Utterly depressed

klane

Come and join in our daily thread that sophiesmum usually starts - the one about what dfw things will you do today? Posting in that every day is very good at keeping me focussed and it's motivational too to see what everyone else is up to!

hana5

Hiya, i just happened to stumble across ur thread n thought id put a quick note about what helps me in my highest moments of !!!!osity.

- Ur outlook is 95% of paying everything off, the rest are just details n u can easily figure it out
- Try n put things in perspective. Count ur blessings n make the most of the free things in life...
We often forget that the world is actually a rather nice place most of the time for those who look for it. Try sitting n writing what ur thankful for, great family, great friends, etc. I had a few probs with accom a few months ago, n had to stay here there n everywhere for a short while.I realised that my own place, even if just rented was great.Id just sit with a few candles (or even Christmas lights if feeling particularly indulgent n could spare the leccy bill, lol.) n snuggle up n watch a dvd or invite a friend round for a 2 quid bottle of wine if wanted to really push the boat out! Moments like these can often be just as good as, or even better, than going shopping/some expensive club/spendign a fortune on crap u dont need. People r gonna make ur day not money! A lonely millionaire is much less happy than a DFW having a laugh with friends n family. Be thankful for home/family/look at the possessions u do have n realise how lucky u are to even have these...
If ever I need a bit of help with this perspective thing there's plenty out there (see the world is good if u look for it...). 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' books r pretty good if u can manage to stretch to getting a cheap one from amazon (or just reading them in WH Smith like i do...lol) or the internet is great for inspiring stories if u look for them, I also like Oprah's quotes on her website:
www.oprah.com
Funnily enuf, ive just had a look n here's todays:
"I think I learned just to follow that journey and have the faith that everything's going to turn out all right."
- Another thing id suggest is, if things aren't working exactly as u planned, try a diff approach. If u cant stop eating things only stock fresh, healthy ingredients. If u cant stop spending dont take any money or credit cards with u.If diets dont work dont follow them, find an alternative.Children dont know the calories in food, but most manage to control their weight based on listening to their body (Im full now thanks!) Im not sure i believe in lack of willpower (also being particularly prone to scoffing too much when stressed). Set things up so that u will succeed. Ive just learned to follow diff principles n set things up diff. For me dieting is a load of crap, it focuses u on what u cant have. Try going back to old style principles. Eat when ur hungry, stop when ur full. Its hardly rocket science but bloody hard to actually put in practice. But i do find that changing ur habits in general are the way to go with both debt n food.
Figure out what triggers cause u to overeat (mine is sugar amongst other things) n limit this (u can find ur own rules for this) n then enjoy what u eat. This is a huge key. Food eaten in moments of stress is generally 1 out of 10 on the pleasure factor. Good quality food (aka home cooked debt-free wannabe style food!) cooked and eaten with pleasure, savoured and guilt-free cos u eat when ur hungry is 10 out of 10 on the pleasure scale (or 100 out of 10 for those of us who particularly love our food Mmmmm). Even with food, find the good things in life, n u'll be able to slowly move towards a more healthy attitude. Be thankful for that homecooked sunday dinner (mmmm) cos many countries dont have this.
Again, the world provides help for this if u look for answers:
This is just a snippet of the process ive been thru, but there r books n internet resources that can help (again an occasional trip to read in WH Smith might b in order, lol...):
Instead of diets try reading up on eatng for pleasure, eating in moderation, compensating for indulgence (these theories can also be applied to money)
dont ban food but enjoy in moderation, n to listen to ur body when its full or doesnt want to finish the packet of choccie biscuits just cos ur stressed.

The main point im trying to make is that the help is there (this forum proves that) n u are capable of doing it, even if u have to find ur own methods of doing things. That is part of the journey. All journeys, even ur jetlagged long-haul economy class flights, can be perked up with good company, n the right attitude. Find what works for u n enjoy the journey!

Good luck.

Rage_in_Eden

EmptyPurse wrote: »

I'm pleased to report that the lightbulb's still flickering - yes, I know that it would be better if I'd finally reached my 100W moment but I'm just celebrating the fact that it hasn't blown out completely!

