Found out mother is having affair

RadoJo

I have to say, I disagree with those who say it's none of your business - that standpoint assumes that you don't feel betrayed and let down by what you think your Mum has done. If she has been having an affair then it is something which affects the whole family, and whilst a young child should be protected from their parents separation, at your age, it may well be that you are needed to offer support to one or both of your parents.

For your own peace of mind, I cannot imagine you just pretending none of this has happened, but going in all guns blazing and accusing your Mum could well backfire on you. Is there a way you can bring it up with her without revealing your suspicions and see how she reacts - you can base your response on what she says, and whether she opens up to you about something deeper, but I think the thought of divorce should be the last one on your mind at this stage. Let the facts come out before you take any important decisions and try not to let your imagination run away with you. I know that is easier typed than done, and it won't be easy to be restrained, but if you try to imagine how you would react if you assumed it was all a misunderstanding, you might find it easier to be objective about the situation. Good luck - I don't envy you your predicament.

honeypop

penny64 wrote: »

I am 25 so not a child anymore, my parents are early 50's. They have been married for 27 years. With 4 children.

Exact same situation that we were in when I found out my mum was having an affair, and it was almost 99% that she would run off with the other guy too (many other similarities to what you've posted too...are you me? lol).

BUT, when it all came out, (step)dad didn't want to lose her and they worked through it and they are still together and going strong with this all put behind them. Don't interfere and don't assume you know what will happen because you don't have the faintest idea without talking to either of them about it (which I don't suggest you do at the moment). You are being very hasty after simply reading some messages on an old phone.

NAR

There are a lot of peoples' feelings at risk here. I agree with what Toots has suggested below. You sound very close to your father; I dare say he would not be best pleased with you at a later date if he found out you knew and done nothing! Tell your mother that if you found out about the affair how long before someone else in the family finds out too?

Toots wrote: »

I also disagree with those who say it is not your business.

Personally I would have to talk to my mother about it and I would be very forthright and tell her that I have seen the texts and I would tell her that she needs to speak to my father about it. Hopefully they may be able to sort out whatever it is that has caused her to begin an affair but, if not, at least your dad won't end up being a mug living in blissful ignorance.

silvercar

It really is not your job to tell your father.

grey_lady

Tell her you know and see what she say's - maybe, somehow you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick? If not then you don't have to live with it until your ready to explode and you get to hear her side, there could be a lot of other stuff you dnot know.

cazac71

penny64 wrote: »

I am 25 so not a child anymore, my parents are early 50's. They have been married for 27 years. With 4 children.

Tell her that you found the texts, .....then let her sort it out with your father, as you said, you arnt a child.

chattycathy1674

What an awful predicament to be in.

If I was in your shoes...I think I would speak to Mum. Tell her I've seen the texts and how shocked/upset I am about it. How dad would feel etc.......
That's the worst thing in these situations...being the last to know, being made a mug of. Yes, it's going to be painful but down the line even more so....because he may find out that YOU also know and that will add to the hurt.
Of course it's your business...she's your mother, she brought the 'business' to the door....and because of her actions you've been put in this awful predicament. That is not fair either.
I wouldn't skip round the issue with her..ie...were the texts meant for someone else etc....That could just open the door for more lies and in the end more hurt.
She needs to come clean and your father has a right to know.
Ideally she needs to speak to your father and where they go from there is up to them.
This shouldn't be a burden for your shoulders.

I really hope things are sorted soon X

JoJoB

Definitely speak to your mum. An awful lot of fantasy and denial can be going on in the mind of someone having an affair. It will do her good to be confronted with reality - that her actions have impacted on someone (you) and caused hurt where no doubt she didn't want to cause it. It may shock her into coming to her senses or at least making a decision either way instead of continuing the deception.

ailuro2

Tell her you know, and ask her to stop the affair, or she should tell your father and put him out of his misery.

If your father is working long hours as a farmer then maybe she's feeling neglected now all the kids are grown up, and she is entitled to hugs the same as everyone else.

Maybe they can work it out?

The last thing you should do though, is tell you Father. It's not your place. That has to come from your mother, otherwise he may blame you for any break up because he was happy when he didn't know...

January20

Speak to your mother and tell her you found the texts and let her explain if she wishes to do so. She might be your mother but she is also a woman with a life which now you are an adult is completely independent from yours.

Don't tell your father, it's not your job. And at the moment you have nothing to tell him apart from finding some old text messages.

Don't judge your mother as you don't know the details of her relationship with your father.