Twins....seperating them at school help.

luvvlyjubbly

faded_flowers wrote: »

You say you were anrgy when you found out - are you sure your daughter hasn't picked up on your feelings?

I'm ALWAYS angry:rotfl:
Seriously though , no i don't think i gave that impression....i was intially angry because i wasn't informed and then after calming down , i thought maybe it would be for the best....
I'm certainally not knocking the new head, he has totally turned the school around....it failed badly in the Ofsted reports, and if it had been at all possible i would've taken the 4 that are at that school out of there...it really was a rough terrible terrible school....and in 1 year it has completely transformed and is showing great signs of potential and the dreadful bullying that existed has been almost erradicated....the kids are happy. The thing is I have made teacher aware about the hair pulling but they as much as they try, they do not have time for individual attention and of course DD won't speak up.
I can only see what Head says and take it from there.
On the hair pulling.....what can the doctors do....that is a question, not critism...i've thought about taking her but was hoping its just a phase, I noticed it about 2 months ago

bestpud

luvvlyjubbly wrote: »

I'm ALWAYS angry:rotfl:

On the hair pulling.....what can the doctors do....that is a question, not critism...i've thought about taking her but was hoping its just a phase, I noticed it about 2 months ago

I guess they can't actually do a lot. But if it carries on, she may benefit from counselling or the like later on, and it will be easier to access if it has been a longstanding problem. I hope that isn't necessary, but it won't do any harm to see your GP either iyswim? Perhaps there are other causes - I don't know.

Also, if the school refuse to take your points seriously, a note from your doctor will help.

FROSTYFRECKLE

I am a twin. When we first went to primary school we had to wear name badges (we swapped them around), we stayed in the same class. We were known by the teachers as "the Murray twins" for the first two years until they could tell us apart. The thought of being seperated and placed in different classrooms is abhorent. I would kick up a stink. Being a twin is like having a constant security blanket. Your twins have just had their security blanket ripped away!

elsien

I think it has to come down to individuals. I'm one of triplets, and because of being in small schools, we were in the same class until we were 11, and it didn't do us any favours at all. Constantly being compared to each other, especially with how well we were each doing academically made my brother withdraw into himself, and basically go on strike and not do anything. His identical twin used to swap ties and pretend to be him so he could do his work for him. We all ended up much happier in the same school but in different classes, as long as we knew each other was around at breaks etc when we needed them. The only time I kicked up a stink was when my parents looked at different schools, which I couldn't face the thought of.
I agree with the people who've been saying look at alternative strategies first, and decide whether your daughter is ready to learn to be more independent at the moment, or whether it is best to wait a little longer.

HC_2

My twin daughters were together throughout infant school but were separated in junior school (year 3 upwards, I think?). It was the school's policy and there was no discussion to be had.

I was a bit trepidatious about it, and my girls hated the thought of being separated.

They got very distressed as the beginning of term loomed, cried and begged me to change their school, said they would run away if they had to be in different classes.

I was very worried, since they felt so passionately about it. But they settled down happily within days, and have been in separate classes ever since (they're 17 now).

However, if your little ones are not settling down, it might be worth doing as some other posters have suggested, and have a word with the head. It does seem quite harsh to separate them at such a young age, especially when school is still rather new and possibly a bit scary.

Perhaps you could compromise with the head, and agree that they could be in the same class until year 3? Then you'd have plenty of time to prepare them for it.

A difficult situation, and I hope you resolve it.

deedeeliz

luvvlyjubbly wrote: »

The problem now is my daughter has started to pull all her eyelashes and eyebrows out....which i believe is to do with all this... a nervous act usually found iin older children.

I have Trichotillomania, you should do a internet search on it. It developed when I was 12 years old. I'm 24 now and unfortunately I still pull at my hair, it wont go away but you can learn to control it.

Take your daughter to the doctor and see what they can offer, maybe a psychiatrist could help her work out why her stress levels are so high and to work through her possible seperation anxiety regarding her brother?

My doctors never knew what I had, so I was offered no support. I was diagnosed after my mum watched a tv show on it

roxalana

luvvlyjubbly wrote: »

I have twins boy/girl who will 6 next month, they are in year 1.
They were together at nusery and in reception class. However last Septemeber they were seperated, no discussion and this brought a lot of tears.
My son is the dominant twin and the split didn't bother him too much. I thought I'd give it a try but now I want them back together. After the intial upset i was pleased to see my very quiet and nervous daughter to come out of her shell, she has found her voice and can stand up for herself a bit more....but she is just not happy, almost as if she fretting. She was always quiet but happy but doessn't seem very happy most of the time, whereas he would love to be in the same class but is ok either way....although teacher says he's very quiet (What my son...surely not!) so it must affect him as nursery & reception said he was a live wire!
The problem now is my daughter has started to pull all her eyelashes and eyebrows out....which i believe is to do with all this... a nervous act usually found iin older children.
School policy is to divide siblings. Can I insist they are together next year, i've just had a very brief word with the head who says he'll discuss it with me but could tell he's not in agreement.
What happens if they say no......any advice please as I'm also not great at pushing my views forward and don't want to be a pushover.
Not sure if it is relevant but I have 4 other (older)children so it's not that they are reliant on each other solely, when she comes home my daughter plays with her older sister most of the time but the twins do play and fight!!! together a lot.

Looking back at the original post, it looks like there's 2 problems. The first is that it seems odd for a school not to tell parents they separate twins (although I think there can be very good reasons for separating them or having a school policy for usually separating them).

The second is your daughter being anxious. In your original post you say your daughter came out of her shell but is now fretting. Perhaps this might be a separate issue than not being with her twin?

I'm not a twin but was a very anxious child. Perhaps ask her how she is feeling or what she is thinking about when she pulls her hair? You might have to be careful how you word it because even at a similar age I was very perceptive of what I felt was the answer a person was looking for (and it is likely she is aware you are upset about the separation).

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to help her learn how to deal with anxiety (something I didn't achieve til I was nearly 20). Obviously everyone is different but I think I would have just learned to rely on my twin to help me, which would make me more anxious when separated in other situations (& I did do this with my siblings).

beer_tins

I'm a twin (unidentical, now 31). We were put into different classes in the first year of primary school. The reason was because we were doing each other's work in areas were one was stronger. So we were heading towards being expert at some things and knowing nothing about others! We hated it at first, but it didn't take long for us to adapt and we both had pretty happy school days in seperate classes from then on. In hindsight, I'm glad they did it. Of course, that may not be the answer for every case. Best of luck.

TangledMemories_2

We had the opposite problem with my twin brothers. The school refused to separate them.
Now they are about to start Year 8 and have both decided they want to go to separate schools. At their current school, they are known simply as "the twins" or sometimes "Ather 1 and Ather 2". It's time they were treated as the two separate individuals that they are -regardless of them being identical.

Tryingtosave_2

Just like Shazrobo I have identical twin boys now aged 14, and they have been separated since Reception class at school. One is more dominant than the other but the quieter one eventually came out of his shell and they are quite happy individuals now. I think having them in separate classes also lets other people treat them as individuals and to realise that they do not come as a pair, i.e., mums would invite them both for tea even though their child was only friends with one of the boys.