When would you financially bed your partner? Poll Results/Discussion

Morgan2010

Money in relationships is always a difficult area.

I have quite a relaxed attitude and don't count every penny but expect to be roughly equal.

My ex borrowed £200 for spending money when we went away on holiday (as he hadn't budgetted for it despite knowing for months). This was a hell of a lot for me but really had no choice other than to cancel holiday.

He wasn't happy about paying it back in one lump, or agreeing to pay £50 a month, so I popped it on a spreadsheet with other stuff he owed me (ferries etc for holiday). For the next couple of months he paid completly for stuff we'd normally split and my half came off what he owed me.

We split up a few months later when he still owed me over £100. He tried to get out of it by going back over our entire relationship and trying to get me to pay half of everything he could remember spending.:mad:

Really annoying as he earned about 25% more than me and was paying stuff he didn't use (contract on ex's of 3 years earliers mobile (that was long since lost) , gym membership etc) and spent more that he earned. While I was very carefully budgetting to get by and reduce debts.

Makes me very wary of getting a joint account with anyone.

Morgan2010

teddyco wrote: »

Marker,

My wife and I are from the 'old school' of Christian thinking, and were taught by our parents that it was a sin and socially wrong to live together without making a covenant of marriage with God's blessing for success in life.

Now, we see a hatred for God and the things of God, and folks trying to re-write the rules and ways of living in England.

Sadly, we see the problems that it has created in our society with folks who don't want to obey rules that have made England a great country for 1000 years.

Maybe when the streets are running wild with drug addicts and gangs, and the TV is filled with live sex acts, and no one knows who their parents are, people will repent and return to old Christian values?

There are many folks, sitting out there in the dark, afraid to voice these same ideas, but they are still with us in England.

Go ahead folks, bash away!

Sorry I thought we were talking money not religion!

Not that I entirely disagree with you. I think it's more moral thing than a religious thing though and unfortunately by bringing religion into it you will alienate people.

I'm not a Christian and never will be (Sorry if that offends!). But I do have values. I was brought up to believe

• Treat others as you would like them to treat you
• Respect others beliefs
• Have consideration for how your actions effect others and yourself

If everyone taught those rules to their children I think the world would be better regardless of religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs.

Marriage wise I'm not a big believer but would get married (and have joint account) if I was going to have children.

Excuse the double post but couldn't work out how to amend original and add quote

lilmissmup

I would get a joint mortgage as me and my OH of 5 years have a joint tenancy agreement anyway but i like having my own bank account and would never get a joint one.

At the moment all bills go out of my account (hes crap with money and direct debits used to bounce costing him!) and he gives me the money needed each month and we half everything even though he earns about £250 more than i do a month, i want us to be equal.

If we have kids we may have to review how things are paid but i still would keep my own account!

nearlyrich

You don't have to be religious or married to have morals....

We have a joint account for joint bills, we had a joint savings account for when we were ovepaying our joint mortgage, which is now paid off. We also have our own accounts and are otherwise financially independent and we have never had a row about money.

Spendless

We changed our accounts to a joint one after we'd married and I'd given up work to have our eldest. With a joint account we can see what the other one is spending, though neither of us would spend more than say £50 without consulting other. I do know of someone whose husband financed his mistress out of his bank account.:eek: His wife found out about it when he was in hospital and she opened his bank statement.

blind-as-a-bat_2

I actually find the poll behind this thread to be in very bad taste but that’s probably me and my old fashioned way at looking at things

Obviously your credit score is more important than your marriage vows these days..................

Woodyrocks

I felt like such a cynic as I went to click on never but then felt much better when I saw that the majority felt the same as I did

I don't know why but the thought of not having some kind of financial autonomy within a relationship just leaves me cold (that is not to say I still don't have fantasies of snagging myself a solvent older guy lol)

Woodyrocks

Spendless wrote: »

We changed our accounts to a joint one after we'd married and I'd given up work to have our eldest. With a joint account we can see what the other one is spending, though neither of us would spend more than say £50 without consulting other. I do know of someone whose husband financed his mistress out of his bank account.:eek: His wife found out about it when he was in hospital and she opened his bank statement.

