Feeling like it's all a bit too much

haylibo

scruffy96uk said it perfectly. Pursue the matter of your bonus - do you have an HR dept? Are you in the head office or a regional one?
The main thing is not to get too tired that you tip the balance. If your glands are swelling then that's your immune system shouting at you. Not medical advice but try and get enough fruit and vegies and watch yourself. As SantasHelper says, it's easy for stress to catch up on you.

KittyKate

Thanks so much for all your advice. After a night's sleep I feel better but I dread seeing my boss today.

My company doesn't recognise unions, and we don't have a local HR dept - the head office has one but they resent travelling so much that they're rotten to you when they arrive!

I have a folder full of proof that my statistics are wrong, proving my boss never updates the rota (which means I get pulled up for not doing work I wasn't even in work to do!), proving my work output is higher than colleagues who were given much higher bonuses than me (her 'favourites'), proving that I've had only two one on one meetings (rather than the required 12), in the last year. When I showed it to her boss she said I was 'getting to 'het up' about the facts, which can be changed'. I thought the very idea of facts was that they were supposed to be factual!?

I hate my boss, and her boss, and they are horrible not just to me but my colleagues too. My colleagues are too scared to complain in case they get one of my boss' moods, or silent treatments (I'm on a silent treatment at the moment as is the person sitting next to me for daring to move to another department to get away from her).

Worse still, my fiance works under her (he's my supervisor, but we don't work side by side or anything!) and she farms off ALL her work onto him - it leaves him really stressed, but again, if he raises it with her boss, he's told 'well just don't do it' (not something you can do when the boss is the one holding the purse strings).

My boss is terribly jealous for petty stupid reasons, like, her car is falling to bits, me and OH bought a new one, and when she saw it, she said 'oh, look how dirty it is' in a sneering way (we'd driven it through a field!)

gigglebunny

I cant give you much advice on this, but I hope things go ok

As for your wedding,hopefully he wont mind holding for a bit until you're feeling better, how could you enjoy your big day if ur so stressed about other things?

I had a b*tch of a boss, she would give me the most horrible looks when I walked into work, purely because I was younger (I was 17 then, I'm 18 now) and I wore nice clothes, that looked good and she didn't. I was on a 3month probation period when I started, and she extended it for 4 month because I'd apparently "had unauthorised fag breaks, didn't wear appropriate clothing and spent too much time talking to people instead of doing my job" None of this was true, I had my 51mins lunch split so I could have 10mins in the morning, 21 mins lunch and 10 mins in the afternoon, which we were allowed. I wore the correct clothing, smart/casual, I didn't wear jeans, I didnt wear T-shirts I didnt wear trainers, I wore pretty skirts and dresses and fitted trousers.

I ended up leaving as they decided to cancel a holiday of mine when I asked for a different holiday to be cancelled and wouldnt give me it back. Maybe I should of fought them, gone to HR or something, but being 17, they seemed to not care too much about me as they did the other employees

Sorry for rambling, but good luck big HUGSS and hope you are ok xx

floss2

If you can stand the stress of it, then I would consider raising a formal grievance with HR about the bullying and the incorrect statistics on which your bonus was based. However, you may find that stage 1 is to raise it with your boss.

I would check your Grievance policy, and also check out any anti-bullying procedures, then speak to HR.

:grouphug:

Floss xx
P.S. I went through much the same when my mum was ill - I ended up leaving & am still waiting for a reply to my request for an internal move over 4 years later!

samj_2

Hi sorry to hear whats been happening to you.
I can tell you though if I get low or get a cold I always get a lump in my neck which gets bigger. This was fifteen years ago when I went to the doctors with it and he said it was just a gland.
Hope this helps.

charmed-imsure

I wrote a poem once when my best friend was at his lowest. His wife had died, his beloved cat followed shortly after, business was at an all time low & I'd never seen him so upset with everything around him... Hope this isn't too soppy but here's what I wrote for him... I called it "Nothings Ever As Bad As It Seems"...


