When would you financially bed your partner? Poll Results/Discussion

chog24

My partner and I recently opened a joint account (not for our entire salary, however: we both will put in the same amount each month and use it for the things we buy together - holidays, meals out, tickets for events etc.) and found that the majority of banks would not allow us to open a joint account because we don't live together. Others in a similar situation should avoid HSBC, First Direct (our initial choices, since we're both customers) and Abbey (mind you, everyone should avoid Abbey because their customer service is appalling) and head over to Alliance and Liecester, who were happy to open a joint account for us, despite the fact that we had different addresses and whose requirements for the amount of money you put into the account each month were far lower than other institutions.

gaily

My hubby and I have a bills aco!!!!, and our own accounts - but they are all linked under 1 'mortgage' account, so we can see what each other is up to.

I have his password, and do some of his online bill paying for him - but only when asked.

We have different attitudes to cash, with me spending everything I have each month, and him being a saver - I'm not in debt, but never have more than £10 in the account at the end of the month!! He gets worried if there aren't 4 figures left!?! (Yes we do have proper savings elsewhere, but he likes his litlte comfort blanket in his account)

I think it depends on who you are, and how you both view cash.

Phuddles

:eek:What a can of worms!! I had a joint account with ex husband, plus a savings account of my own. I 'managed' the money, juggling all the time to cope with his overspending. If a big bill came in it was 'what's in your account?' and I would pay the bill & be promised payment back at £10 a month from the joint funds (no matter whether it was £50 or £200) so I never did get all of the money back. :mad::mad::mad:. I have now been happily divorced for 16 years and my friends think I am anally retentive about money, as I know pretty much to the penny the balance on my current account and a darned good idea of what's in my savings at any particular moment! My only debt is the mortgage, just brought it down to £33k which will be paid off by 2013 if not before. I only spend on credit cards if I have the money to pay off in full. I've been with my current partner who is almost as crap with money as my ex, but our finances are separate. If we plan to go on holiday he gives me money to save in my account for it, otherwise he would have it spent! That would be a never, ever, not no how!

cherryblossom_3

I guess any response to this thread is going to depend on your personal experience - I am currently going through a divorce in which finances have been a factor.

In many respects our financial situation was quite straight forward - we both earnt around the same and therefore contributed the same towards household expenses. When we got engaged we opened a joint account. This was for bills and other household expenses (I didn't manage to get as far as saving for holidays etc). I knew that my husband didn't have a good track record with money but I guess that love is blind and I thought I could control things.

The theory behind the joint account was that I could ensure all the bills would be paid and that my husband and I would keep our personal accounts for luxuries and personal expenses such as our cars, petrol (and personal debts) etc. This meant that I wouldn't nag him everytime he bought a DVD and I was able to treat myself from time to time without feeling guilty. Quite simple in theory. However with heinsight I can see that money has always been a bit of an issue between us. He borrowed some of our engagement/wedding money which was never paid back (and somehow was forgotten until after he left). He frequently borrowed out of the joint account at the end of the month when he ran out of his own - without checking if it was ok with me (and I dealt with the household finances). When he left the joint account was in the red - partly due to him borrowing out of it - which he thought was ok because we had an overdraft (which I'd arranged for emergencies).

I apologise if I sound bitter and twisted, but I think that's just the stage of divorce that I'm at currently. However on the positive I have completely changed my spending habits and have gone back to my sensible ways of the past. Effectively my salary has halved, yet where before I struggled to get to the end of the month, I can now pay all the bills, have paid a lump off my credit card and have put a little money aside. I know I'm better off. The irony is that he doesn't admit to money being one of the reasons he left!

I'm not sure whether I would do the same again next time but I suppose it depends on the other person. What worries me is whether I'll really know that person. Hopefully next time I'll not be as naive.

NoDinero

Talking about money is the one thing I find difficult in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years (lived together for 3) and I still find discussing it uncomfortable.

The household bills have always come out of my account as it was my flat before he moved in. I spent two years permanantly chasing him for money for the bills. He earns 12k more than me and it started to annoy me that I was always asking him for the cash - as it would leave me with very little once the bills were paid.

He has his own house (which is rented out) with a mortgage on and I understand that he has some bills to pay too but he would still have more disposible income than me after they were paid.

He has always given me the money eventually but the constant chasing annoyed me. I asked him to transfer a certain amount for half the bills every month but he never set it up (which annoys me even more - the fact that he wouldn't just go to the bank and organise it).

