advice for abused friend please?

katiesmummy

ok this is a bit of a long one so please bear with me.

my friend has been with her partner for 2 years and they have a 6 month old baby together. soon after she became pregnant her oh started beating her- from what i can gather it started as a slap or two but has now escalated to full on beatings. she called the police on him once and he was arrested for assault and given a 3 month suspended sentence by the court. she found out around the same time that his ex has an injunction against him. after he was arrested the police sent social services around and they told her that she had a duty to protect her child and that if the police came to the address again her son would be taken into care. she is now too terrified to call the police whenever anything happens. she has asked him to leave and he wont. he refuses to give her any money so she has to claim benefits to support herself and her baby as he wont allow her to work or go anywhere without his prior approval. she went to the council to ask about emergency accommodation/rehousing and was told that until she has paid her rent arrears they cant/wont help her.
the latest incident was yesterday at 6am when he smashed the bedroom door because she didnt make the right sandwiches for his lunch box.
i dont know what to do to help her. she wants to leave but is terrified of him finding her- he has threatened to kill her if she leaves with the baby- she can leave if she wants but on her own- the baby stays with him
she has no family and very few friends and is totally alone in all this

can anyone offer any advice on what i can do to help her?
thank you

macymoo

I believe a council has a duty to house someone who is in fear of their safety, this may be a womens refuge or temporary accommodation? Try womens Aid. GET AN INJUCTION

frugallass

katiesmummy wrote: »

she went to the council to ask about emergency accommodation/rehousing and was told that until she has paid her rent arrears they cant/wont help her.

Which council said that?

I'm not 100% sure how to best deal with this but if it were a friend of mine I would either go to CAB or a police station or ring Samaritans and ask for some advice. It's sounds to me like she needs to get out of there and quick. Women's Aid are a fantastic organisation and I'm sure they will be able to do something.

katiesmummy

frugallass wrote: »

Which council said that?

I'm not 100% sure how to best deal with this but if it were a friend of mine I would either go to CAB or a police station or ring Samaritans and ask for some advice. It's sounds to me like she needs to get out of there and quick. Women's Aid are a fantastic organisation and I'm sure they will be able to do something.

she is under the same council as me and it doesnt surprise me that they said this tbh. when i was in a similar position i went to them and asked for help getting my locks changed- they told me to do it myself. when i asked previous to that about being moved, they prioritize you according to how many crime numbers you have apparently. as i had only 2, although there were many more incidents they had me as low priority.

dont think i should go to the police as i dont want them turning up on her doorstep iykwim. samaritans is a good one though, will give them a call, also cab
thank you

frugallass

name and shame the council....

have a look at the women's aid website too, it's got some great advice there

Surely the police can offer you advice if you call in to see them, you don't have to give her details

katiesmummy

frugallass wrote: »

name and shame the council....

have a look at the women's aid website too, it's got some great advice there

Surely the police can offer you advice if you call in to see them, you don't have to give her details

its hackney council

i will pop in to my local stn and see what they say

one thing i did think of, although it might not work/be doable is for her to 'accidentally' lose her keys-would the council not be obliged to change the locks for her then? she has those special security locks which cannot be changed by a normal locksmith iykwim

frugallass

to be honest it sounds to me like she needs a brand new start, to leave that place, if he knows she is there he will harass her and it sounds to me like he would find another way of getting in anyway

keep us updated on how you get on

katiesmummy

frugallass wrote: »

to be honest it sounds to me like she needs a brand new start, to leave that place, if he knows she is there he will harass her and it sounds to me like he would find another way of getting in anyway

keep us updated on how you get on

i will do, thank you

when you say 'new start' do you mean a move to a new area? i did think of ringing womens aid on her behalf and asking for details of a refuge she could go to, but would it be local or out of london do you know? also, would her rent arrears not go against her when the time came to find a permenant home?

also, and i know this is very minor in the grand scheme of things, what about her dog? would he have to be rehomed?

sorry about all the questions!

frugallass

katiesmummy wrote: »

i will do, thank you

when you say 'new start' do you mean a move to a new area? i did think of ringing womens aid on her behalf and asking for details of a refuge she could go to, but would it be local or out of london do you know? also, would her rent arrears not go against her when the time came to find a permenant home?

also, and i know this is very minor in the grand scheme of things, what about her dog? would he have to be rehomed?

sorry about all the questions!

if she wants to be safe and doesn't want to keep bumping into him then yeah, I would suggest a brand new start in a new area - logistically it might be difficult but it would be my preferred option

speak to women's aid and see what they say, write stuff down because you might be bombarded with info - mention the rent arrears and the dog to them, I'm not too sure how to answer those questions - sorry

CB1979_2

seriously if she wants out and away from him.

arrange to get all her stuff together one day when he ain't around and get her out of there asap!

dump the dog somewhere else for the time being (a friend??), if it stops getting them a place.

can she not doss at your place in the meantime?
seriously if it was my friend and they wanted out, i'd do anything NOW to get them out of there!

jetcat

having been in your friend's position before, i would def try womans aid. they can help her leave to safety and sort out finances etc. re her rent arrears, once she is in a safe place, her own money etc. she can agree some kind of payment plan with the landlord (at one point i was paying as little as £10 per month). they should look at willingness to pay, and once regular payments have been made for 3 months or so, she will be eligible to apply for permanent housing. although, that does kind of depend on the level of arrears. and again, womans aid would be able to help with that.

good luck, i do hope your friend gets the help she needs. as an afterthought, i know she is worried that social services will take her baby, but maybe they are worth trying for support/help with moving etc - that would at least show them she is trying to keep baby safe?