Imagine being the poor mistress having to field calls and emails from said wife just because of the husband's indiscretion :rolleyes:

Chi_2

Reading through this thread there seems to be differences of what "getting a joint account" means to people. It seems to me that some people define getting a joint account as "ditch your own accounts and pay everything into - and out of - a single consolidated account" whereas others read it as "get a joint account as well in order to simplify household expenses, and fund it out of the two seperate accounts, but don't pay wages straight into it."

I'm with the latter group.

I am just getting my first joint account with my partner (only been together 18 months, but knowing her attitudes to money, I trust her enough for this) which will be used solely for household expenses (including buying food, but not buying takeaways or dining out!), but this does not for a minute mean I will not maintain seperate accounts as well.

I will always maintain an individual account (if nothing else so that I can ditch & switch to another one without needing to negotiate this with the other half!), and individual savings of some description (even if it is just pocket money! I don't splurge often, but want the ability to splash out on some new toy every once in a blue moon without having to discuss whether or not I am allowed to buy it ;p I view that as a perk (and incentive to continue) for having saved for so many years).

In terms of funding the joint account, this will depend on financial situation - we both earn enough not to have to worry about money (about £25K and £43K - I won't say whose is whose), and so we will currently fund it 50/50, but if one of our incomes drops to a lower level for whatever reason, the one earning significantly more will fund significantly more!

After all, I currently have two current accounts (A&L for main stuff, Nationwide for spending in $$$/€€€), several savings accounts and ISAs, 2 credit cards (of which one will nominally be made "joint" for household expenditure), I don't see why this should be any different after I get financially hitched... apart from the linking of records from a credit point of view, natch.

Sharp_Eyes

Morgan2010 wrote: »

Money in relationships is always a difficult area.

I have quite a relaxed attitude and don't count every penny but expect to be roughly equal.

My ex borrowed £200 for spending money when we went away on holiday (as he hadn't budgetted for it despite knowing for months). This was a hell of a lot for me but really had no choice other than to cancel holiday.

He wasn't happy about paying it back in one lump, or agreeing to pay £50 a month, so I popped it on a spreadsheet with other stuff he owed me (ferries etc for holiday). For the next couple of months he paid completly for stuff we'd normally split and my half came off what he owed me.

We split up a few months later when he still owed me over £100. He tried to get out of it by going back over our entire relationship and trying to get me to pay half of everything he could remember spending.:mad:

Really annoying as he earned about 25% more than me and was paying stuff he didn't use (contract on ex's of 3 years earliers mobile (that was long since lost) , gym membership etc) and spent more that he earned. While I was very carefully budgetting to get by and reduce debts.

Makes me very wary of getting a joint account with anyone.

I agree with your :mad: on the loan. I believe a loan is a LOAN whether it's for 20 or 200 pounds, and whether you are in a relationship or not. Yes, you share bills and other things but it's still a LOAN.

I have yet to meet a person that I would be willing to get a joint account with. I voted for NEVER because I notice that a lot of people's attitude to money is that "Live it up today for you may die tomorrow" kind of thing. I'm very careful of saving and when I get nice things people say I am "lucky" and they never have nice things but they waste it away every week on dinners out, drinks, an upgraded phone whenever a new one comes out, clothes they hardly ever wear etc. I'd be VERY annoyed if someone was gadding about while I was trying to save 2p!!!!! :rotfl:

I'd keep separate accounts so I wouldn't have to see what they are spending and they get their own freedom to spend whatever they like...just as long as bills are being split fairly I don't see the need for one. I don't really want to turn into a nag! It would be excellent to find someone as thrifty as I am though!