I was a bit naughty last night and spent £15 on some bathroom scales. I know I should be cutting back on non-essential spending but I want this to be the start of a completely new life - and that includes losing weight. Sure, I could lose weight without the scales but it would be rather nice to know how I'm getting on Normally I'd have spent £35+ on a really fancy pair of scales from an upmarket dept store but I popped into Boots and bought the cheapest set they had. And you know what, they actually work!!!! If I'd spent double the money I'd have still weighed exactly the same and would have been even further in the red. I think there might be a lesson in there somewhere...........

No that's okay - we can allow you that The main thing is that you are getting focused. You would normally have done (a) so you did (b) instead - we'll make an MSE-er out of you yet! Posting on the daily thread is a great motivator. I tend to post of the Old Style thread and you get to know people and their energy enthusies you. Hana5 makes a good point but there's an even cheaper place than Amazon - the local library. They are a mine of information from local classes, all those books for FREE - it's like having a posh big house libary and most of all you don't have to dust them (now that's what I call a win win situation ). There's even the reading groups they run and sometimes local WEA lectures - oh I could go on and on about them (you may have noticed I like libraries:rotfl: ). But it's only little baby steps - after all a tub of ice cream looks al ot but if you eat it with a spoon it soon disappears (or is that only when Mr Rage is in charge of the spoon???:rolleyes: ). Keep me posted and I will pop back tomorrow.

EmptyPurse

I've decided I don't like having scales in my bathroom :-) The temptation to weigh every day and that's a bad thing. Despite being ultra healthy and eating far, far more healthily than normal yesterday I managed to put on a pound. How?????


Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked from my efforts to become a proper DFW. I'm feeling more positive than a couple of days thanks to the wonderful support from everyone here. I still get very daunted when I think about the long slog ahead of me but I'm going to have to train myself to focus on one day at a time. If I can just take one small step each day then they'll add up eventually.

EmptyPurse

Aaagh. Had three more paragraphs on my last post and they've disappeared!!!! No time to retype now but will be back this evening :-)

HHH_2

DONT weigh yourself everyday!!!! It is a total demotivator. go to the library and get paul mckenna book and cd read book listen to cd. Its not about diets its about thinking differently Ive lost 6lbs in 2 weeks and I dont feel hungry and most cravings have gone. I only weigh myself every 2 weeks. a daily weigh in is too often and you will go and comfort eat if you havent lost anything. good luck

Rage_in_Eden

How is your lightbulb?

EmptyPurse

Still flickering :-) I keep on yo-yoing between feeling really chuffed at the small steps I've taken each day and the awful sinking feeling that I'm just scratching at the surface of the problem and will never reach the end goal. And I'm still finding it really hard to come to terms with the idea that I ought to give up most of my social spending. For example, a friend of mine who works just round the corner from my office emailed me to see if I fancied meeting up for lunch today. I shouldn't really go out as it'll mean more spending but I'm feeling very lonely at the moment so couldn't bring myself to say no. And this weekend I really want to go to a stately house nearby; it'll cost about £5 (plus a cup of tea when I'm there!!!) but the weekends are a bit long now that I've split up with my boyfriend and I just can't deny myself the thought of a small treat. OK, so it's only £5 but I'm off to a wedding next weekend and that'll cost me a fortune. I know I *should* economise as much as possible beforehand but I really struggle when it means missing out on small treats or other things that help me get through the week. I'll have to keep thinking about how to change my approach so that I don't feel 'deprived' if I cut a few treats out.

SamanthaA

Ok do the small treats, BUT take a flask & some sandwiches/ cake to the stately home - only entrance fee to find.

Find the library & spend Saturday morning re discovering books, or a subject you forgot you loved!

Or worst case senario, find yourself a 2nd job! I know this doesnt sound very plesant, BUT you will be socialising, earning & best of all NOT spending!
I have 2 jobs & niether is like the other, so they are both plesant & entertaining. Also I have lost wieght by not sitting at home bored or depressed because I can`t afford to leave the house!