IVF - Poor quality eggs

epsilondraconis

Hi Bluebell13. Sorry to hear about the failed attempts.

When we met the consultant earlier this week we asked him lots of questions about what we could do to improve the chances of success, but he said that there was nothing that could be done.

We asked about any drugs they could prescribe - he said there was none.

We asked if they could scan the eggs before removing them or examine them after removing them and before implanting to see if they could discern whether they are likely to be of good enough quality. Unfortunately he said that they have had many cases where the eggs looked very poor quality, but had actually fertilised.

We asked him if there was anything we could do to improve our chances and he said there was nothing.

Although he was negative, he was very nice about it all and very supportive. It just seemed that there was nothing he could do.

bluebell13

epsilondraconis wrote: »

Hi Bluebell13. Sorry to hear about the failed attempts.

When we met the consultant earlier this week we asked him lots of questions about what we could do to improve the chances of success, but he said that there was nothing that could be done.

We asked about any drugs they could prescribe - he said there was none.

We asked if they could scan the eggs before removing them or examine them after removing them and before implanting to see if they could discern whether they are likely to be of good enough quality. Unfortunately he said that they have had many cases where the eggs looked very poor quality, but had actually fertilised.

We asked him if there was anything we could do to improve our chances and he said there was nothing.

Although he was negative, he was very nice about it all and very supportive. It just seemed that there was nothing he could do.

Oh dear. It seems like donor eggs may be a better chance then, but this is obviously very dificult for your wife to think about. Does the centre have a counsellor available? I think most of them do, and I found the one I saw invaluable especially with helping me to make difficult decisions. This is obviously a very difficult time for you both. I wish you both well.

Js_Other_Half

<hugs>

I know it's a long shot, but I found acupuncture helpful for keeping me on a even keel when going through the whole fertility process. I also took chinese herbs (made up by the same acupuncturist) which was meant to help.

I have no idea if any of this helped, but it made me feel like I was trying my best?

You can find your nearest registered acupuncturist here:
http://www.acupuncture.org.uk/content/PractitionerSearch/practition.html

Do try again once your wife is up to it

epsilondraconis

Hi Bluebell13 - we will investigate the councellor option.

Hi Js_Other_Half - my wife has been having acupuncture for the last 3 years or so. Initially for endometreosis, but more recently to help with the pregnancy. I'm sure she'll continue with it anyway because she seems to think it helps with the pain from the endometreosis. Good to read in your signature that the IVF worked for you.

CarolynH

epsilondraconis wrote: »

We've also looked at adoption; however I see it as permanently looking after someone elses child.

Biology doesn't necessarily make a family, there's a world of difference between being a father and being a 'dad'.

Just my opinion.

((((HUGS))))

paula65

Would just like to give you both a big hug

I had problems conceiving and had a lap and dye which indicated only a minor problem for us. Friends of our's spent thousands on two failed ivf attempts, third one was succesful and then she got pregnant naturally straight after the birth of her first baby. I know your wife may have reservations about the donor egg and will concider adoption but only speaking from a personal point of view, I would be happier knowing I'd carried and help produce a baby if that was my option.

Good luck to you both, I know what you are going though and this is a very emotional time for you both. I think the potential fathers are sometimes often forgot about at these times. Give your wife lots of hugs and love.

MrsE_2

epsilondraconis wrote: »

Hi Bluebell13 - we will investigate the councellor option.

Hi Js_Other_Half - my wife has been having acupuncture for the last 3 years or so. Initially for endometreosis, but more recently to help with the pregnancy. I'm sure she'll continue with it anyway because she seems to think it helps with the pain from the endometreosis. Good to read in your signature that the IVF worked for you.

Only you & your wife know her reasons for not considering doner eggs.
But if it is because she feels it would be "hers" can I just say that the moment they handed me my daughter after giving birth I fell head over heels in love, that was nothing to do with eggs but the carrying & giving birth to a baby. That would be the same regardless of the eggs.

There is a waiting list in this country (even private) , but you can go abroad & skip that if you are worried about time.

Good luck.

benood

Js_Other_Half wrote: »

<hugs>

I know it's a long shot, but I found acupuncture helpful for keeping me on a even keel when going through the whole fertility process. I also took chinese herbs (made up by the same acupuncturist) which was meant to help.

I have no idea if any of this helped, but it made me feel like I was trying my best?

You can find your nearest registered acupuncturist here:
http://www.acupuncture.org.uk/content/PractitionerSearch/practition.html

Do try again once your wife is up to it

I've heard quite a bit of positive stuff about acupuncture too, although only friends of friends - there was someone in London highly recommended, pm me and I'll get the name if you like. Best of luck.

epsilondraconis

CarolynH wrote: »

Biology doesn't necessarily make a family, there's a world of difference between being a father and being a 'dad'.

Just my opinion.

((((HUGS))))

Agreed. I know I could be a dad by going through the adoption route, somehow it just doesn't quite seem the same. I guess I'm fearful that if we go down the adoption route I wouldn't feel the same towards the adopted child as I would if it were my own. I don't quite know how to describe it. I'm not saying that I wouldn't care for the child and do everything possible for them. Maybe I think the special bond that a parent has with a child wouldn't be quite the same. I just don't want to begin to resent the adopted child if it had some difficulties due to problems with its birth parents. I understand you're likely to know of any problems or suspected problems before you adopt and I'm not saying that I wouldn't be able to deal with them. I just don't want to wake up one morning and feel like I resent the child for whatever reason. I'm not saying that will happen, but because I don't feel 100% sure of the adoption route, I just don't think it will be fair on the child or my wife.

Conversely my wife doesn't have an overwhelming desire to carry her own baby and therefore perhaps favours more the adoption route rather than the egg donor route.

Hmmm, I never thought it would all be so complicated and draining.

Anyway, I'm beginning to ramble now.

Thanks again everyone for your support.

hobbesy_2

I am an egg donor, and in fact spent today with my friend and her two babies that resulted from her treatment with my eggs last year (she suffered 9 miscarriages due to egg quality). I totally understand at the moment this is an avenue your wife feels isn't right, but if there is any way this is a possibility and there are any questions she would like to ask to help her feel more comfortable about the process feel free to pm me or ask here (and I mean ANY questions, I'm very open about what happens and my thoughts, etc), we even both ran joined blogs at the time covering both sides of the tale I'd happily send you the links to.

By all means go ahead with this next cycle. Whatever you do in the future I know from personal experience its vital to feel you have tried everything you can before moving on to the next stage, whatever that may be. And you never know, my two are both children we were told we couldn't have, although egg quality is I agree something you can do little about

When it comes to donor eggs I can tell you one thing. Its is my friends body that nourished and grew two tiny embryos into the healthy babies they are now. They are absolutely 100% hers and even when snuggling up to them today there was no pang that these were 'children I'd given away' or anything similar

thinking of you and your wife

Keri -x-