Need some advice re: my dad

TangledMemories_2

Hi All,

Well, as we're all aware, Father's Day is coming up in June, my problem is that it's my Dad's birthday on the 22nd also.

Thing is, my Dad's treated me like dirt for the past year and a half. Only talking to me when he wants something. He won't let Mum ring me, she can only do 1-ringer's and I have to ring her back and to top it all, I'm copping for a failed business that he talked me into setting up.

What should I do about Fathers Day and his birthday? He's going to be expecting presents but I don't feel like he deserves any...BUT I don't want to create an even worse atmosphere for Mum and my brothers as they have to live with him.

Don't get me wrong, I love him because he's my father and in the past he protected me...I just don't LIKE him for what he's done to me. I haven't told him how I feel yet because I'm starting counselling to deal with how I feel first, and then address the people who have hurt me.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just fork out two lots of gifts and keep schtum?:o

absolutebounder

TangledMemories wrote: »

Hi All,

Well, as we're all aware, Father's Day is coming up in June, my problem is that it's my Dad's birthday on the 22nd also.

Thing is, my Dad's treated me like dirt for the past year and a half. Only talking to me when he wants something. He won't let Mum ring me, she can only do 1-ringer's and I have to ring her back and to top it all, I'm copping for a failed business that he talked me into setting up.

What should I do about Fathers Day and his birthday? He's going to be expecting presents but I don't feel like he deserves any...BUT I don't want to create an even worse atmosphere for Mum and my brothers as they have to live with him.

Don't get me wrong, I love him because he's my father and in the past he protected me...I just don't LIKE him for what he's done to me. I haven't told him how I feel yet because I'm starting counselling to deal with how I feel first, and then address the people who have hurt me.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just fork out two lots of gifts and keep schtum?:o

Not buying him pressies would look like tit for tat and that will only spiral downhill into a worse situation. However I dont think you should put off talking to him until after counselling. Sit him down and ask him what is wrong. As simple as that. He will probably ask why you said that then tell him that you love him but he has been treating you like shoit and ask him what is up with him.

G-G_4

I'd get him a card and a gift voucher.. nothing too personal, but at least you will still have made the effort..

I'm not close to my dad, not to the extent you describe though, but he just doesn't really bother with me that much.. and whenever I get him nice birthday / xmas presents, he always returns the favour by giving me crap presents..! So now I don't bother, and then I feel bad..

Anyway, I know how you feel.. maybe get him loads of cheap and crappy presents.. and a book 'Dummies guide to being a Dad' or something..

x

TangledMemories_2

That's the thing...when we were moving house, I found a present that I'd gone to alot of trouble to find for him...still wrapped up, never opened. That's how much he thinks of me?!

He doesn't even know when my birthday is and doesn't make an effort to say happy birthday when reminded.

Violetta_2

Do you have a poundland nearby? Get him something from there, up to you if its nice or naff, (bought a few good bit's from there). But in your current situation/frame of mind I wouldn't waste too much time or money on getting him something.

arthur_dent_2

Wrap up an empty box, he will never know if he isn't good enough to open it.

*Louise*

TangledMemories wrote: »

That's the thing...when we were moving house, I found a present that I'd gone to alot of trouble to find for him...still wrapped up, never opened. That's how much he thinks of me?!

He doesn't even know when my birthday is and doesn't make an effort to say happy birthday when reminded.

Well then, I don't think he has any right to expect you to go to any special effort, especially if he's being so horrible to you.

Not giving anything though would lok a little spiteful, and you would probably feel bad (or you wouldn't be posting here)

I would go with the gift token idea.....you've given something, but you don't need to worry about him not appreciating it.

gozaimasu

As someone who has previously ignored their dad's birthday whilst still living under the same roof, I can say that it was particularly effective. It made him realise that he cannot continue to treat me like dirt without being punished for it. I hope it hurt his feelings. Things got better only for a few months after, then I moved out.

It depends if your dad is likely to notice that you forgot his or not! Considering he "forgets" yours or doesn't even make an effort, I think it's likely he deserves to be ignored. Wish him "happy birthday" by all means, to stop yourself feeling guilty (I didn't) but he doesn't deserve your time and effort to go and get him a gift.

Js_Other_Half

How about a gift voucher for a charity...lol. I have a charity account where I can give people gift vouchers that they give to their fav charity. It's particularly useful for friends who have everything.

mjburton

I really like the charity idea.

Have a look at oxfam unwrapped on the internet.
It has gifts for a variety of budgets. Even if he doesn't open it or appreciate it someone will benefit and you can feel like the good daughter you are.

MonkeySaving?

If he's treated you like dirt, give him nowt!! Or, kick him in the 'ollocks and tell him to buck his ideas up.