I don't know how to get round this



  • nimbo
    nimbo Posts: 3,698 Forumite
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    could you say that you are saving for something???

    they never need to know that it's to pay off your credit cards!!!!

    Stashbuster - 2014 98/100 - 2015 175/200 - 2016 501 / 500 2017 - 200 / 500 2018 3 / 500
  • SingleSue
    SingleSue Posts: 11,699 Forumite
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    Although I have almost negligable debt being a single parent on benefits also means you end up not being able to afford things (despite what some think about what we get).

    Having disabled children can be a great excuse for crying off at some events rather than admitting you can't afford it. If I get invited out for a meal (where we all pay our own), my usual stock answer is " Oh the babysitter is busy that night" or of course there is " Son number 1,2,or3 has a daytrip with the school the next day and I have to get everything ready"

    For trips where I need to take my car and then pay entry at the other end, I always lay the blame on my poor car...although I think it listened to me this last winter. After months of saying it had a dodgy radiator, it developed a dodgy radiator! It doesn't seem to want to listen when I say it does 100 miles to the gallon, is brand new with no dents though!

    It is horrible not having much money while others 'seem' to have...although a neighbour after 'seeming' to have plenty of money to splash around had a LBM about 6 months ago and eventually went bankrupt.
    We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
    Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.
  • skintas_2
    skintas_2 Posts: 1,679 Forumite
    cant you just invite mum around and sit in the garden and chat or something, ir make a excuse like you have someone calling around, thats why you cant leave the house. or tell her you cant eat out this week as you have had a big bill in, something you thought oh had paid or something, even if you tell your mum, im sure she will understand. everyone is tight at the moment, i have had 2 people from my kids school asking if i can lend them money in the last week. just because me and my partner work doesnt mean we have money. it comes in and goes back out again.
    i will be debt free, i will
  • sam89
    sam89 Posts: 267 Forumite
    Hi Just Me,

    We're in the same situation, both in good jobs and should have a large disposable income. Obviously we don't and I have used the following lines without causing awkwardness.

    > The bills keep going up but the wages don't.

    > We're saving for when the mortgage is paid off (6 years) as OH wants to change career at that point.

    >We're trying to live a more healthy lifestyle (packed lunches rather than bought)

    >Our discounted mortgage ended and hit us really hard

    All these statements are true and are met with understanding as there are more people in our boat than I ever imagined.

    Real friends will be friends regardless of what you can afford, the others were never real friends in the first place.

    DMP Mutual Support Member 138
    :D Proud to have dealt with my debts :D
    :beer:DMP completed 1/11/13:beer:
  • loopylu36
    loopylu36 Posts: 521 Forumite
    Hello Just Me

    I know exactly how you feel. Until my LBM, the words "I can't afford it" had never left my lips! I didn't budget for anything and thought I was "entitled" to anything that I wanted, because like you, me and DH both had well paid jobs and in theory, realistic outgoings. However, it is a vicious circle as once you have to start servicing the debt for the things that you bought, that you could "afford" you have and less disposable income and having got into the habit of having whatever you like, it is hard to deny yourself, and you then spend more on credit, and as we all know, this is when the problems start.

    However, although we do have nice things, most of our debt has been accrued through generally being silly with money (perhaps taking two holidays a year when we should have had only one - or maybe none?:o ) and just "frittering" In that respect our lifestyle is not any different to most of my friends. What I'm trying to say is that a) they may be in just as much difficulty as you and b) my friends are not going to notice a massive change in my spending habits, because I now have a budget to stick to and although they may be a little surprised, when I utter the phrase " I can't afford it" I don't think anyone will really think a lot of it. EVERYTHING is so expensive these days (we spent £97 on diesel alone last week! :eek: ) and everyone acknowldeges that.

    Perhaps you could say to your mother, that you are just trying to "cut back" a bit cos of everything going up and you don't want to end up in a mess?;) You could say you are on an economy drive, cos you looked at your bank account and realised how much money you were wasting, and also that you want to instill good spending habits in your children. I honestly don't think that your mother will be that surprised as everyone is feeling the pinch at the moment.


