Feeling like it's all a bit too much

KittyKate

Hi all, well, where do I start?

I am having a really tough time right now, and it's all getting to a head now as it's affecting my health.

Seven months ago my mum was diagnosed with cancer, she's had the mastectomy, chemo, radio and is out the other side now (and will remain clear fingers crossed). My dad had a stroke six months ago which has left him disabled (speech & mobility problems, but he is able to live independently), and what with spending literally every day in the hospital for weeks on end, in a different city (using public transport), I lost 2 stones in weight (going from a 'normal' size 12-14 at 5 foot 10 to a size 10 - in a month).

Recently, after coming through all this, I find a lump on my neck. I've been to the doc who's taken blood tests and thinks it's an inflamed lymph node (but because of my mum they have to be sure). Dr thinks it's a virus I've been too stressed to shake off.

Added to this, my f*cking b*tch of a boss has dropped my rating in my yearly appraisal (which means a bonus drop of hundreds of pounds, which I need!) because I 'wasn't concentrating on my job in November' (I was only in for a week, the rest was compassionate leave!!!). She gave me some 'statistics' taken during that week to 'prove' how bad my work was.

Well, I looked into these so-called facts and found she'd worked out the percentage wrong (she's a rubbish boss). I made a complaint to her boss, who is her best friend :rolleyes: so instead of an apology I was hauled into a room and told 'yes there was a slight (slight!?) mistake on your appraisal but we will not be changing your bonus, keep your head in your job' and something which really upset me - 'I don't BUY that stress would affect your job' (it did then and it does now). (There isn't anyone higher, barring an exec, who just would not care, that I can complain to). My boss sneered at me and hasn't spoken to me for a week, barring throwing extra work at me. This is a HUGE well known company - just goes to show they can treat you how they want if you can't prove it.

I have applied for another job but I feel so ill (tired all the time) and stressed I am on the edge of being able to cope. My wonderful, supportive boyfriend proposed in March and the wedding planning is a bit much right now - parents squabbling over seating (they're divorced), money worries, health concerns.

I just feel like life has taken an almighty sh*t on me and I am getting really sick and tired of picking up the pieces and I feel guilty that I'm not the attentive, happy fiance I know my fiance would prefer (and deserves).

scruffy96uk

I can't really give any good advice but i can give you one almighty

(((((((HUG)))))))

MoneySavingStudent_2

Hi all, well, where do I start?
Hello nice to meet you!
I am having a really tough time right now, and it's all getting to a head now as it's affecting my health.

Seven months ago my mum was diagnosed with cancer, she's had the mastectomy, chemo, radio and is out the other side now (and will remain clear fingers crossed).
*Hurray for your mum! What a strong lady! Thats Brilliant! :T

My dad had a stroke six months ago which has left him disabled (speech & mobility problems, but he is able to live independently),
*Well done to him for keeping strong!*

and what with spending literally every day in the hospital for weeks on end, in a different city (using public transport), I lost 2 stones in weight (going from a 'normal' size 12-14 at 5 foot 10 to a size 10 - in a month).
*This happened to me, i went from 8 stone to 7 stone in a month. The doctor thought i had an eatting disorder?! lol Mine was due to stress too! Youll get yourself back on track again soon*

Recently, after coming through all this, I find a lump on my neck. I've been to the doc who's taken blood tests and thinks it's an inflamed lymph node (but because of my mum they have to be sure). Dr thinks it's a virus I've been too stressed to shake off.
*Stress does alot of things to your body that you dont realise at the time. Make sure you do go with what the doctor says and keep strong with whatever it is. Its proberbly nothing and the doctor said 'thinks its a virus' which you couldnt shake off. So it wont be serious*

Added to this, my f*cking b*tch of a boss has dropped my rating in my yearly appraisal (which means a bonus drop of hundreds of pounds, which I need!) because I 'wasn't concentrating on my job in November' (I was only in for a week, the rest was compassionate leave!!!). She gave me some 'statistics' taken during that week to 'prove' how bad my work was.
*Your boss is a b!itch and she should be more understanding. Surely there is a higher power you can go to and complain to? or maybe a union?*

Well, I looked into these so-called facts and found she'd worked out the percentage wrong (she's a rubbish boss). I made a complaint to her boss, who is her best friend :rolleyes: so instead of an apology I was hauled into a room and told 'yes there was a slight (slight!?) mistake on your appraisal but we will not be changing your bonus, keep your head in your job' and something which really upset me - 'I don't BUY that stress would affect your job' (it did then and it does now). (There isn't anyone higher, barring an exec, who just would not care, that I can complain to). My boss sneered at me and hasn't spoken to me for a week, barring throwing extra work at me. This is a HUGE well known company - just goes to show they can treat you how they want if you can't prove it.
*Stress DOES affect the way you are in general and does affect the way you work. I was off university for the first month due to stress and actually thought about giving up all together due to being tired all the time and just generally lacking in energy in everything i did. Now ive got over it, and ive finished my first year! Youll get a brilliant new job and youll be a lot happier. The boss is a cow and doesnt deserve you and if she cant understand your what your going through in your personal life then she doesnt deserve to be a boss*

