Fiance having an affair and refuses to leave

Carmina_Piranha_3

perhaps somebody can clarify - i have a vague idea that the CSA would split maintenance equally between the two children - around 20% of his income? it would be 15% going to one child, 20% going between 2 children or 25% going to 3 or more from what i remember from previous conversations at toddler group etc.

but if your sis goes onto tax credits rather than income support do the CSA still get involved? does anyone know?

tsstss7

your sister needs to consult a solicitor asap they may be able to take legal steps to get him to leave (maybe temporarily while she sorts out housing/decides on her options) esp. if he has been aggressive.

- and then contact dss tax credits etc and make a claim as a single person (I'm assuming the ex will not be giving her money in the meantime and she will be living off her part-time earnings) she does not have to move out to be single - the dss will have dealt with this before - your bil is not the only man to have behaved in this way I'm sure!!

She may be better off staying put in the short term - and in any case she should make sure all paperwork is completed to take her off the mortgage before she does move out - she will liable otherwise and could she trust her ex to pay the mortgage when no longer in receipt of her monies into the household budget?

This is a horrible situation I know but the best course of action is not to react straight away or to allow the ex to manipulate the situation but to follow a good solicitors advice - poss get a friend to recommend one as they are not all as good as each other.

hope your sis sorts her situation out soon - I have been in relationship limbo myself when my ds was young and was literally stuck with no income etc so I know how stressful it can be - she needs to get out as much as poss (to stay sane) while trying to keep the routine going for the sake of lo......not easy I know.

tsstss7

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

perhaps somebody can clarify - i have a vague idea that the CSA would split maintenance equally between the two children - around 20% of his income? it would be 15% going to one child, 20% going between 2 children or 25% going to 3 or more from what i remember from previous conversations at toddler group etc.

but if your sis goes onto tax credits rather than income support do the CSA still get involved? does anyone know?

don't know about ratios etc but op's sis will be entitled to some csa monies EVENTUALLY! (it can take years!) tax credits do not get involved with csa to the degree income support do - op's sis will have to make claim herself.

viktory

I would strongly advise against moving out of the matrimonial home - the council will say that she has made herself intentionally homeless and will not consider housing her. Leaving because of violence however.......

Personally, I'd change the locks and tell him to fcuk off, but that's just me and I KNOW it is not the sensible option but cheating men make me sooo mad. Actually, he would be lucky to still have his balls at this stage.....

paula65

When I found out my ex husband was cheating, I rand HIS mother and she came and chucked him out, lol

posh*spice

Just to add a different angle perhaps. If there is not much equity in this house and house prices start to fall alot, this is a house that could quite soon end up in negative equity. She might well be better off out of it and with the house transfered to him.;) Just a thought.:o

Kaz2904

Another point- I don't think he would be able to move his GF in because she would be trespassing on your sisters property (I think).
The only way round it really is for her to be removed from the deeds and evicted or to put a charge against the property if that's possible?
I really feel for her though, what a shmuck.

barnaby-bear

regularposter99 wrote: »

I'm a regular poster, but have assumed a new ID for privacy purposes.

My sister has found out that her fiance has been having an affair with another woman for a year. They've been together 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter.

The other woman contacted my sister after she became suspicious about what he'd been saying. He'd told her, that my sister and him were already seperated but still lived together.

He now refuses to leave their jointly mortgaged house and wants my sister to move out. She thinks he should leave, as it's him that had the affair. She also wishes to disrupt their daughter as little as possible.

They both live in the house currently, but have little equity and would end up losing money with early redemption penalties kicking in for the next 18 months. She only works part time and would struggle to even rent.

It seems he may have been planning for a future without my sister for a while, as he moved the balance from their joint account a few months ago. He also insisted he pays the mortgage each month from his account since they moved in and that she should pay for daily costs such as their daughter.

He appears an ok person on the surface, but other dark secrets have come to light, the most relevant being, he has a child from a previous marriage, which he now pays maintenence for, but has never seen.

I have read a few posts on this forum and advised her, as an initial step to go the CAB armed with as much information as she has.

I don't think there's been any physical abuse, although she did say he got a bit rough with her during an argument recently.

She doesn't want to spend any more time living with him than she has to and is also worried he may try and move this other woman and she would be powerless to stop him. It seems despite this other womans reservations, she's fallen for him and think they may have a future together.

I want to help her as much as I can, but I'm not sure how best. Any practical or financial/legal pointers welcome.

Has she investigated getting Mortgage interest benefit rather than housing benefit/LHA http://england.shelter.org.uk/advice/advice-4176.cfm she may have to cut her hours but if she can get him out - it kicks in pretty quickly for single parents.

november

viktory wrote: »

I would strongly advise against moving out of the matrimonial home - the council will say that she has made herself intentionally homeless and will not consider housing her. Leaving because of violence however.......

What vik said (including the violence bit).

With a jointly owned home she will need a solicitor as the house will have to be sold unless a court grants her the right to stay there until her child has grown. If her ex wants the house he would have to buy her out. In other words he gets a mortgage to buy the house and the old mortgage ends as it does when you sell a house. Even if she decides to leave the house and private rent she will still need a solicitor to deal with the house sale.

However if she needs to be rehomed by the Council it is important any house sale satisfies their rules of intentionality. For example if a court granted the house to her ex that should be OK. Indeed it may be that a court may grant her the right to live in the home until her daughter is grown. Or maybe not - when I separated from my unmarried partner he got the house (brought me out) and I got the children although that was many years ago and I know others who did get the right to stay in the house.

The best people for free housing advice is Shelter http://england.shelter.org.uk/advice/index.cfm. There is a national advice number and you can check out if they have an advice centre locally.

tsstss7 gives excellent advice about benefits, tax credits etc so I'll not repeat that

Wishing your sister all the best.

regularposter99

Thanks for the replies above, I passed on your thoughts to her.

Apparently he's being even more of a to$$er now. She is supposed to work this weekend, when he normally looks after their daughter at home.

He's told her, he doesn't want to look after her (my sister thinks he's off to see this other woman) so she's now had to call work and say she can't come in. She needs all the money she can get, so I think he knows how to put the squeeze on her.