what a mess- has anyone got any advice?

calculatethis

Thanks folks, I will definately cut out the school lunches. The after school club is more difficult, fortunately we wont be having to pay this throughout the summer but I need to keep her in the club just in case my OH gets a phone call in the morning for supply work.

a spending diary is also a great IDEA! I hadnt thought of that.

My other problem is my OH. Even though he is on a DMP he has his head stuck in the sand when it comes to debt. I can't control his spending- he fritters away money and when I tell him off he just says Im nagging him. So this is really getting me down too. I can see it is difficult for him to change his ways, to the average person buying a cheap bottle of wine or chocolate bar is nothing, but I now think twice before I do so, but he thinks that this is going too far and I can see his point, its harldy a major extravagence, but we can't afford it. So we end up arguing, I never realised we would have had such different attitudes towards money, when it came to the crunch.

Bismarck

Hi,

well done for posting...your offers have probably dried up if you're getting close to your limits...the providers seem to sense this and close the doors when you need them open!

You need to start selling your other half's stuff on ebay or Amazon....

"see this special CD of yours...it's worth a bottle of milk and box of cereal..."

every little thing is an extravagance when the money's got to be borrowed, whether its directly or indirectly.......

It's really hard if you're going without and he's blowing it from the other side....

make him read these posts....it would do him the world of good....

tallyhoh

So what if you are nagging him???????, you have a child to feed, clothe & house. He is an adult that can go & do as he pleases. Its especially annoying when you are the main breadwinner.

I dont think that you can carry on like this unless OH gets a f/t job. Its worth thinking of calling one of the debt charities now. They may be able to help getting interest payments stopped or reduced.

boredofbeingathome

calculatethis wrote: »

Thanks folks, I will definately cut out the school lunches. The after school club is more difficult, fortunately we wont be having to pay this throughout the summer but I need to keep her in the club just in case my OH gets a phone call in the morning for supply work.

a spending diary is also a great IDEA! I hadnt thought of that.

My other problem is my OH. Even though he is on a DMP he has his head stuck in the sand when it comes to debt. I can't control his spending- he fritters away money and when I tell him off he just says Im nagging him. So this is really getting me down too. I can see it is difficult for him to change his ways, to the average person buying a cheap bottle of wine or chocolate bar is nothing, but I now think twice before I do so, but he thinks that this is going too far and I can see his point, its harldy a major extravagence, but we can't afford it. So we end up arguing, I never realised we would have had such different attitudes towards money, when it came to the crunch.

Hi CT, and welcome to the boards. You will find that a lot of folk have a similar problem to yourself, and most of us think twice berfore buying anything. I now crease myself up over the essential maintenance stuff around the house. if it isn't done then it could be worse.

My motto is now that yes we have different atitudes to money, but i carry on in my way and he pays the consequences for his..if that makes sense. I can empathise about the different attitudes to money. I have been married for a long time, and should have realised it will never change.

It is the little things as other posters have said which will make a difference. I am a supply teacher as well, so can also understand the frustation he must be feeling, but i am also a bit choosy about jobs as i am sick of the attitudes to behaviour of some schools.
I am putting in applications left right and centre to get a permanent position togetaway from that.
Perhaps your OH could do this. lots of other work available for marking, private tuition etc.explore those avenues as well, and exam invigilation..not very well paid in comparison to a days supply but it is better than nothing and he will be building up school contacts.
Best of luck BOB xx

mitchaa

How much equity do you have in your home?

I personally can't see any way on how you are going to pay back £70k+ worth of unsecured debt without going down the IVA/BR route and probably losing your house in the process.

I'm surprised you seem to be running financially independant from your husband?Is £70k just the total for your own debt?

WorkingHardDFW

I know how you feel calculatethis. Buying a choccy bar or wine doesn't cost much but when you have very little the little things can make such a difference. Spending those few pennies on a Friday night might seem OK but when you need to buy some essentials on a Monday morning and you've no money it does matter!!

Our LBM came on very slowly and I think that it probably took us six months to realise what our bad habbits were that had caused us to have a massive £52k of debt at the start of our journey. Its been such a learning journey, sounds corny I know, but each step is generally a step forward.

My words of advice;

• Spending diary
• Budget for everything and continually review the budget
• Try if possible to up your income - sounded like boredofbeingathome has some good ideas for your OH but is there scope for you to earn extra?
• Reduce your outgoings as much as possible

calculatethis

thanks everyone. Some great ideas.

I know it seems odd that we are not financially connected but we have always had seperate bank accounts etc. This is what has caused some of the problems as I have always been the "sensible" one (well, not so sensible to get into 70k of debt I know,but this is partially because I have been supporting the whole family) who pays all the household stuff and his wages go on the fun stuff for him, yes I went along with this, as it was too much hassle asking him for money every month, he never "got around" to giving me any money for general housekeeping stuff. I let him get away with this for years and never challenged him and now I am he doesnt like it! I was absolutely crazy to let this happen but the longer it went on the harder it has been to get him to see that he should be contributing to the house.

I think he just thinks I magic money out of nowhere.

There is approximately 30k of equity in the house, if we could sell it. He would never agree to this, its his dream house, its a little cottage in the middle of nowhere.

WorkingHardDFW

Is there any way that some of his income could go towards your shortfall each month?

chevalier

If the house is 'his dream house in the middle of nowhere' then he better dang well start fighting to save it. Because if he doesn't wake up and smell the coffee NOW then bankrutpcy and losing the house may be the ONLY way to go. AND it may not be your decision either.

So his priority should be to get a full time post for this September. If he can't get supply work then he needs to get ANY job in the meantime to tide you over the summer. If your cards are nearly at their limits then there is going to come a time soon (which you have realised and he hasn't from the sounds of it), when the credit cards start getting turned down, or they start putting the interest rates up or BOTH.

If he isn't working, then he can be
ebaying
putting books on amazon
signing up for survey sites and doing click throughs
entering free competitions to try and win things to sell
doing car boots
signing on?

And what money he doesn't need for his DMP ABSOLUTELY NEEDS to be going into the family pot, whether the spare is £10 or £100. Otherwise this situation is never going to get better. And if complains remind him that the debt may be in your name but that you BOTH benefitted from the food, petrol, clothes etc etc that the debt for, so you are both responsible for paying it back

He is NOT a child he needs to be a responsible adult.
Sorry for the rant but it really winds me up when people (both sexes) are on the deck of the sinking ship, and can only think to have another lunch rather than start bailing.

chev

onedayiwill

Mr OneDay and I have separate bank accounts - we always have. I got into debt through spending money on "stuff" - the old story of being depressed, buying something nice to make you feel better, being more depressed. I have since tackled the debt on my own - it was my debt and I did not want him to suffer because of my stupidity. He has helped a lot by providing me with "carrots" to keep me going. Usually just small things, but this weekend we are going to Skye. And of course the big carrot is moving to Costa Rica. It keeps me motivated.

Your situation is different. You have run up this debt because you had to support your family while he enjoyed himself. This is HIS family too. Therefore the debt is joint (maybe not legally but certainly most folk here will see it as such) and HE should therefore help to deal with it.

You live in his dream house. Tell him the situation is that you cannot afford to live there anymore (which you can't) and that unless he helps by getting a full time job (any job) and contributing to the household he will lose his dream house. Maybe that'll make him realise the seriousness of your JOINT situation and motivate him. The carrot - he might get to keep his dream house.