IVF - Poor quality eggs

epsilondraconis

Thanks hobbesy - much appreciated.

cally1978

Just wanted to say I really feel for you and your wife, myself and other half have also had problems concieving, there was problems with the sperm and we were told the chance of us being able to have a baby was the same as winning the lottery and that if we used ICSI we were only looking at 20% chance of a pregnancy.

We both thought long and hard and decided to give the ICSI a try and I was going to donate half of my eggs, 4 days before my first consultation I felt a bit weird and yes I was pregnant!!! I am about 6 weeks pregnant at the mo!!

What I am trying to say is that although doctors talk in percentages etc there is always a chance, only you and your wife know how you feel about donated eggs and adoption etc.

I wish you both the very best for the future x

ladypinkof66

epsilondraconis
may i ask what was your wifes fsh levels (the test for ovarian egg reserve) ?
i am soon to be going through our first try at ivf (nothing wrong with either of us) however i am now 42, your story brought a tear to my eye as i can imagine how sad and disappointed you both must feel - i too would feel like this placed in your situation - i like the other posters think you should give it another try you never know and at least you know you have tried everything. I do wish you the best of luck and please keep us updated as to how things are going !

epsilondraconis

Hi Cally1978 - great news on the pregnancy. Congratulations.

Hi ladypinkof66 - I'll ask my wife what her fsh level were and post them on here for you. We'll keep our fingers crossed for you both. We'll try the IVF route again and see what happens. As everyone has said, there is always a chance, I guess I was just hoping the consultant would have given us a bit more of a chance on subsequent IVF cycles. Although we knew before we went in to see him that it had failed, it was a strange feeling when we came out (after he told us there wasn’t really anything more they could do). I got the distinct impression that our life had somehow just changed forever. Instead of thinking that you’d be a dad at some point, the realisation hit home that there is a big chance that it may never happen. It just seems like it was one of life’s defining moments and you are helpless to do anything about it. I know it seems selfish, but I’ve even started to think of what will happen when we’re old and grey. You kind of expect that you’ll have your children and grandchildren come to visit etc.

I don’t want to sound all depressing, but I was wondering who would come and visit us. When we used to go to an old peoples’ home to visit a relative, there were some old folk who never had any visitors. It always feels so sad that someone can go through life and interact with so many people, and yet when they get old, there is no one there for them. When we spoke to some of the staff, they indicated that because some of the people never had children during their life, they never had anyone to come and visit them. Having said that, there were some people that did have children, and they still never received any visitors. Although I was only about 12 or so at the time, I remember feeling so sorry for some of them. It’s only now that we’ve been told that we may never have kids, it kind of brought back the memories of seeing the faces of those old people just staring into space and not having anyone there for them.

Anyway, thanks again for the lovely comments. I’ll get my wife’s fsh levels and post them on her for you ladypinkof66. Good to see you're doing well with your IVF and wedding fund. I hope the preparations for next June are going well. Fortunately my wife took care of all of our wedding arrangements, all I had to do was turn up and err well pay for it all.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

I'm sorry I don't have better words of support, but I do know some people who do. While this is a baby and pregnancy forum, there are a group of ladies here called the DTCers - determined to conceive - who are a tower of strength and advice for each other. You and your wife might do well to post for them; you may get some advice and you'll certainly find a wealth of experience:

http://community.hitched.co.uk/forums/36.aspx

I wish you all the best for the future.

Petal_3

http://www.carefertilityweb.co.uk/ivf/index.php

Hi there

I used this site when I was having IVF - tons of support and advice.

Good Luck!

x

elainew

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum will have all the answers you need
Good luck xxx

epsilondraconis

Thanks Hell Dans Un Handcart, Petal and elainew for the useful links.

Hi ladypinkof66, my wife's fsh levels were 11 when she was taking clomid. Hope that is useful.

FairyElephant_2

Hi Epsilon,

We have been travelling the TTC road for some while, been through various fertility treatments, and finally had ICSI last Nov. It turned out that we both have 'fertility issues' so it's a double-whammy for us and ICSI is the only way. Thought a miracle had happened when we got a +, but sadly it was an ectopic pregnancy and had to be ended. We were devastated as I'm sure you can imagine.

I def. think you should have another go when you feel ready to. Does your clinic offer counselling? We have free access to counsellors, which I have found very helpful (like you, we have to pay for all our treatment, which I find very unfair, so it is a relief to get offered the counselling at least for free!).

There are so many stories of people who have 'beaten the odds' and had babies even when the 'fertility experts' think it unlikely, but I know it is so hard to keep up the hope, and you can even start to resent the positive stories. I kept thinking 'that's all very well, but why can't it be ME?'.

I also understand totally what you mean about all the tears, and the feeling 'who will come see me when I am old'. A couple of weeks ago my friends were having a discussion about their Wills, and how they had divided their estates and how to make sure their childen were looked after - It suddenly really dawned on me that I have no-one to leave my estate to, my will still names my parents! and I started wondering who would even arrange my funeral when I die...... very morbid I know but us 'fertility challenged' TTCers tend to get over-emotional about these things I think!

My DH would adopt, but I am the one who had thoughts like yours on that - plus as I am 37 & he is 48 we could only adopt an older child, and I know it sounds selfish but I want to have a baby and go through all the stages of parenthood, or I think I'll feel I'd have 'missed out', and even maybe end up blaming the early years if the child had any problems or issues.

We were lucky enough to have frozen embies from the last round of ICSI, which we were going to have implanted last month, but I have discovered a lump in my breast, so am in the middle of having that sorted before we can try again - never rains but it pours eh?

I know it's easier to say than to do, but try to be positive and keep living your lives. We put so much on hold while were TTC, not booking or planning things 'in case I get pregnant', that we missed out a lot, so we try not to do that now - if another miracle happens we'll be so thankful that we'll find a way around everything!

Just be there for each other.

In love & hope,

FE

PS - I found the message boards on i-village are brilliant - everyone is very helpful and you are sure to find others who are going through the same things as you - along with my DH they kept me sane!