Found out mother is having affair

penny64

Just found out my mother is having an affair, i havnt told my father yet, im in shock to honest i never in a million years thought she would do something like this.

My father is a farmer and owns his farm, my question is, is she entitled to half of this? i assume she is entitled to half of the family home. Anyone know how livestock, machinery etc. . . would be affected? he also has money in the bank in his own account is she entitled to half of that too?

i dont know wat to do at the minute do i tell my father 1st or do i confront her 1st?

thanks

laurad85

i think your thinking too far ahead, your assuming they will want to seperate/get divorced. They might want to work through things or may have been having problems for a long time. Your dad might also be aware of it but decided not to tell you. I dont know what i would do in your situation, i dont think i could face telling him myself so i would probably talk to my mum first. How did you find out? does she know that you know?

hev_2

I would suggest that you say nothing and stay out of it as much as possible. That way you may end up still having a working relationship with both of them.

IIRC if your mother is divorced for adultery it may affect the settlement. She would need legal advice, as would your father. Try and treat this as their problem, and don't be a scapegoat for any of the mud that flies round.

Really sorry, though, to hear this. Your world must feel shaken.

galvanizersbaby

Yikes penny 64
I would speak to your mother asap if I were you - you don't say how you've found out - is this definite or just rumour?

beer_tins

How old are you and your parents? how long have they been married?

My mum had an affair too and in my case my parents divorced, but that doesn't mean yours will.

Best of luck through all of this, I know exactly how you must be feeling.

aliasojo

I know it's your parents and you will want to look out for both of them equally....but you really are best sticking to the parent/child aspects of your relationship with them and let them deal with the relationship between them as adults.

If you feel disloyal to your Dad by not saying anything, then speak to your Mum but dont go blurt it all out to him.

I'm not saying this is the case here, but a surprising number of older people prefer to not know these things and are happy to let things be even if they have a suspicion. If they are made to confront it, that's when all manner of hurt is unleashed.

penny64

she has been acting strange for months i actually thought she was sick, i was using her old phone as mine had broke and i found all these texts on it. she doesnt know that i know. And its with a man she was engaged to before my father i was never told much about him.

I really dont think they have been having problems they never fight an odd argument over something silly nothing serious. And i do know that my father will be absolutly destroyed by this not to mention my 2 sisters and brother! I cant see him wanting to work things out and judging by her texts i think she will run off with the affair!

The farm has been passed down from generation to generation, farming is all he knows and if that was takin away from him as well as his wife i dont think he would survive it!

kazwookie

OMG Steer well clear, IMO it is nothing to do with you.

Get on with your own life............

penny64

I am 25 so not a child anymore, my parents are early 50's. They have been married for 27 years. With 4 children.

Merlot

kazwookie wrote: »

OMG Steer well clear, IMO it is nothing to do with you.

Get on with your own life............

My advice too, stay out of it, you could end up not speaking to your mother for years, it will come out eventually, and my advice be there when it does, but do not be the one to set the cat amongst the pigeons.

Are you absolutely sure these texts are your mothers? and not someone else? Did she loan the phone to someone?

daphne_descends

It's none of your business, steer well clear.