Twins....seperating them at school help.

luvvlyjubbly

I have twins boy/girl who will 6 next month, they are in year 1.
They were together at nusery and in reception class. However last Septemeber they were seperated, no discussion and this brought a lot of tears.
My son is the dominant twin and the split didn't bother him too much. I thought I'd give it a try but now I want them back together. After the intial upset i was pleased to see my very quiet and nervous daughter to come out of her shell, she has found her voice and can stand up for herself a bit more....but she is just not happy, almost as if she fretting. She was always quiet but happy but doessn't seem very happy most of the time, whereas he would love to be in the same class but is ok either way....although teacher says he's very quiet (What my son...surely not!) so it must affect him as nursery & reception said he was a live wire!
The problem now is my daughter has started to pull all her eyelashes and eyebrows out....which i believe is to do with all this... a nervous act usually found iin older children.
School policy is to divide siblings. Can I insist they are together next year, i've just had a very brief word with the head who says he'll discuss it with me but could tell he's not in agreement.
What happens if they say no......any advice please as I'm also not great at pushing my views forward and don't want to be a pushover.
Not sure if it is relevant but I have 4 other (older)children so it's not that they are reliant on each other solely, when she comes home my daughter plays with her older sister most of the time but the twins do play and fight!!! together a lot.

dora37

Even though it is school policy, I think if you ask for an appointment to see the Head and explain your reasoning why you want them together in a calm and factual way, then sure he/she has to listen?

If doing this doesn't make any difference then I would suggest a letter to the Governors.

Good luck.

lanyroo

If the school policy is to split siblings there must be good reason for it. Its best that they perhaps learn now that they cannot always be together. You should spend lots of time with them and try to make them uunderstand, I know they are very young but they will have to go there own way eventually.

They can meet up in the playground at lunch time and breaks.

luvvlyjubbly wrote: »

I have twins boy/girl who will 6 next month, they are in year 1.
They were together at nusery and in reception class. However last Septemeber they were seperated, no discussion and this brought a lot of tears.
My son is the dominant twin and the split didn't bother him too much. I thought I'd give it a try but now I want them back together. After the intial upset i was pleased to see my very quiet and nervous daughter to come out of her shell, she has found her voice and can stand up for herself a bit more....but she is just not happy, almost as if she fretting. She was always quiet but happy but doessn't seem very happy most of the time, whereas he would love to be in the same class but is ok either way....although teacher says he's very quiet (What my son...surely not!) so it must affect him as nursery & reception said he was a live wire!
The problem now is my daughter has started to pull all her eyelashes and eyebrows out....which i believe is to do with all this... a nervous act usually found iin older children.
School policy is to divide siblings. Can I insist they are together next year, i've just had a very brief word with the head who says he'll discuss it with me but could tell he's not in agreement.
What happens if they say no......any advice please as I'm also not great at pushing my views forward and don't want to be a pushover.
Not sure if it is relevant but I have 4 other (older)children so it's not that they are reliant on each other solely, when she comes home my daughter plays with her older sister most of the time but the twins do play and fight!!! together a lot.

pulliptears

I am alone in thinking that's terrible? They have been together since conception, obviously function together much better yet the school splits them up?

They are only 5, how are they meant to understand that? and from experience a lot 5 year old girls do tend to be quite reserved and quiet until they get a little older.

I just dont see what the school is hoping to achieve here, especially when your daughter is clearly traumatised.

DigitalJedi

pulliptears wrote: »

I just dont see what the school is hoping to achieve here, especially when your daughter is clearly traumatised.

I'd have thought the aim is to ensure they can function alone, they clearly can function together.

pulliptears

DigitalJedi wrote: »

I'd have thought the aim is to ensure they can function alone, they clearly can function together.

They have the rest of their lives to function alone, at 5 the priority should be healthy happy children.

I have never known a school take this stance.

brightonman123

perhaps its intended to avoid any 'terrible twins' ganging up on other single folks.. (go on- double dare you, etc..)

laurad85

pulliptears wrote: »

I am alone in thinking that's terrible?

i understand why you say that but it is not always a bad thing in all instances. my mum had 2 sets of twins and both sets were split up when they went to school. they loved being individuals rather than a twin and thrived in different classes. they all got more confident and didnt rely on each other. i now have a twin niece and nephew who have just been split up in school for the first time (have just moved schools) and they too are enjoying being their own seperate person. we were worried about them making new friends but they have found their own feet and are loving it.

to the o.p if your daughter is really finding it hard maybe being back with her brother would help. however there might come a time when he doesnt want his sister hanging around him and just wants 'his' friends. hope you sort it soon x

shazrobo

i have identical twins, mine were split up in year 1 and obviously caused some distress to them, but they gained their independance and their own circle of friends and now they would not want to be in same class, to be honest now they are at seperate schools, they are no longer even compared to each other

ruby6kids

my unidentical twin girls have always been in the same classes at school, they are now 7 and will be in juniors (year 3) in september.
another set of unidentical twin girls in their school year were separated, when i asked the teacher why this was - she explained that one of the twins dominated the other in school and it was to give them both independence.
fortunately my twins are entirely loving towards each other but have different personalities and even have different sets of friends.

after reading your post, i am worried about them incase they are separated in juniors, as i know they would hate it if it happened.

fabwitch_2

I feel you need to speak again with the School and possibly your GP rearding this matter. Your daughter is clearly very sressed and appears to be developing Trachotillomania which is caused by stress. Your daughter needs reassurance and help to deal with her anxiety and clearly the School is not helping her at the moment by adding to her stress. I wish you all the best and if you need any further help please pm me as my daughter also suffers from Trachotillomania and I know how istressing ths can be not only for the child but the family too.