what time should a 12year old come in

jay11_2

Amanda65 wrote: »

On school nights my DS aged 12 goes to bed at 9pm and at weekends it sometimes stretched to 10pm if there is a film or something that we are all watching.

As for coming in, I think 8:30pm is plenty late enough, although it would be much earlier in the winter. Is the argument about now (half term?) or generally as during the week on school nights, by the time DS is in, done homework and had tea it's often getting too late to go out anyway.

Also the time woudl depend where he was. If he was in the park / woods near our house then the 8:30pm curfew woud defnitely apply however if at a friends house I might stretch it to 9pm in the holidays if I knew where he was and I was picking him up.

Isn't it odd how 'everyone else's' parents are so much more lenient that the rest of us :rolleyes:

I do the same with my 13 year old girl, and we live in a quiet, relatively 'safe' area (relocated from a very dodgy place so I know where you're coming from).

At the end of the day I'm the adult responsible for keeping her safe and have to live with any guilt if I'm lax or weak, and go against my own judgement due to her nagging, and things go wrong.

I also cut time off the next night if she's late or too whiny/naggy, amazing how peaceful our house is these days, and DD knows where she stands so is much nicer to live with. I feel like a dragon, and hate being so strict but DD pushes every boundary till she hits a brick wall--I simply put it up earlier.

I also sometimes extend curfews depending on where she is/who she's with--she has to pop in or text to ask, and mine/OH's word is final, though we're fairly consistent about which situations are OK. Works well for us.

DS, 1 yr older, is totally different--though he'll ask, he's far too laid back to really argue about stuff, so I rarely need to be strict with him--go figure.

lilac_lady

A 12 year old staying out till 10pm is not a good thing although most 12 year olds are the ONLY one in their class who doesn't get to do that! Stick to the rules. If more parents did that there wouldn't be so much trouble on the streets. To sweeten the pill I would allow her to have a friend to sleepover once in while (at a week-end with a later bedtime) depending on how good she's been about sticking to your rules.

onlyroz

When I was 12 the rule was that I must be in before dark.

andromache_2

Just wondering how much homework she has and how much time she spends on it? When I was 12 I had quite a bit of homework to do and would have been very annoyed if I'd had a bedtime as early as that as it would have given me no free time in the evenings at all... though I think my school probably gave more than most.

Night_KD

I think at 12, my bedtime was 9/9:30pm. I regularly played on our drive (along the row of houses) with my next door neighbour, riding our bikes etc, so we just had to be in before it got completely dark. We weren't generally allowed to the park or anything when it had started to get reasonably dark, unless there was someone older with us...

Times have changed a fair bit though..

I don't think it's a case of being unreasonable, you're the parent, you're in charge and as people have said, as a kid everyone's parent's are more leniant than your own.

mymatebob

My DS (11) has a fair amount of homework to do, which he gets done as soon as he comes home from school, so is usually finished by 5:30.

If he is going out, he tends to stay very local as we have a park opposite the house.
He will sometimes go off to the shops but not after 8:30.

Most nights he is in bed by 10pm. No point in sending him earlier he has never been a sleeper.
He also goes to two lots of clubs which don't finish until 9:30 so he can be pretty hyper when he gets in, those nights he is not in bed until after 10pm
At weekends he stays up until he is tired.

Most of his friends are in bed long before him.

Different people do different things - go with what you feel is right.

skylight

Mine is 14 and doesn't really go out in the evenings, mainly though because her friends don't and so she has no-one to hang with.

Even at 14 though, her school night bed time is 9pm with lights out by 10pm. Seems a little harsh, but with all the kids (have 4 at home) and different bed times, I just want an hour with OH on our own! So she can do what she likes between 9 and 10 (except the internet) whilst in her room.

When she does go out with her mates (when they are allowed!) they all tend to be back in by tea-time and rarely if allowed out later, then its in when it starts to get dark.

She is happy (enough!) with it as it fits in with her friends.

vixarooni

im 21 and go to bed at half 10! I feel blimming old. Only half an hour later then little 12 year olds. ha.

Im with Knight KD and skylight! 9:30 bed time for people of 12. They do need their sleep.

i think youre doing just as i would, if i were a mother that is!

mymatebob

vixarooni wrote: »

im 21 and go to bed at half 10! I feel blimming old. Only half an hour later then little 12 year olds. ha.

Im with Knight KD and skylight! 9:30 bed time for people of 12. They do need their sleep. I wish mine did. Didn't sleep much as a baby and has continued the trend. I am sometimes in bed before him!

i think youre doing just as i would, if i were a mother that is!

I suspect he will make up for it all in his teenage years when we will never see him get out of his pit.

itzmee

My 12 year old son generally has to be home on a school night by 8.30 pm - weekends and holidays by about 9.15pm latest, depending on how far he is from home, though in the winter he has to be in before it gets dark. He has to be in bed by 9.30 so I usually send him up at about 9.20. He also tries the "my friends go to bed later than me" but then I think his friends all seem to be spoilt little so and so's who have everything that a child could possibly want without having to earn it.