what a mess- has anyone got any advice?

dementedhousewife

multi_millions wrote: »

your going lose your house your going to lose your house.. id got cardboard boxes galore for you to live in.. isnt life great get a job scum bags

Wow this idiot is a real D***
Nothing like being helpful is there..
I guess he/she is bored... nothing else better to do with their so called Millions lol...

kazwookie

yes I went along with this, as it was too much hassle asking him for money every month, he never "got around" to giving me any money for general housekeeping stuff.

Harsh as it seems, I suggest you stop feeding him, doing his washing etc etc, and make him relise he has to contribute to house hold stuff.

Little_Miss_Winner

I thought that him having to go onto a DMP (he owes around 50k himself) would convince him that he couldnt continue spending. A lot of his debt was accrued from doing up our house so technically he has contributed to the "equity" and also through his labour on the house! It was a wreck when we bought it and he has slogged and slogged.

Hi Calcualatethis,

I didnt realise from your original post, that his dmp was for such a large amount. This is probably the reason then, why he cant contribute a lot at the mo, escpecially with no work.

How much does he pay to his dmp each month?

I'm sure you will both be able to get through this somehow. Many others here as you can read have had very large debts, and they are tackling them head on, and doing fantastic jobs, in getting them all paid off.

I would think one of the keys things in your situation at the moment, would be *communication* You will need to comminicate tons with your Husband, and also keep coming back on here, for loads of motivation and support.

I am sure you will be able to put a plan of action into place! But it needs to be done sooner, rather than later.

Hugs for now.

poppyg_2

Yes there's a lot of work to be done but it's not inevitable that they will lose their home at all Mitchaa, I disagree. If this carries on they will but it's not too late to do something about it at the moment, I think the OP has found this site at a crucial moment. I also doing this joint accounts are a must (me and my OH keep our finances apart from the mortgage/bills separate and this isn't a problem at all)

OP - How much is your OH paying for his DMP each month? I don't understand how he can have spare cash to fritter away unless you're giving him money to do that if he's paying onto a DMP as usually they insist on a pretty tight budget for everything.

The debts you have run up - are these in your name only? Could you contact whoever your OH has a DMP with (one of the debt charities I assume) and see about a joint DMP taking into consideration the whole £120,000????

Perhaps he is depressed and he's kidding himself that everything is ok. The alternative is that he just hasn't learnt from his own mistakes in relation to debt and this obviously needs addressing urgently

chevalier

Hi ct

Have you had a chance to chat with OH about this situation. I hope that the advice we gave yesterday was not too painful.

Looking forward to hearing how you are doing
chev

kimlisa66

Hate to be blunt, but, your OH sounds like a complete waste of space. He is a millstone around your neck and if he were mine, I would have kicked him into touch years ago.

My ex and I separated in October after 21 years of marriage, and I now realise what a drain he was on our finances. He earnt good money, but most of it went on socialising with his mates, gambling and cars. I had to take control and I'm glad I did. I'm massively better off now and it was the best thing that could have happened although it was horrendous at the time as he was having a fling with his best mates wife.

My point is, if he doesn't want to change, you aren't going to be able to make him.

You sound like a hard working, committed and level headed lady, you deserve better.

Good luck in your endeavours.

Kim

Tustastic

Hi calculatethis, well done for posting here.
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Read the insurance articles on the main site for ideas and links.
You can usually get good cashback for taking out financial products through www.quidco.com.
Good luck and keep posting.:)

laineyc_2

Hi calculatethis. Is it possible for your husband to do tutoring to bring in some extra cash?

pavlovs_dog

hi calcuate this, and welcome to the boards :wave:

there is always a way out of the mess - if you're prepared to do the graft you neednt loose your home or your partner over it. you need to sit down, put the cards on the table and talk to each other. no more head in the sand, no more resentment over who is paying what.

you need to make the most of every penny you have coming in. i would suggest doing a combined SOA of both your incomes, outgoings and debts. he has a family to support - if you dont have the money then he cant keep buying the odd bar of chocolate or bottle of wine here and there.

it might be an idea for you to consider having both your wages paid into a joint account. all your bills and debts are paid from that account. all forseeable expenses are budgeted for. with whatever is left over, you pay yourselves pocket money to your own individual accounts. if he wants to spend it on chocolate and wine, and you on handbags and shoes, thats your business. but once its gone, there's no more til next 'pay day'

i would also say that he needs to be bringing in extra income. occasional supply work is not enough to support your family with your current level of debts. whether he tutors, gets a maternity cover post, seasonal work, shelf shacking at tesco - whatever it be - he cannot continue waiting for the phone to ring with the offer of work. he's going to have to be a bit more proactive.

brownbabygirl

mitchaa wrote: »

Apologies if this sounds rude or harsh, but your husband has been extremely selfish.

He should be out working every hour god sends to make matters better.

With £120k debt, i really think you need to think about going down the BR route.You shouldn't classify it as single debts, yours £70k, his £50k, you're a married couple and it should be dealt with jointly. Joint bank accounts a must.

He is going to get a very big shock as there's no doubt about it, with that much debt you will lose your home. Its inevitable and its maybe time to realise this.

He seems to be financially dependant on you, if you're thinking about finishing with him already,then i'd say and if if i were you....On your bike.

I know this probably doesn't help much, but your husband is the kind of guy that angers me. (Im a guy by the way)

You are on a good salary, get rid of him, clean break and start to enjoy life without all this mess. You only live once remember, you are clearly unhappy. Im sure you will be better off without him.

thank you! i am also sick of especially men who do not pull their weight. i hear it all the time. and i very nearly ended up with the same type as a husband. that was a lucky escape!