what time should a 12year old come in

tiptoes

Hi All

Some advise needed plase

I've been arguing with my DD tonight as I feel that coming in at 8.30 is late enough for a 12 yr old. Though her friends are allowed to stay out much later, some up until 10pm.

she also feels that her 9pm bed time is to early and insists that she is getting stick from friends due to this but I feel that she is still a growing child and benefits from a good nights sleep.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

shelley_crow

sounds perfectly reasonable to me duck.

I'd be tempted to dock minutes for everytime she nags you about this, it's surprising how fast 9pm can dwindle to 7pm. Conversely, i'd tell her that i'd review these times based on behaviour, conduct and grades, ie, if all are good then special allowance on time for weekends x

cannyscot_2

yes I would use upping bed to 9.30/10 as an incentive but obviouly depends how tired she is in the morning. Maybe give way 1/2 an hour at the weekend if she is somewhere you know she is ok-if just hanging then no.

shellsuit

My son is 12 and has to be in at 8 - 8.30pm when its light nights.

At weekends, he can stay out until 9, but that's only if he is in his friends house and he will ring me when he is ready to leave so I walk up and meet him.

He goes to bed (sleep) between 10 and half past.

He's good getting up in the morning, so I don't mind him staying up until that time.

HC_2

This is quite a useful recent thread:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=897839

although the discussion was mainly about slightly older children.

tiptoes

Thanks for the responses. I sometimes feel that I'm just being over protective, as we live in quiet a bad area.

I do allow her to stay out later at weekends, if she is doing something or if there is a school disco and then go and meet her.

ailuro2

My 9yo DD complains bitterly about going to bed at 8pm. The trouble is, she has to get up at 6:15am some mornings when we take her Dad to work. Other mornings its 6:30am because we leave for the childminders at 7:30am

I explain she is probably the only one in her class who has to be up this early, and that she must have her beauty sleep to help her grow. I bet if we let her stay up till 10pm, all the other kids in her class would still have later bedtimes:rolleyes:

The compromise at the moment is in bed for 8, and she is allowed to read until 8:30pm, and gets to stay up a bit later on a Friday or Saturday.

If she dilly-dallies, I treble the amount of minutes she is late, and that gets taken off the next night's bedtime, so 7 minutes late and she'll have to be in bed at 7:39. This certainly helps the delaying tactics!


As for letting your DD out till 10pm, and taking into account it is a bad area, I think 8pm and maybe 830 at weekends is perfectly reasonable.
Maybe you could organise sleepovers at weekends with the Mums you know well (and don't let their kids out to all hours!) - it lets them spend time together in a safe environment, but you know where they are cos you have already agreed to phone the other Mums and check they are where they say they are.

JAMIEDODGER

my son is 12 and i usually let him stay out until 9pm at the moment. This doesnt change on the weekends, but does change in the winter months when its darker, then he has to be home 'before it starts getting dark'

his bedtime is 10pm every night. sometimes he takes himself off to bed earlier if he is tired.

i dont have many rules but this is one of them. i expect him to keep to it. if he doesnt he would not be allowed out the following day and he knows this.

my ten year old has to be in by 8pm bed at 9.

they are both pretty good at sticking to this.

Amanda65

On school nights my DS aged 12 goes to bed at 9pm and at weekends it sometimes stretched to 10pm if there is a film or something that we are all watching.

As for coming in, I think 8:30pm is plenty late enough, although it would be much earlier in the winter. Is the argument about now (half term?) or generally as during the week on school nights, by the time DS is in, done homework and had tea it's often getting too late to go out anyway.

Also the time woudl depend where he was. If he was in the park / woods near our house then the 8:30pm curfew woud defnitely apply however if at a friends house I might stretch it to 9pm in the holidays if I knew where he was and I was picking him up.

Isn't it odd how 'everyone else's' parents are so much more lenient that the rest of us :rolleyes:

DigitalJedi

Amanda65 wrote: »

Isn't it odd how 'everyone else's' parents are so much more lenient that the rest of us :rolleyes:

So true. My daughter's 11, nearly 12. I moved her bedtime recently from 8pm to 8.30pm and 9.30pm at weekends. Now of course all her friends still get to stay up later!

I'd say stick to what you think is reasonable! Whatever time it is it won't be late enough!

Paparika

My son is 13 and rules of the house for him are school days in by 8.30 bed by nine, unless topgear is on and i will extend to 10 if he watches it in bed.

holidays 10pm bed. each year as he gets older i do up it a bit, but some nights i want to go to bed at 10.30 and i want him in his bed before i go to mine