Problem Partner!

adydye

How can I get my girlfriend to be sensible with money? She regularly exceeds her overdraft limit and is paying around 90 quid to Barclay's every month, plus interest of course. Last year I guided her through reclaiming her bank charges for the previous 6 years, which came to 1300 pounds. I kept asking her if she'd heard anything from them regarding a cheque or whatever, and nothing. Eventually, I got her to take her head out of the sand for a few minutes and call the bank and, guess what, they'd paid the agreed amount, 1100, into her account, and she'd spent it without even noticing.
I work overseas and have no debts, apart from the mortgage, and she has a part-time job. I pay for all the bills and food, and she just has to buy petrol and clothe her/our daughter (from her previous marriage).
If she sees something she wants, usually a whim and something she doesn't need, she gets the old card out and that's it. She never knows how much she has in her account to spend, but unerringly hits the 1000 overdrawn mark.
We have a joint account, for bills and food, into which I pay between 700 and 900 a month, and I just keep an eye to it so it doesn't go overdrawn. Thank God for the internet!
On top of this, she has a divorce settlement out of which she could easily take 1000 to settle her current account and never be overdrawn again, but can I make her see the sense of it? Not a chance!
We've been together for 7 years and I love her dearly, otherwise she would've been down the road a long time ago. I'm desperately trying to save for a place in the sun which we both dream of, but she lives in a special little world, in a bubble somewhere, pink and fluffy clouds around it.
I HATE arguing about money, and I always try a reasoning approach, if probably a bit patronizing and facetious at times, but that prevents me from killing her and burying her under the patio.
Has anyone else got a partner who is financially hopeless? What did you do?
Please help.

A

Badger_Lady

Get her on here - we'll straighten her out!

arthurdick

haha, that sounds just like my missus...but the difference is, i would bury her under the patio, if only i could afford the building materials

adydye

Sounds good, Badger Lady.
I'd have to duct tape her to the chair and pin her eyelids open, but its for a good cause.......

A

arthurdick

i tell you what tho, badger lady has a point, get her on here, if only to get her to read some of the stories and see what savings she could make...there wont be a lynch mob waiting for her

adydye

Thanks Arthur, I will when I get back to UK!

A

arthurdick

there you go

arthurdick

it might be an idea to keep telling her about that little place in the sun.. as some incentive to get her to slow down a bit on the spending, or to at least make her think about it.. just point out to her that if she carries on spending as she does, the dream place in the sun aint gonna happen .

Fur156

Hi Friend,
I really do you feel for you.

This is a small account from my life before I found all these new friends on this site.

This is how my partner brought my and my fianaces under control.

Basically, I wanted another consolidation loan ( would have been about the 3rd ) And I said to her that I wanted it and we can get a better rate etc, I would get a loan and pay of the CC, then spend it all again etc.

I was 24 and about 17K in debt with only a x reg escort to show for it.

She said, " fine apply for the loan and get it, When you come home you can take all your stuff and leave as Im not going to live this way for the rest of my life. She said I love you but you have to make your choice ".

It stopped me dead, and now im dealing with my money issues with budget planning etc.

I know its hard but maybe you will have to be a little frank with her about it.

If she really love's and cares about you, she will want to work with you and help herself out. If she goes of on one and starts giving you a hard time, does she really care about you ?????

Sorry to be blunt.

Fur

hypno06

Ahh, that special little world, with pink and fluffy clouds........I think my OH may have visited there from time to time, although he travels via the motor bike showroom.........:rolleyes:

The old saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" often applies where one partner sees "the way out" but the other one is still blinkered to the spending. Frustrating though it is, there is no easy way out.

Perhaps, as someone has already said, concentrate on what you can have if you save - make a "motivation" board (mine includes my dream house) so you can both see what you are working/saving/cutting back for.

Hope you are successful in your persuasions!

jinky67

Join the club...:rolleyes:
My OH spends without thinking about it using his debit card, never cash,which does my head in.
He has savings which he wont put towards his debt...because its for emergencies
Wont get on board with the programme..wont let me deal with the finances as he thinks I control the rest of his life:rotfl:
I could have our debt paid off in less than 2 years but he is not interested.
So I have decided to try and not let it bother me as it was leading to arguments....it is hard though:rolleyes:

I suggest sitting her down and going through everything with her....with the help of the lovely peepes on here if needs be.
She may well see the light;)
Good luck