what a mess- has anyone got any advice?

Bismarck

funny that...

"its his dream house," really got to me too!


thanks Chev for saving me the rant about smelling the coffee etc...it's no good sitting there like a chocolate teapot when the bailliffs come.....carpe diem!

Little_Miss_Winner

Debt amount interest payment
Northern Rock (unsecured) 18366 10% 187
Egg Loan 6300 6.9% 188
Barclays Visa 5800 7% 135
CITI Bank 4900 5% 101
halifax 5100 5% 99
RBS 5750 5% 105
egg credit card 7100 18% 130
barclays mastercard 4840 18% 105
mbna 6000 22% 130
bank of ireland CC 2000 17% 55
total 70974 1309

^^ These outstanding balances and payment per month when fed into the snowball cal, will take you 68 months....and you will have additionally paid £22,291 in interest :eek::eek::eek:

So;-

yes I went along with this, as it was too much hassle asking him for money every month, he never "got around" to giving me any money for general housekeeping stuff.

and

There is approximately 30k of equity in the house, if we could sell it. He would never agree to this, its his dream house, its a little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Unless he has got £93k sitting around somewhere, then he may have little choice.

Hugs

churchrat

hi
we had a £61k debt 6yrs ago and its nearly all gone now, so it can be done. BUT, afraid I have to agree with everyone else and say that your husband really must grow up. A couple of questions
is the house in both names?
is the mortgage in both names?
how much does your husband owe? or do you not know?
My advice is to contact cccs or payplan, but your husband really needs to be with you on this, or it can't be done. Even if he does not help, he should at least agree not to undermine your efforts.
I know it is a really hard time right now, but your priority has to be your child, and not your husband.
good luck, and keep in touch

calculatethis

Thanks Folks, Its so nice to get moral support. For the past 3 months I have been thinking about splitting up with him over this.

I know I cant "force" him to have some sort of lightbulb moment. I thought that him having to go onto a DMP (he owes around 50k himself) would convince him that he couldnt continue spending. A lot of his debt was accrued from doing up our house so technically he has contributed to the "equity" and also through his labour on the house! It was a wreck when we bought it and he has slogged and slogged.

churchrat

hello again
if you owe £70k and he owes £50k then that must be £120k (I was always good at math:rolleyes:)
I know that you run seperate finances, but you live together and can only really tackle this together. This is a large amount of debt on your income, and even when your husband finds work it is going to take a while to pay back. You said that you have thought about leaving him because of this-- does he know that? is he aware of how badly you are feeling?
the trouble with debt is that it brings into focus all those problems in our lives that we can forget about as long as everything is going smoothly, and can force us to take actions we would rather not have to think about.
Does any one else know about your problems and can help you? when we first started to tackle our debt I didn't tell anyone, even now its really hard for me to talk about. I couldn't sleep, had all the stress symptons etc and really wish that i had known about the debt charities back then because they can be such a big help. You have to look after yourself because you seem to be the only grown-up in you household at the moment.
take care

Seaxwyn

hi calculatethis - just wanted to say hello and send big sympathy as your situation is very close to my own, as it was 18 months ago.

I kept the family going for years while my OH barely worked, and spent any money he did get on his hobbies and treats. Try as I might I could never get him to have a proper lightbulb moment.

But I'm glad to report that things have changed and my OH is now much more on board. The change happened not because of my nagging, but because he did eventually start getting more work. Once he did have some more or less reliable income, he became more responsible about how he spent it.

I know the feeling of almost splitting up over money. I hope it doesn't come to that for you. Definitely, from the figures you posted, you need more income, and it looks as if your OH has plenty of scope to earn more.

Good luck and keep posting, you will get lots of moral support and practical advice on here.

chevalier

It might be interesting to see what your OH would say if he saw the consensus of opinion on his behaviour, from people who are all over the country and are complete strangers in real life....

I really hope you can pull together on this
chev

Bismarck

could always print off the thread and make him read it.....

should put him off his supper and save a few quid.

Bismarck

Just thinking about this again, is your OH not depressed with everything? Does he need to see someone as I don't see how he can be in this position and feel everything's OK.

If you'd rather not answer then that's fine but I can't help feeling that a lot of people have been there and felt the depths of where you must be as individuals and as a couple. It's easy to have a say on here but I wonder if your OH is just bottling it all up inside and really needs some help...

mitchaa

Apologies if this sounds rude or harsh, but your husband has been extremely selfish.

He should be out working every hour god sends to make matters better.

With £120k debt, i really think you need to think about going down the BR route.You shouldn't classify it as single debts, yours £70k, his £50k, you're a married couple and it should be dealt with jointly. Joint bank accounts a must.

He is going to get a very big shock as there's no doubt about it, with that much debt you will lose your home. Its inevitable and its maybe time to realise this.

He seems to be financially dependant on you, if you're thinking about finishing with him already,then i'd say and if if i were you....On your bike.

I know this probably doesn't help much, but your husband is the kind of guy that angers me. (Im a guy by the way)

You are on a good salary, get rid of him, clean break and start to enjoy life without all this mess. You only live once remember, you are clearly unhappy. Im sure you will be better off without him.