There must always be a balance
Between the good things and the bad
There'll always be a hindrance somewhere
That'll make you feel torn or sad

Sometimes I know it's hard to believe
That things happen for the best
When bad things happen, they're hard to conceive
And at that time others' seem blessed

But trust that life will bring you joy
Believe in your hopes and dreams
Because nothing's an impossible ploy
Nothing's ever as bad as it seems

Whenever you need a 'pick me up'
Just call on your closest friends
Because they'll be there to give you love
They'll be there until the end



The point of this was to say that things will get better & it's good to talk it out. Sorry for all your troubles & your boss should be feeling quite disgusted with herself now... As far as I know Employers have a duty to look after you mentally & physically so while you're down, your workload should be lightened..

It will get better, good luck with everything and congratulations on the proposal
:-)

Dill

Looking for a new job in a different company is a good idea (you say it’s a huge company you work for, so I’m guessing they’re the major employer where you are?) but it sounds like you need to have a bit of time off first. I was in a similar position to you a few years ago, and now I think that no job is worth making yourself ill for.

As a short term solution, is it possible for you to either take a holiday, or your GP may be able to sign you off sick for a couple of weeks, as the situation is clearly impacting on your health. Your ghastly boss may not take kindly to this, but it’ll at least give you a bit of a break from things!

Re. the boss, I’m just wondering, if perhaps there’s a possibility she might leave sooner or later? Especially if she’s not all that competent.. It’s a shame if the job itself is ok and it’s just this one person who’s making everyone’s lives a misery?
Where I worked (also a huge well-known company) there was quite a high turnover of staff, and managers generally didn’t stay for long in the same job, - one particularly bad manager, eventually got ‘promoted’ to somewhere else :rolleyes:

Good luck with things.

pippamannequin

Just wanted to say hope you're ok dealing with everything and my thoughts are with you, both my parents were terminally ill and passed away within a short time of each other when I was a teenager, long time ago now but i never forget the stress it causes, the worry and the overall affect it has on your everyday life.
Just sending my love and thoughts at such a tough time. xx

softwaremad

re your boss - join a union it doesnt matter that your place of work dont recognise it you can still join & they cant unish you for it. also a union rep will speak for you (takes a lot of the strain off of you)

re your wedding - if it bugs you that much as the seating plan is the worst bit go abroad get maried and come back and have one huge party for everyone (so much less pressure)

remember to enjoy life and planning your wedding should be fun anyone causes hassle tell them to buckle up or theyll be sitting in the yard of the venue with their meal! lifes too short for all the crap that comes with families & seating arrangements

orlao

Poor you......

But AFAIK stress is an illness and can be classified as an industrial injury in some circumstances. You would have to look into that though. As someone else said ACAS can be very useful in these circumstances. Personally I've always found that doung something(anything!!!!) makes me feel better even if it doesn't make much of a difference as I don't feel so powerless and such a victim.

Maybe getting signed off sick with stress would be a good idea for two reasons
1) it gives you some "evidence" if you decide to take it further with your bosses
2) You get a break and a chance to get over a really tough 6 months:D

If you don't want to delay your wedding (which is understandable) could you have a chat with your parents about their behaviour, in the nicest possible way? Maybe they don't realise how upsetting it is. Can you get other people involved in helping with the organising maybe as an early wedding present? Most people are happy to help, they don't want to seem pushy sowait to be asked IFYSWIM

Finally ( I'll shut up now:D ) your bosses behaviour about things like the new car is HER problem and lack of manners not YOURS so ignore it. While she's not speaking to you think of it as a bit of peace and quiet.....but I'd make a huge point of speaking to her in front of other people just to make her uncomfortable/ look like a prat.....take your pick;) Bullies only pick on people if they think they can get away with it......make sure they don't know that you're bothered. Then get her.....one way or another:rotfl: :rotfl: