FIL blanked me and eldest daughter

allenx

My inlaws havent spoken or been in contact with us for over 4 years. My eldest daughter and i saw him in the shop yesterday and he completely blanked us, its my hubbys birthday today so even more upsetting as he didnt even say send birthday wishes to hubby. We never had a falling out, myself and hubby havent a clue what weve done wrong. Hubby had a card from them that said we would love to see you son, nothing about seeing all of us, they know where we live and our number is still the same, they have just completely ignored us for years, i stress there was no falling out. I also saw his mum in argos 2 years back, i was with 2 of the children then, she also looked at us and walked away, she didnt even speak to the girls. Hubby gets upset about it every now and then but is more hurt than anything, he just doesnt know what hes done wrong, his main concern is our family, he says we will be a family that loves each other and we dont need them. Im very angry about the whole situation, especially after yesterday, they want nothing to do with me or the children, they arent horrible tearaways by the way, they are all doing very well. What do we do, i dont want any contact with them, they have just caused too much hurt. Before i got with him, weve been together 9 years, they were all close, his mum told me when we first got together that i was the daughter she'd always wanted, she already has a daughter that shes very close too! She is a very strong christian lady which makes this situation even worse, sorry to rant and not sure if ive made much sense but had to get it off my chest. Help!! Thanks x

anguk

It does all sound a bit strange if there hasn't been a row or falling out, have you or especially your husband tried talking to them to find out what the problem is? Also you said your father-in-law blanked you yesterday and your mother-in-law blanked you a couple of years ago, did you try to talk to them? You never know they might be sitting at home thinking that you're blanking them! If this has gone on for 4 years I think some-one has to be the bigger person and make the first move.

lilac_lady

Perhaps your husband could visit his parents on his own and ask them what's happened. The must think they have a reason for doing this. If they don't have one it may be time for your husband to let them know that he's with his own family now and they can't change his life for him now.

allenx

Thanks, when i saw her a couple of years ago, i didnt even have time to speak, she'd gone, that was the same as yesterday, by the time id realised it was him, i turned around and he was gone. i agree it is all very strange, we just havent a clue what we have done. Hubby went to see them about 3 years ago on his own to take a christmas card around, they never mentioned myself and the kids, hubby was not impressed and since then he has had enough. It was the youngests birthday last month, no card or anything. The thing i take from all of this is that i am going to be very considerate to my kids wife, hubbys, we wont let this spiral on through the generations. It is exptremely hurtful though and im just trying not to get resentful, what can you do though? x

They seem to just want him and not me or the kids, life doesnt work like that though, hes 31 with his own family, we arent talking teenage relationships x

britguy_2

well maybe he thought you'd blanked him..."by the time id realised it was him, i turned around and he was gone", so just walked off.

or maybe you're ugly and he doesn't want to be seen in public with you.

allenx

Cant be that ugly or his goregous son wouldnt be with me lol x
We are literally talking 2 seconds to when i turned around too, well, from the potatoes to the carrots, have you been to tescos lately??

poe.tuesday

it's been 4 years, did you think you drifted apart or that contact sort of suddenly stopped?

If it was me and my family/inlaws stopped contact I would be calling them to find out what the hell was going on but 4 years down the line I wouldn't be bothering

emmy05

all of you get together and go to visit or simply dont and get on with your lives, my in-laws are funny as well, but luckily its not just to me, all you can think is if they want to segregate you then let them carry on, cos your kids arnt missing what theyve never had
the saying, take me as i am or not at all fits my life perfectly sometimes, i honestly havent the time or the inclination to get friendly with someone who so clearly isnt lol

PasturesNew

It might relate back to when your OH popped round there with a Xmas card. Grandparents do expect/like to see the family/grandkids at Xmas and if all they got was him popping round with a card they could easily have been offended and it blew out of all proportion and you had no idea.

Xmas time is a time when parents expect they'll see everybody/families. And it didn't sound like you made any effort to go there for the day/whatever.

So, it could have been the Xmas thing.

pickle

You say "hubby was not impressed and since then he has had enough". I'd leave it there and wouldn't worry about it. I know you feel angry but maybe you should just regard them as not part of your life anymore if they're going to play games.

Mojisola

It does sound as if this is something that arose from a misunderstanding - they may well be wondering why you don't want anything to do with them. Surely you don't want to spend your life not knowing what's behind this? If it turns out to be just the way they are, then you will know that and can get on with your life. Otherwise it will always be in the background of both your and your children's lives.

It's the kind of situation that may be solved by a letter. You and OH will have time to think carefully about what to say so that it's neutral - no blame, no emotional words. Write it and then keep it until the next day and reread it to be sure that there's nothing upsetting in it. Be the "big people" and apologize for any upset you may have (unintentionally) caused.

The ball's in their court then to explain their behaviour.