I don't know how to get round this

Triker

Just say that your part of an exclusive club (MSE) and that this takes up all your time and energy and that spending money is soooooo last year.:D

Sheepy1209

It's true, spending money is indeed sooooo last year.

Frugality is in fashion; conspicuous consumption is out. With the environment as a backdrop and the credit crunch giving the big push, make-do-and-mend is now more than acceptable, it's the thing to be seen doing.

It seems obvious that you shouldn't spend what you can't afford, but it's taken me 20 years to get to that point! Having got a grip, I'm now finding it's not raising any eyebrows whatsoever.

And when I pay my debts off, it'll be like a 100% payrise!

EXPAT_2

What a good response...I like that idea...a lot!:p

bubbles0169

hi fellow night owl
your famous your in the weekly email!
havent you had lots of good advice so far
id have said a few of it too
re the beavers thing
just say your kids werent intrested
i cant really say anymore sorry as i just tell em im skint!
i think my sis thinks im loaded as weve got nice stuff too (which oh paid for with hard earned cash)and always asking for money the amount of times ive said i havent got any youd have thought shed got the hint by now but no only yesterday she wanted some!
if you ever want to pm please do just to get it off ya chest and have a rant i dont mind
or stick it on the boards no one will mind here either!
us owls gotta hoot together a? xxxxxx

icka

Hey There

Just been reading your thread and I am totally in the same boat, My mum is from a small country town and she thinks I'm in a fantastic job, in a great area in the city.

Little does she know my rent costs more than my brothers and her mortgage put together and I got laid off about 6 weeks ago. I'm now temping for one third my origional pay. As jobs in my field are like gold dust.

The thing is rather than get into the whole thing with her- which believe me it's just not worth it. She came to see me expecting to be taken out etc.. like your mum. I went to Lidl and bought a trolly fully of stuff for like next to nothing, took everything out of the packages and put it into the branded packages, and cooked her a really nice meal. I said that I really wanted spend so quality time together, rather than having the hussle and bussle of town. I told her to put her feet up and I would look after her, I said it was a really tough week at work and I just needed to stay away from crowds.

She was so impressed that I had cooked from scratch(believe me it doesnt happen that often) it made her feel really special. So she went away thinking I was the worlds best daughter and I got the whole week or almost two weeks grocerys for the same price as a lunch in town.

Sometimes we just need to deal with these thing by ourselves, at my mums age she doesnt understand debt. So best just work around her. Next time I call down Ill take her a nice plant that I have been growing from a cutting.

This will make me inventive, I hope.

Hope this helps hon, but believe me you really really are not alone in this xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx icka:rotfl:

jo6

Just want to say that I have been in same boat and now have lots of excuses

a) have already lunch ready at home
b) dont feel well
c) want to know what im eating (as eating out cant be sure)
d) saving for something real nice and they cant cook as nice as me (or no privacy)

Good luck and hope you get round it!!!

count_rostov

I think if people were open about debt you'd realise that almost all 'nice' middle-class families live in their overdrafts and credit cards. We've just moved into a house that we're doing up and getting married this year so we have to be tight. Luckily for me, most of my friends are doing PhDs or work in publishing/art world so are on low incomes and have to be frugal. However, most of my fiance's friends work in finance and earn vast amounts so don't understand that he can't blow £600 on a stag weekend which they consider cheap as they're not going abroad! (see other posts) I think it's really selfish of them to behave like that when others obviously don't earn as much - although perhaps a lot of their extravegance goes on credit, who knows? Lukcily, fiance's brother's wife is expecting their second child and my brothers and sisters are all still in education or first jobs so there's no pressure within our family to spend money on seeing or treating each other.
If your mother's coming, what about making a really tasy picnic and fingers crossed for nice weather?

moanymoany

You know what - I would simply say what the situation is.

'We have overused the cc's and we have decided to pay off our debts. Because of this we will not be spending as usual - so, there will be no etc etc.

I know it is none of their business, but it is difficult when they are used to you paying the bill. Once you have put the information out there it will only be a nine days wonder. People will get used to you living differently.

I do think that 'saving face' can lead to further debt and certainly leads to unhappiness as you twist and turn to look as if you are maintaining the status quo. For me the twisting and turning would be far more difficult than the limited embarrassment of saying 'no, because.............'.

dubsey

I live quite a distance from my DD's school, so I park nearby and walk the last ten minutes with her best friends mum. They live in the 'posh' end of town and we live in the not so nice end. They have a very large house, two cars and foreign holidays every year and are very much keep up with the Joneses types. I've never really spoken to her much about finances becasue I presumed they didn't need to concern themselves with such things (both have well paid jobs). I told her I'd started working evenings in the restaurant to get me out of the house for a bit.

A couple of weeks ago I happened to mention the astronomical amount we spend on petrol a month and boy, what a can of worms I have unleashed! Turns out our worries are pretty much the same and now our daily morning and afternoon walks are filled with what things cost and how to cut back. I've even admitted how much I detest work and can't afford to leave, she feels exactly the same about her job, she'd love to give up but they would struggle without her pay.

People can surprise you. If you don't start maybe dropping in casually how tight the increase in the cost of living is becoming, how will you manage to continually find excuses for things, for instance, with the summer holidays fast approaching?

BigMummaF

Hi JustMe...I guess it's the half term break for you next week....so I was thinking that perhaps you could ask your mother to come over & do some crafting &/or cooking with the girls so you can have a picnic in the garden [or inside if the weather turns]Or something most granmas can't resist would be a hand-made invite from the children to attend 'their' party;)
I don't know the ages, but even toddlers like to mess around with strips of pastry:p Wrap cheapie masking tape around plastic beakers so they can be 'decorated'; make up 'menus'; decorate last years sun hats with colourful pages cut from magazines; paper fans.....
Basic fairy cakes can be iced in colours, lemon drizzle, melted chocolate; crispy cakes; pastry shapes dotted with dried fruit; I've even used pastry cutters to cut out marmite sandwiches:D & made cheese & cucumber 'hedgehogs' out of cheap bread rolls.

Now to WenB...as suggested before, could you also have more packed lunches whilst on your holiday? Experiment with cooking local cuisine so you can "do it at home"? Take more visits to the free attractions? Or at least buy food OUTSIDE the theme-park etc before you go in? Any idea of where you're planning on going, so you could surf for vouchers, deals etc? And also, have you considered selling some of the things you do have if only to raise a bit of extra spending money? You can always save up after the holiday to replace said items for an up-to-date model, which would also be the reason for you selling in the first place :whistle:Not your fault if you can't see what you're looking for, for a couple of years;)