Fiance having an affair and refuses to leave

regularposter99

I'm a regular poster, but have assumed a new ID for privacy purposes.

My sister has found out that her fiance has been having an affair with another woman for a year. They've been together 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter.

The other woman contacted my sister after she became suspicious about what he'd been saying. He'd told her, that my sister and him were already seperated but still lived together.

He now refuses to leave their jointly mortgaged house and wants my sister to move out. She thinks he should leave, as it's him that had the affair. She also wishes to disrupt their daughter as little as possible.

They both live in the house currently, but have little equity and would end up losing money with early redemption penalties kicking in for the next 18 months. She only works part time and would struggle to even rent.

It seems he may have been planning for a future without my sister for a while, as he moved the balance from their joint account a few months ago. He also insisted he pays the mortgage each month from his account since they moved in and that she should pay for daily costs such as their daughter.

He appears an ok person on the surface, but other dark secrets have come to light, the most relevant being, he has a child from a previous marriage, which he now pays maintenence for, but has never seen.

I have read a few posts on this forum and advised her, as an initial step to go the CAB armed with as much information as she has.

I don't think there's been any physical abuse, although she did say he got a bit rough with her during an argument recently.

She doesn't want to spend any more time living with him than she has to and is also worried he may try and move this other woman and she would be powerless to stop him. It seems despite this other womans reservations, she's fallen for him and think they may have a future together.

I want to help her as much as I can, but I'm not sure how best. Any practical or financial/legal pointers welcome.

dmg24

If she was to move out, if she is on a low income, it is likely that she would get help with the costs of renting, at least for six months.

Unfortunately, to get him out of the property will not be easy (or cheap), and will take a long time.

TBH she really needs to see a solicitor rather than CAB, but CAB should be able to point her in the right direction (and look at the possibility of Legal Aid funding for legal assistance).

Is there no way they can sort things out? x

hobo28

Unfortunately there is little she can do to make him leave. If the property is in joint names then he has just as much right as she does legally to be there. Morally he's an w***er!

If she's going to struggle to rent then I would suggest contacting the council and getting on the list for housing.

If he's already paying maintenance for one child, he's not going to be able to afford much more for his daughter. So its unlikely your sister will be able to stay anyway in the house as it is. From the sounds of things the most realistic option, however unpalletable is for her to move out. At 3, the daughter will probably adapt very quickly. Small consolation I suppose.

floss2

Do you & your sister have any other family she could stay with until she can get a place of her own? Or who could help with a deposit & bond?

regularposter99

dmg24 wrote: »

If she was to move out, if she is on a low income, it is likely that she would get help with the costs of renting, at least for six months.

Apparently she's been told, by CAB over the phone, she may not get any help, as she's not been kicked out and as such has a place to live?

Is there no way they can sort things out? x

They have no future, as he's completely untrustworthy. Unfortunately he's also being very stubborn and refusing to budge at present.

regularposter99

floss2 wrote: »

Do you & your sister have any other family she could stay with until she can get a place of her own? Or who could help with a deposit & bond?

Possibly, it's not entirely straightforward, but if the worst came to the worst.

LillyJ

Have you posted this on the house selling board? People there are really up on these sorts of situations especially with regards to the joint mortgage.

ameliarate

What a horrible situation, my heart goes out to her.

I am of no use whatsoever but would say that a 3 year old will adapt quite quickly as long as she is made to feel secure by her mother at all times. More damage will be done to her by living in a "hostile" environment.

I do hope things get sorted for her as soon as possible and she can move on a build a new life for herself and her daughter.

Carmina_Piranha_3

if your sister moves would she get tax credits? based on her part time income, if it's over 16 hours per week i think) she might get enough money to pay for private rent, or get housing benefit.

the entitledto website is a good start, put her wages into it and see what other financial help it comes up with.i think this is the one http://www.entitledto.com/

i can see why she wants to stay in the house but if there's little equity then she hasn't much to lose and staying there, fighting with him will be stressful for her. it's a horrible situation, give your sister a hug from me.

edit - i agree with ameliarate, posted while i was typing. the little girl is young and will adapt quickly. whatever the rights and wrongs of this, and he does sound VERY dodgy and untrustworthy and it's gutting to let somebody like that win, getting the little girl out of the hostile environment and sorting out a new life asap might be best. depending on where they move to a new school or nursery place might need sorting out and sooner rather than later is best.

pinkshoes

If there's very little equity in the house, then it's probably best if she just packs her bags and leaves.

She should tell him that the house is his, and she wants her name off the deeds and mortgage ASAP. Some things are worth a lot more than money.

Maybe she can contact Shelter? Could she temporarily stay with someone?

regularposter99

pinkshoes wrote: »

She should tell him that the house is his, and she wants her name off the deeds and mortgage ASAP. Some things are worth a lot more than money.

She's seriously considering this.