SO much my fight came back. Poor advisers didn't know what hit them, but result all the supposed charges are coming back off not that they are admitting bogus charges. How did they put it to get the account closed in an amicable way, they can shove it up their bums for all I care just as long as I don't have to pay something I don't owe.

blind-as-a-bat_2

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Well my moods a bit better today SWIFT Advances decided to try to take more money than they were owed. Over £300 more and that pee'd me off SO much my fight came back. Poor advisers didn't know what hit them, but result all the supposed charges are coming back off not that they are admitting bogus charges. How did they put it to get the account closed in an amicable way, they can shove it up their bums for all I care just as long as I don't have to pay something I don't owe.

Good for you BH:D The TSB tried to charge my OH unautherised OD fees and alsorts the miniute i went BR for the joint OD she became liable for so i had a simaler batle with them. They couldnt understand why my OH wasnt going to be liable for charges they had created out of nowhere......needless to say i had fun even though it took six moths and them making themselves look more and more incompitant with each one:rotfl:

Broken_hearted

ts good isn't it when they think you'll back down just because they say so. Then its them who have to backtrack.

HEADACHE

Many thanks for all your kind words.
Ive got to a point now where I am so sick of all this BR stuff.The reason is that ive opted for easy work and this is due to a massive fear of failure and ive been 'faking it' to so many people.
I had a long chat on the phone with a life coach this afternoon and she has explained where ive been going wrong and what I need to do.The fear had caused me to procrastinate for over 3 years and all the time ive gone deeper down.But hey,now I know what the problem
was,its time to look forward and start getting stuck in to the hard work,to make money and haul myself up by my boot straps.

Dez-Titute

Merry_Gentry wrote: »

Of course you can darling!!!

((((((((HUGS))))))))))

There, was that bosomy enough?!

((((((((WOW))))))))))

Did I miss something or did I score last night and can't remember(must keep off the meths).Not had a Hug like that in years,to think of it not had a hug in years.Feels great.In heaven.Another lump in the throat.LOL

((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))
((((((BIG BOOBIES))))))))

What more could a man want.:j