    L x
  • Bean_Counter
    Bean_Counter Posts: 1,496 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Just_Me wrote: »
    but what do I say when someone asks me to sponsor them for a charity run

    Why not just sponsor a couple of quid and say that you have set up all your charity giving as standing orders so that the charity can get the tax back under Gift Aid.
    Today is the first day of the rest of your life
  • sparky0107
    sparky0107 Posts: 3,496 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    onamission wrote: »
    or just admit it - lately i had the same thing about going on weekend break for a birthday - I said i hadn't booked flights cos i couldnt afford them (yet) and I got "put in on your cc" -and when i said i haven't got one they said "put it on OH cc".. They still haven't realised that we have all the bills, twice the mortgage of them and their income is double ours. I just said i can't afford it and thats the end of it. I'm losing friends over this but then i think that they are not true friends.
    I may look mean but when they get their LB moment I'll be laughing.

    True friends are the ones that stand by you no matter what, false friends are the one's who walk away when you need them, you're better off without them. Good friends you can tell anything and they won't judge you.
    Sparky0107 - Sealed pot challenge member #002. Total for SPC3 £1,030.57 Total For SPC 4 £2247.00 Total for SPC 5 £2574.62 :T Total for SPC 6 £4552.91:T
    :rotfl:LC2 & Jakes-Mum are off their heads :rotfl
    :j DEBT FREE AS OF 20/01/2012 :j
  • pollyanna24
    pollyanna24 Posts: 4,370 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    My mother also thinks me and bf are fantastically well off as we earn £58K between us. And that my brother is the poor one as he only gets £40K to himself!!!!

    But bro still lives at home, whereas our mortgage is £1,000 a month!

    My mother has always thought I'm tight and that we have piles of money somewhere. Although I have a reputation for being tight, people seem to think we are loaded as we have a nice house, newish car, etc.

    But we're not. We have savings (I am pregnant so will defo need them soon), but we just didn't go mad. I'm always looking for a bargain, always pick the penny up off the floor, our holidays are to bf's mum who lives in Europe.

    But we are not rich by any means and our incomings pretty well match our outgoings. If I was meeting up with my mother, we might well go out for lunch, why not?, but it would probably be the only time that week that I did and therefore I would properly enjoy it. So maybe you should go out, but make it just that once for that week.

    I'm not saying somewhere expensive. If my mum met up with me, we would either go to Greggs, a cafe, or Weatherspoons, or visit Tescos and buy posh bread, posh ham and posh cheese and think we are having a treat. I just don't think not spending a lot of money has to be a big deal.

    I couldn't give a monkey's what people think of my spending.
    Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
    Mortgages (End 2017) - £180,235.03
    (End 2021) - £131,215.25 DID IT!!!
    (End 2022) - Target £116,213.81
  • jamtart6
    jamtart6 Posts: 8,302 Forumite
    If you want to sponsor someone you could always just sponsor a couple of quid, then what I'd do is see if there is anything around the house to sell on ebay to earn the money back for yourself. I did this last year and covered 66% of the cost of xmas presents by selling old stuff on ebay. It made me feel great like I'd hardly spent a bean on presents! I'm doing it again this year for all gifts!

    You can do your bit by sponsoring but I'm sure you'll have something for £5 that you can flog on ebay to cover the cost?

    :ABeing Thrifty Gifty again this year:A

  • EXPAT_2
    EXPAT_2 Posts: 76 Forumite
    Cashback Cashier
    I could say stop living beyond your means & stop trying to be something you are obviously not, but that would not be helpful.

    Why not be truthful, if a friend of mine was in your situation I would respect them more if they were honest as opposed to living it up on money that was not theirs.

    I always knew too many people were driving around in super cars & living it up for it to be true.:confused:

    Honesy is the best policy. Good luck
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