Problem Partner!

adydye

Thanks all you people.
A problem shared and all that - I feel better and more positive already!!

Now, where is that girl.....? We need to talk.

A

arthurdick

hi adydye.. you are welcome...now go get her, and sit her down

bank_of_slate

Hi Ady and a huge welcome to you!
As others have said you need to do it together and she needs to see and acknowledge the situation
She needs to have her 'light bulb moment', have you tried doing a full SOA, going through it with her in clear black and white?
look on https://www.whatsthecost.com snowball calculator, put in what you're paying for things and show her what you'll end up paying out and for how long!!!!! That should really demonstrate it
...Linda xx

adydye

Thanks Linda

I have sat her down and we've gone through her income and outgoings and she was surprised by how much "pocket money" she actually has. She nodded and embraced the whole thing.........and carried on as normal.
I will have a look at the link though. I think she needs to be shocked into action.

Ady

bank_of_slate

The figures can be very shocking!
Good luck matey!
...Linda xx

dubsey

I think from reading your post it's just hit home to me how my DH must think of me, I am rubbish with money, he is great with it.

Luckily I don't go overdrawn, but at the beginning of the month (he gets a small commission each month of between £150-£350) he'll say stick the extra in the savings account and I never have yet. From my point of view it's not him that has to pay for the shopping or for the things the children need (shoes, lost P.E kits, new pens the list is endless) and if he did I think he would have heart failure at how much things cost. I will confess that I do buy a few things I really don't need, most especially for my DD who is clothing mad and growing at a rate of knots. I am a complete pushover when it comes to the children.

I did try keeping a spending diary but stopped when I started buying a few cheap (and each individual item is cheap-but not when they are added together) bits to take on holiday with us. I was too scared he'd find it. I keep telling myself I am better with money now I've found this site, but I know deep down I'm not. I am good at sorting other people's finances though!

So, maybe she's the same as me and sees a top or whatever that is a bargain and then another which all add up. Thankyou for the post you have made me see things from his point of view. Make her read your post and the replies from others. I should spend more time in DFW because everytime I pop in it gives me an incentive to behave, then I don't read it for a few days and I lapse. The people in here will help when they are asked to, but I think she needs to pop in and ask for it. Can you leave the DFW section open on the computer screen inadvertently?

lazy_daisy

Definitely motivation could be the way forward for her - once she sees what the little things she buys for herself/daughter/house could have paid for if she'd saved the money it could be a real incentive.
Often these impulse buys are c**p anyway - perhaps shoes or clothes she's hardly worn, scented candles and other junk for the house that have long been discarded or forgotten. How do I know this? You may well ask!!
Good luck x

adydye

I'll try leaving the page open, Dubsey. lol
And thank you - I always wonder how my OH's mind works and how she can't see what's obvious to me, and any insight is welcome.

adydye

Lazy_daisy, when I point out that some purchase or other was a waste or has never been used or whatever, she always says "But darling, its an objet de beaute", which just p****s me off even more!

bank_of_slate

try telling her it's an objet de fcuking waste of money!
...Linda xx