Relate counselling

Princess_Fiona_2

It all depends on how much you earn. When I went some years back the lady showed us a list of possible yearly salaries and say for example your combined income was £20,000 they charged you £10 an hour. They dont check up on your income they take it as what you say. The prices have probably changed by now but that's basically how they did it. Good luck. Didnt work for me as the partner I was with at the time argued with the counsellor!!! It was doomed from the start!! Hence we are no longer together. Sigh of relief. But good luck to you.

Marker_2

Skint_Catt wrote: »

Thanks, we're near the west mids. I'm not sure OH will come with me at the mo - they do see people on their own don't they? I just can't afford that sort of thing on my own even though OH could. I guess I could ask him for extra food shopping money!

Am moving to Teford soon but couldnt tell you where in WM any good laces would be.

I suggested Relate to my OH but he just laughed at the thought, good luck if you can get your OH to join you. They do see people by themselves!

Skint_Catt

Hi Marker, I know Relate have a session in my town on a Thurs eve I think, which would fit in well with both our diaries. I think if OH doesn't come with me then there's no point continuing, but I'm willing to start on my own. I've just got to broach the subject with him now!

Marker_2

I didnt bother going without him either, but the reason we neednt to go was him so kinda defeated the object!

Have you rang them yet?

Mrs_A_4

1) I went when completely stony broke. Told them in initial session and offered to pay £5, which they agreed. I felt quite bad, but even that was a scrape some weeks. It was TOTALLY worth it.
2) I also went alone. Well, dragged OH to one session but he said he wasn't comfortable talking about feelings, and didn't go back with me the next week.
3) It is amazingly useful to go alone, even if you think it won't be. I found out a lot about myself and why I am the way I am, despite going into it thinking that my OH had a problem and what help could me talking about me be?

Do go. At the end of a day it's a charity and they will find a way to accommodate you if you really can't afford full whack. I have made a secret pledge to myself to give them an anonymous donation, should I ever come into money!

ailuro2

Well one way to look at it - what's cheaper - a legal separation and two sets of household bills, or paying what you can afford to Relate.

sorry, I know that comes across as a bit blunt, but can't think of a better way to put it.

Sometimes it helps to have an outsider point you in the right direction when no one is willing to take the first steps...

Good Luck!

and btw, asking for more money for groceries, but it's really to spend on Relate Is honesty and trust that far out the window? Perhaps you could write your OH a letter and let him know how important it is to get some help before things get completely out of hand. Let him know he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to,and that you only pay what you can afford.

Skint_Catt

Thanks Marker - I see no point in going without him either, though even after this awful weekend he doesnt see there's a problem and has acted today as though nothings happened.

Mrs A - I hope you win the lotto I know it may help me to go alone, but I would so like to him come - though its the underestimaet of the year to say OH gets uncomfortable talking about things but if its the only way I cna talk to HIM then it may help.

Ailuro - were not married but its come to this weekend to see I may need to leave as much as I dont want to. I couldn't afford the bills on my own so I'd have to move back to Mum & Dads (Im over 30) which would make me feel the biggest failure ever. I just want to make this work whatever way I can.

I just don't know how to broach it - he's hurt me so badly this weekend but just doesn't see it at all - he just thinks Im being stroppy because I won't talk to him unless to answer a question but i'm scared to.

Marker_2

No problem, can I ask what the issues with you and your OH are, tell me to bog off if you dont want to say, PM it if you dont want it over the boards, sometimes talking to others in the same boat is just as good medicine - helped me out anyway lol.

Skint_Catt

There are a lot of issues Marker - thats why I think Relate face to face might help - emailing or over the phone is too complicated. There's nothing serious like abuse, but stuff that I need sorting for the sake of my self-confidence and self-esteem. Its 50/50 not all his problem, not all mine.

ameliarate

Skint_Catt wrote: »

There are a lot of issues Marker - thats why I think Relate face to face might help - emailing or over the phone is too complicated. There's nothing serious like abuse, but stuff that I need sorting for the sake of my self-confidence and self-esteem. Its 50/50 not all his problem, not all mine.

I think I know exactly how you feel. My partner and I keep arguing but there is no way he would come to Relate with me. Luckily, working in the NHS we have free counselling through OT and I found even going on my own helped a lot. Hasn't sorted "our" problems out, but made me see that I wasn't a complete failure and that I wasn't entirely responsible for the problems either.

We are still arguing a lot. He says I start them, I used to worry about that thinking it was my fault but have learned that what that means is that it's my fault because I complain that he isn't pulling his weight in the house or he is making plans to do things all the time with his friends and not bothering to consult with me, if I stayed quiet and let him do what he wants/not do what he doesn't want, there wouldn't be an argument.

Go to Relate alone if necessary. If nothing else it may give you back some confidence and self esteem.

Good luck.