I don't know how to get round this

124

Comments

  • SarahNeedle1872
    SarahNeedle1872 Posts: 6,166 Forumite
    Hiya Just Me...... and everyone else.
    I kinda know where you're coming from with this.... I have a similar problem now that we are nearly debt free. People think that because we are nearly debt free, we must have loads of spare money, or loads of spare credit to spend! Errrr no!
    I have never hidden our debt as such, but since being here and realising that I was not the only person in my position, I am way more confident about taling about debt..... In fact, if you do tell people, its suprising how many more people 'admit' to their problems. Over the past few months, loads of people I know have said about their money worries...... I even found out my Mum owes £14k in a loan :eek:

    I guess you can either come clean, and tell ur Mum what you are doing.... 'we have overspent in the past, but this is what we are doing to fix it, and secure a future for our children etc etc' or make an 'excuse'. Good ones include 'our fixed rate has ended, mortgage is huge' or other cost-of-living related expenses, or go with the whole green/eco/healthy living thing.

    Do whatever you feel most comfortable with....

    Sarah x
    'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars' - Oscar Wilde
  • Just_Me_4
    Just_Me_4 Posts: 481 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Thanks for all your fab responses, I must admit I had totally forgotten I had posted this question and am really pleased to see its been immortalised!

    I also forgot to mention that my mum and DH recently had a huuuuge row and so inviting her to my house is completely out of the question. I did tell her today though that I can't afford to go out for lunch and she didn't question it although she did make a point of saying she couldn't afford to pay for us - just to make it appear like I was asking her to (that's another story). We have agreed though that we will meet up after lunch which is a good solution. As for friends - I have one friend who I trust and have told her the truth but don't really have any other very close friends - the one who I have sponsored is a close friend but I am not comfortable telling her my situation.
    Lightbulb moment: 14 May 2008
    Debt free date: April 2014
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 188
    Nightowl Member No 16
  • jak
    jak Posts: 2,027 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    I think you should be honest about your debt. You don't have to say too much, just you can't afford to go out as you've got lots of bills this month should cover it. Also you could say to your Mum, you will bring the french stick if she provides the cheese!
    J
    X
    2022 Comp total (prizes + free spins): £494.81 #20 £12 a day Jan: £382.95/£372 #57 360 1p challenge: £17.70 £10 a day Feb: £571.09/£280 March: £311.96/£310
  • Just_Me_4
    Just_Me_4 Posts: 481 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    The thing is also I know that if I did tell my mum I wouldn't get support I'd get comments like "well we can't afford to help you" - and make it seem like I am asking her to bail me out. Then I would get the sob story from her about how she is paying for my sister's wedding (she didn't pay a penny towards mine - that's another story). Not telling her - like not telling her a lot of other stuff - just gives me a quiet life. Oh and DH would go completely ballistic if I told her he completely detests her (that's another another story lol).

    She's always thought that because we have nice things that we are rich and my sister gets all the handouts because she is unemployed and her df earns minimum wage.
    Lightbulb moment: 14 May 2008
    Debt free date: April 2014
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 188
    Nightowl Member No 16
  • Merlot
    Merlot Posts: 1,890 Forumite
    I think your mother will realise deep down you are in debt to some extent, as a poster said earlier most middle class families are.

    If you need help with the budgetting etc, please post an SOA and we will see if we can help you reduce your outgoings, every little helps towards those debt repayments.
    "Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does, except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place." — Abigail Van Buren
  • Just_Me_4
    Just_Me_4 Posts: 481 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Thanks Merlot. We are sorted as we have just applied to CCCS but until the DMP starts we have to be really careful. ;)
    Lightbulb moment: 14 May 2008
    Debt free date: April 2014
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 188
    Nightowl Member No 16
  • jak
    jak Posts: 2,027 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Just say you can't afford it and leave it at that then! I would! I think people start to take you for granted if you pay for too much stuff anyway!
    You mother sounds like MINE! THey can be a nightmare, can't they!?
    I agree with Merlot actually about posting a SOA. It's amazing how much people on here can help you!
    Also do you meal plan? Use coupons for money off shopping, write a list etc? It saves you a FORTUNE believe me!
    J
    X
    2022 Comp total (prizes + free spins): £494.81 #20 £12 a day Jan: £382.95/£372 #57 360 1p challenge: £17.70 £10 a day Feb: £571.09/£280 March: £311.96/£310
  • Merlot
    Merlot Posts: 1,890 Forumite
    i am pleased to read that you are taking action on these debts. £70,000 seems quite alot, but there are many other people on this board in a similar situation to yourself so you are not alone.

    CCCS are fantastic.

    I hope your OH and your mother work things out.

    Remember, your mortgage, ulility bills and council tax are the most important priority bills, pay them first, then food, anything left, give to the creditors until your DMP is sorted.
    "Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does, except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place." — Abigail Van Buren
  • Just_Me_4
    Just_Me_4 Posts: 481 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    jak wrote: »
    Also do you mela plan?

    I've never heard of that, can you tell me more?
    Lightbulb moment: 14 May 2008
    Debt free date: April 2014
    DMP Mutual Support Thread Member No 188
    Nightowl Member No 16
  • neverdespairgirl
    neverdespairgirl Posts: 16,501 Forumite
    I think the poster meant "meal plan", just a typo.

    It means planning ahead for, say, a week, working out what meals you will have and buying what you need for those meals.

    I'd second the suggestion about posting an SOA, the board is really helpful with cutting down things you might not see - always a good idea to get a second opinion!

    As far as your original enquiry goes, you don't need to be specific, you could say something like, "with the price of petrol, food and everything going up at the moment, we're being careful with our cash".
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
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