advice for abused friend please?

verysillyguy06

I know i will be shot but here goes...social services have a duty to protect your children...my county has moved a mum secretly out of a situation like that...get them to help...if she does go...remember to take papers along if she flees...passport, birth certificate..its often forgotten when you have to run and makes a new start much more difficult...going to social services shows that she is protecting the child...please please encourage her...women's aid is also a great idea...they will help...act before it is too late....good luck...man sounds very dangerous and it is obviously escalating....

kendalls_cave

I was in this situation just over two years ago. I contacted woman's aid and got into a refuge. I initially went to one in my home town, but it was too close, so I moved area's. I went into a refuge here while the council re-housed me. The refuge workers were great, helped me claim benefits and stuff. It's scary leaving, but it can be done. She will only do it when she is ready though. I know it sounds stupid but some woman stay cos the think it's all they deserve. PM me if you want anymore help.

cobbingstones

Oh how dreadful! Like the above poster mentioned try SS. They have a duty to protect under the Children's Act 1989. Also please ask her to call Women's Aid they are fantastic.

Make sure she gets out and back in control asap.

Best of luck to her

MM x

Emmy_L

tell her to leavre and go to a womens refuge.
The council tried the whole rent arrears on my sister,but as she had relinquished her JOINT TENANCY she was no longer responsible for that,so tell her to get the CAB involved in that one.
In my sisters case,she had to leave EVERYTHING behind...she took a bag of supplies for baby and a change of clothes plus pushchair...the refuge told her to do this so that when she got a place of her own she was able to apply for a grant or to furniture mine for the essentials.
Also,tell her to get social services involved...not sure what it is like in other places,but the one where I am was willing to help my sister out with nappies and milk for the baby,and gingerbread,which is where she was staying,helped her sort out forms,gave her some courses to go and and was,in general,a great support.
I wish her lots of luck,I know she will be scared.

seashore321

Make up a bag of all items required to leave, birth cert, police files, passports drivers licences etc, go to local womens aid, refuge centre, battered wives whatever. No one should have to put up with this and as he has a previous it should help with the soc services. Get out now it is no good for your child. The police telling soc services and will take her son into care is not true they are only trying to make her see sense. Do not bring your child up in this environment and shame on the previous partners as it should be show and tell.
Get out now before your child thinks that this behaviour is normal.please!
Good luck and hope for the future.

bettiboop

As previous posters have said, it would be of great benefit to your friend if she went to Woman's Aid for advice and guidance. Maybe a friendly face going along with her, or sitting with her when she makes the phonecall would help.

The housing department do have a duty to support vulnerable people, and I would most definetly say being pregnant and in a violent relationship are grounds for being classed as vulnerable. Your friend needs to claim that she is "fleeing violence". Again, it would help if she felt strong enough to report the latest incident to the police, which perhaps would act as more evidence for the local housing office. Maybe even a Woman's Aid worker could support her to the housing office to explain circumstances.

By the sounds of things, your friend has had a negative experience with social services, however they are there to help. Perhaps making contact with them, stating that she is looking for help because the situation has deterioated may actually help the process, after all social services and housing are all part of the same local authority.

I hope your friend finds the courage to protect herself and her child, because no-one deserves to be treated like this, however often the influence that the perpretrator has over his victim is very strong and it may take her a very long time to develop the confidence that she needs to break free.

Hope this helps.

Bettiboop

wickedwitch_2

I can only agree with everything that everyone else has said. She needs to get out and fast.

However she needn't worry about her dog. The Dog's Trust operate a scheme in London and Yorkshire that is specifically to help women (and of course some men) who need to flee domestic violence but have a dog to care for. The dog is placed with foster carers until it can be reunited with its owner.

The details are here and there are also some useful links to domestic violence help lines. http://www.dogstrust.org.uk/wayswehelp/freedom_project/

Next time he attacks her - and there will be a next time - she must call the police who can and should take her to a place of safety. Better if she gets out before that happens tho.

bettiboop

Sorry, meant to include this in my post earlier - it'a a great resource, has all the answers to the questions that your asking.
http://womensaid.nemisys.uk.com/

Bettiboop
x

Sharlee

Or ring the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0800 2000247, who will give you details of services in your area,

Regards
Sharlee

Overthetop

"after he was arrested the police sent social services around and they told her that she had a duty to protect her child and that if the police came to the address again her son would be taken into care"

That’s appalling advice, yes they do have a duty of care but they don’t have a duty to threaten to take children away if a mother phones the police because she is in danger after being attacked by her partner.
Who trained that all powerful social worker!