Need partner to leave please help me & my son

desperateforhousingadvice

Hi there- I am really hoping that someone may be able to help me, I am so desperate for advice and feel so trapped I just don't know where else to turn to.
Without boring you all i'l just let you know my situation. I live with my partner and 4 month old boy in a council flat.
My partner has severe sleep apnea and depression- he is also on IB and I am on Mat leave. I have had a dreadful time with my partner since the birth of our son beacuase his depression is so bad it gets me down with his mood swings and I just can't cope with it any more. I also have to watch all the time when he has our baby so that he does not fall asleep and drop or suffocate him. I really care about my partner but things are not working out because our life was supposed to be getting better and he isn't sorting anything out that he is supposed to. He has severe debt and needs to sort out bankruptcy but hasn't, he owes my parents money and there really is so much more and i wanted him to have everything sorted for when i go back to work- he also had the opportunity to do a college course a few months ago and he hasn't. He is 40 and I am 26 and I just feel trapped like this. We have talked and he knows that he needs to leave in order for him to sort himself out and so that i dont get really depressed.
The trouble is is our council are not really helpful as they have said to him that i can't kick him out because i need to give him 28 days notice. This is a man that i once really loved and he is the father of our beautiful son but i need him to move out and i dont want him to be on the streets and i just dont know what to do. He has let me down so much, like being arrested when i went into labour for god only knows- i also know that his medical conditions are not his fault but i dont want to be a nag anymore ad i have been on at him for the past few years to get things sorted- please help me and my son

Dill

Hi d f h a

Your OH's illness is having an effect, both on him and on the immediate family. I was wondering if he has a cpn or social worker you could speak with about this. Or even a sympathetic GP? I'm just thinking if you could get some back-up from one of these, the council may be more likely to assist?

If you live in or near a town/city you may find they have a Housing Advice centre who might be able to help you (?)

I know it's not a nice thing to think of doing, especially to your partner, but what would happen if you were to actually give him 28 days notice? Would he then be able to go to the council and apply for housing on his own?

These are just a few thoughts. Hopefully someone will come along soon who will be able to advise you a bit more.
Good luck

Oldernotwiser

Surely as you're the one who's unhappy with the situation and you are healthy and have a job, wouldn't it make far more sense for you to be the one to move out?

desperateforhousingadvice

How can I move out, I don't have enough money and I work in Morrisons. I don't think my partner would be allowed to stay in a 2 bed council flat on his own either. I really dont want to be made to feel guilty anymore as ive felt that way during the end of my pregnancy and for the first few months of my son's life. If I had somewhere safe for me and my son to go then I would move

Welshlassie

Have you discussed the situation with your Health Visitor. If you all continue in the situation you are in you could end up get depressed and possibility not being able to look after your son properly. He needs to speak to his GP (do you all go to the same surgery) could you speak to his GP and explain the situation, if may help get you some help (hope that makes sense).

Does he have any friends he can stay with even if on their lounge floor, so the council will have to help him?

Voyager2002

Definitely speak to professionals such as your GP, health visitor and social worker.

As regards social housing, the council is not under any obligation to help adults without children (unless they are particularly vulnerable, for example leaving hospital). So unless your partner needs to be treated as a hospital in-patient, he will have to make his own arrangements about where to live. Fortunately it is easy to rent a spare room in someone else's home.

cobbingstones

Hi

Sorry to hear of your situation. Why not try the CAB for help or mental health websites such as SANE. Please ask for a CPN if you don't have one from your GP or an CSW (Community Support Worker) who will know all about the options in your area.

Good luck

MM

shell_girl

If the flat is in both of your names it may be possible for you to obtain an occupation order giving you and your son the legal right to remain in the property, this would mean that your partner is under legal obligation to leave. You would need to see a solicitor to get this order put in place, and it's usually considered a last resort. If you feel that there is anyway of salvaging the situation without it coming to this then follow the excellent advice already posted regarding your GP and HV. Is your partner being supported by a CPN or similar?

Diamond78

sorry to hear about what you are going through. All I can suggest is that you speak to your partner again and maybe speak to your gp too about it. He has to help himself first and that means he has to get help for his depression. I know it is hard for you but you have tried to help him. Maybe the council will help him, they would probaly put him in a hostel or b$b.Every council is different but look on your councils website. It may help also if you speak to your helth visitor like others have said. All the best-Thinkng of you

Oldernotwiser

desperateforhousingadvice wrote: »

How can I move out, I don't have enough money and I work in Morrisons. I don't think my partner would be allowed to stay in a 2 bed council flat on his own either. I really dont want to be made to feel guilty anymore as ive felt that way during the end of my pregnancy and for the first few months of my son's life. If I had somewhere safe for me and my son to go then I would move

I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty, it just seemed to me to be the easiest solution for you. Whose name is the flat in?

desperateforhousingadvice

Thank you for all of your advice. The flat is in my name and my partner understands that he needs to leave as he can't sort himself out whilst we are living together- it is also a strain on my relationship with my son and I am worrying all of the time. I can't see a way out as I don't want him to be on the streets and I hope that the council will help him as he does have a medical condition- we had to stay in a hostel before and I know that he would be ok with staying in a hostel I just dont know if he is a priority. I just think that if he leaves it will take a huge strain off me and I can get on with my life and do things like meeting other mums etc. I don't want to talk to my HV about it as she is not very nice or easy to talk to