So last year I decided I'd had enough and worked out that our food shopping bills per month were roughly the same amount as the bills I was paying and, in not so many words, I told him that it was only fair if he from now on paid for all the food shopping and I would pay the bills. He agreed and I don't feel I'm chasing him anymore.

The funny thing is - we've gone from getting branded food to all of a sudden the cheaper versions of everything in the supermarket.

It's funny when he's just paying himself he now knows how much everything costs.

He had his fingers burnt in a previous relationship and now he's gone to the extreme. I know he paid for his ex's child's (not his) school fees, toys, food etc and paid for holidays and kept them both as she didn't work.

He doesn't have any credit cards or debt as his ex spent a fortune on one and he vowed never to get another once he paid it off. But this also annoys me as any larger costs (Flights, holidays etc) are expected to be paid on my CC.

I am very careful with my money and would feel eventually I would want a joint account which we both paid into for our joint expenses (bills, food, mortgage etc) to make sure it was fair. I would still keep my own account and expect him to keep his for the rest of our money.

I think women are much more savvy with their cash now and want to know what is being spent on what. I check my account everyday and know exactly what is coming in and going out.

My partner, on the other hand, checks his once a month (max) and has no idea at anyone time exactly how much is in his account or if he has gone into his overdraft.

wildbri

we have been together over 40 years, married over 36years we dont have a joint account infact never even thought about it we just have our own current accounts and my wife has a savings account. My wife uses two credit cards but the are in my name, which we sort out when the bills come in. I must say that at one time in the past when my wife worked part time she did complain about using "her money" to pay for some household bills....

Shopping_addict_2

I have been with my partner for 7 1/2 years, we moved in together 6 months ago and set up a joint account. We have complete trust in each other and would not have thought have having a joint mortgage if we couldn't trust each other with money. Both our salaries are paid into the joint account and all bills are paid out from it. If we want something extra we consult each other and if we have enough money we will get it. Can't imagine not sharing, when you're in a relationship surely everything should be 50/50??

Badger_Lady

It's so interesting reading everyone else's stories!

When my ex was working, it was on an entry-level retail salary, so I pretty much resigned myself to paying for everything. He helped out (reluctantly) with the "luxury" goods, like going out for drinks / meals etc.

Funny thing is, when we split up and I helped him find a place to rent, he had to produce some recently salary slips as proof of earnings. It turns out that, with the commission he was earning, he was on £3k a year more than me! :eek:

He had no savings of any kind - theory is that more than half his wages went on beer and whisky.

Sharp_Eyes

Badger_Lady wrote: »

It's so interesting reading everyone else's stories!

When my ex was working, it was on an entry-level retail salary, so I pretty much resigned myself to paying for everything. He helped out (reluctantly) with the "luxury" goods, like going out for drinks / meals etc.

Funny thing is, when we split up and I helped him find a place to rent, he had to produce some recently salary slips as proof of earnings. It turns out that, with the commission he was earning, he was on £3k a year more than me! :eek:

He had no savings of any kind - theory is that more than half his wages went on beer and whisky.

Now see....that's the thing. I have no problems with propping up someone who I care for who is genuinely in need or having a hard time. The problem comes in when you get taken advantage of because the other person thinks that you have more than them so they are entitled...or just because they CAN really. I believe in trust in a relationship but then you hear of things like this and you wonder if relationships can't be somewhat of a sham sometimes. "I love you until somebody better comes along"... Cynicism reigns!

29 May 2008 - THE husband of special constable Nisha Patel-Nasri was yesterday convicted of organising her murder to fund a luxury lifestyle with his mistress.

Fadi Nasri, 34, had his wife stabbed so he could use a £350,000 life insurance policy to bankroll the affair. :eek:

rara32

I've been with my OH for 11 yrs. We set up a joint account when me moved into our first place (about 1 year after we met). Initially we used to pay in the same amount each month to the account to cover all bills and food etc then when we bought our first place about 3 yrs later we changed it so that we pay our salaries in and each pay ourselves from the account the same amount of spending money each month. This meant we were able to check our spending more and allowed us to pay money left over into a joint savings account and into our ISA's each year. It really helped when we were paying for our wedding as we could track where every penny was going and enabled us to not end up with any debt afterwards. It's worked really well for us and because we both manage the finances together it means we are both aware of where our money goes each month.