I have applied for another job but I feel so ill (tired all the time) and stressed I am on the edge of being able to cope. My wonderful, supportive boyfriend proposed in March and the wedding planning is a bit much right now - parents squabbling over seating (they're divorced), money worries, health concerns.
*Congratulations on the proposal! :T :j Your wedding plans dont have to be sorted straight away. Take as much time as YOU need. And consult a couple of the forum on here to help, youll find the planning not as stressful and alot more enjoyable if you just take your time and do it step by step! Parents will sit where you tell them to sit. My parents are divorced but theyll sit where i tell them or they wont come! Full stop! :rotfl: Its YOUR wedding not theres and they should understand that!*

I just feel like life has taken an almighty sh*t on me and I am getting really sick and tired of picking up the pieces and I feel guilty that I'm not the attentive, happy fiance I know my fiance would prefer (and deserves).
*Your fiance proposed to you when you were stressed and will love you even when your down. Dont feel guilty about being down/stressed everyone will get it at some point in their lifes including your fiance. He should love and support you. He will understand about the wedding and you dont even have to get married straight away. Keep smiling, grit your teeth and just !!!!!! on the almighty back again! Just take things life throws at you because it sounds like your on for a lottery win or something as your now due for some good karma! lol*



AND lastly... >Hugs!!< I know stress can be horrible but you sound like youve been very strong for the past few months. Just keep your chin up and keep going, youve done so well so far, dont stop now! Your a strong lady xXx

Diamond78

Sorry to hear what you are going through. You have had a very tough time. You have been under a lot of pressure and your boss is well out of order. I think you should look for a new job, maybe doing less hours would be better for you, just so you can build yourself up strong again.
Im so glad your mum is better and your dad too.And its only natural for your wedding to stress you out slightly. Treat yourself and enjoy some me time.
All the best and hugs xx

Mado

MoneySavingStudent wrote: »

Hi all, well, where do I start?
Hello nice to meet you!
I*Congratulations on the proposal! :T :j Your wedding plans dont have to be sorted straight away. Take as much time as YOU need.
AND lastly... >Hugs!!< I know stress can be horrible but you sound like youve been very strong for the past few months. Just keep your chin up and keep going, youve done so well so far, dont stop now! Your a strong lady xXx

What she said....:D
Chin up.
The great thing about touching the bottom is that if you kick against it you bounce back up faster.:cool:
All the best.

cupid_s

Sorry you're feeling like this. Forget the wedding planning right now and concentrate on finding a new job, or just relaxing a bit.
Now your mom and dad are better, and when you get over the virus, things will look better.

andyrules

Hi ((Kittykate))

Are you in a union? I wondered as you haven't mentioned it, but with everything going on around you maybe you have forgotten?

if not, I recommend you contact ACAS to find out your rights as your boss may be out of order here.

santashelper_2

take some time to take stock check with ACAS your rights, try and deal with one thing at a time without taking to much on can you wait a bit longer for any further plans i wonder, it will be worth it eventually.

Basically i have been through a tough time lots of traumas and problems at work taken advantage of and like you had problems when it came to my appraisal regarding pay rise basically i was to loyal and took on a higher role for the payment of a grade below this in hope i would get rewarded at my appraisal only to be told they could not afford to give me a pay rise.

I ended up having a nervous breakdown and believe this is caused by a build up of traumas and a lot of negative events happening in a short period of time.

Take some time to pamper yourself and readdress the balance it is important to value our health i have been unwell for 5 years now and unable to work because of this i am on the mend but in hindsight wish someone could have given me this advice when i needed it.

Take care hope all goes well

tsstss7

Hi Kittykate

Sorry to hear of all your recent troubles - just remember things will get better and you have good things to look forward to.

I expect your boss is scared she will be be "found out" (for being rubbish like you said ) - it's probably why she's behaving so unreasonably in the first place she needs someone to blame for her inability to cope! Thus she turns to her friend for support who has chosen the easy way out and supported her.

If you are really sure the exec won't care then take heart in the fact that when you do find a new job you can tell them exactly why you felt the need to look for a new position in the first place.

Meanwhile like poster above says you can look into your rights just to be sure.

Keeping_Motivated

andyrules wrote: »

Hi ((Kittykate))

Are you in a union? I wondered as you haven't mentioned it, but with everything going on around you maybe you have forgotten?

if not, I recommend you contact ACAS to find out your rights as your boss may be out of order here.

I completely agree with this, find out your rights, this is bullying. Write down EVERYTHING so you have a record of dates, cenversations, facts etc so you don't forget anything.

As for the wedding how would you feel about putting it on hold, just for a little while til you are feeling better. Its such a stressful thing to organise a wedding and you are stressed enough obviously. You need some tlc not extra stress.

Take care
KM x

belfastgirl23

No real advice but just to remind you that all things pass eventually - just try to hold onto your faith in this...and go easy on yourself in the meantime.