Almost 5 year old does not listen!

mrcow

RustyFlange wrote: »

Ok so I do partly agree with you, however I do not think he is running circles around me if you read my replies above you will see I have tried various things as you have suggested but with my son it really is selective hearing

Is there anything specific that you are having particular problems with?

With regards to his dinner, where is he eating it (if not in the kitchen?). Please tell me it's not in front of the television? I personally know three children who are "problem" eaters, and all of these kids have the television on whilst they are eating. I personally think that the two are not compatible......a child can not learn good table manners or eating habits unless they are eating up at a table and unwanted distractions don't help.

Good luck with the Playstation thing.......it's good that he's asking if he can play with it because it means that you've chosen a punishment that actually means something to him as he feels that he's missing out. Stick with it.

I've never resorted to "naughty step" etc, have never laid a finger on my children and do not shout at them. The only discipline I use is removal of toys/posters/fun activities when they misbehave and I have to say that I very rarely have problems with their behaviour (that said, my little boy got told off tonight ). I'm a great believer in consistency....the kids know that I'm always as good as my word....and don't mess with it lol.

maryotuam

You are the resposible adult and she is a small child. You have a right to tell her what to do rather than ask her. Think about what behaviour you expect from your daughter during a quiet time when you are not distracted so you are prepared in advance and appear more in control to her.

She will be grateful in the long run if you train her to be a decent person rather than allow her to become a spoilt brat. My grown up two have told me I did right to be firm with them and they intend to be the same with their kids (if they have any).

RustyFlange

mrcow wrote: »

Is there anything specific that you are having particular problems with?

With regards to his dinner, where is he eating it (if not in the kitchen?). Please tell me it's not in front of the television? I personally know three children who are "problem" eaters, and all of these kids have the television on whilst they are eating. I personally think that the two are not compatible......a child can not learn good table manners or eating habits unless they are eating up at a table and unwanted distractions don't help.

Good luck with the Playstation thing.......it's good that he's asking if he can play with it because it means that you've chosen a punishment that actually means something to him as he feels that he's missing out. Stick with it.

I've never resorted to "naughty step" etc, have never laid a finger on my children and do not shout at them. The only discipline I use is removal of toys/posters/fun activities when they misbehave and I have to say that I very rarely have problems with their behaviour (that said, my little boy got told off tonight ). I'm a great believer in consistency....the kids know that I'm always as good as my word....and don't mess with it lol.

Heaven forbid no! The TV in banned first thing on a morning in our house, he has the tv on after school for an hour, maybe more and at weekends for a couple of hours but never at mealtimes.
At mealtimes he sits at the table and eats his food, more often than not he sits down with us all as a family, although in the week it is without my partner as he works away but we al sit down, even my 10 month old daughter sits at the table.

I can't pinpoint anything specific which he doesn't listen about, every day there is several times a day about him listening, wether it is over him getting his clothes on/pjs on, going to bed, doing as he is told but always something. this morning I have already had to tell him several times to stop getting in his sisters face ( she grabs faces but she is a baby and although we tell her no she doesn't understand so we persevere with it) but he still continues to do it.

Paparika

RustyFlange

How about when he has been good and his sister is having a nap, sit down with him give him hugs tell him he's a very good big brother, and tell him that being a big brother is a very responsible job, ask him what he thinks his jobs are and does he think they are important, let him get into the proud big brother thing and then slip in how important listening is... and responding to what is being asked of you, (whilst he is in the big brother important person mode).

Then suggest a sticker system whilst he's still in this proud big brother mode,

sneaky but i tried this on my son although he is an only child, i went through a break up of marriage when he was 4 and a lot of rules changed, and i explained to him that mummy couldn't carry him to bed any more he was a big boy now, but we would both go to his bedroom when it was his bedtime and have a story read and he would have to stay in bed all night.

the fussy meals would have to stop as mummy didn't have much money to buy different foods. and that if he listened and did what he was told, we would make a great team and have lots of fun and happy days.

if he wants something and i say no, i don't just say no your not having it, i explain why.

we had good and bad days but i think the problem i had was i didn't have much contact with children when i was younger as i really didn't like children until i had one of my own, and i always spoke to him as a small person rather than a child (i didn't really know how to talk to children)

And now proud to say that i have a very mature 13 year old, ok he has the teenage strops "I have to do everything" his bedroom looks a tip, but i am very proud of him.

webitha

selective hearing?? welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood
just be thankful in the knowledge that your kids will grow up, have kids of their own, and have to go through this :rotfl:

all kids no matter how good their parent is, has selctive hearing, (but can hear the opening of a crisp packet from 100 yards away), and as they get older they get worse, girls especially :D

all we can do is our best, and be happy in the knowledge that you will have kids one day that will do what you ask of them...........their called grandchildren:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

cobbingstones

Why not try a star chart??? I have found this to be my saviour. They can see the stars appearing for the good behaviour and maybe if possible, a nice treat with just mummy if she gets a week of stars etc? Maybe you could just have a drink and cake together at Sainsburys etc.

I really hope you sort it out. Having a little one is stressful enough.

MM

RustyFlange

Paparika wrote: »

RustyFlange

How about when he has been good and his sister is having a nap, sit down with him give him hugs tell him he's a very good big brother, and tell him that being a big brother is a very responsible job, ask him what he thinks his jobs are and does he think they are important, let him get into the proud big brother thing and then slip in how important listening is... and responding to what is being asked of you, (whilst he is in the big brother important person mode).

Then suggest a sticker system whilst he's still in this proud big brother mode,

sneaky but i tried this on my son although he is an only child, i went through a break up of marriage when he was 4 and a lot of rules changed, and i explained to him that mummy couldn't carry him to bed any more he was a big boy now, but we would both go to his bedroom when it was his bedtime and have a story read and he would have to stay in bed all night.

the fussy meals would have to stop as mummy didn't have much money to buy different foods. and that if he listened and did what he was told, we would make a great team and have lots of fun and happy days.

if he wants something and i say no, i don't just say no your not having it, i explain why.

we had good and bad days but i think the problem i had was i didn't have much contact with children when i was younger as i really didn't like children until i had one of my own, and i always spoke to him as a small person rather than a child (i didn't really know how to talk to children)

And now proud to say that i have a very mature 13 year old, ok he has the teenage strops "I have to do everything" his bedroom looks a tip, but i am very proud of him.

thanks for the reply, I have sat down with him and explained things, when I tell him no I explain why and we have a sticker chart in place ... I used to work in a nursery so tried various things but still nothing has happened. When my daughter sleeps after school we then do his reading and letters then we play till she wakes up.

I guess I will keep pesevering as it seems it is normal for children to do this ...

Thanks for all the help.

mrcow

I can't pinpoint anything specific which he doesn't listen about, every day there is several times a day about him listening, wether it is over him getting his clothes on/pjs on, going to bed, doing as he is told but always something. this morning I have already had to tell him several times to stop getting in his sisters face ( she grabs faces but she is a baby and although we tell her no she doesn't understand so we persevere with it) but he still continues to do it.

It all sounds like pretty normal boundary pushing to be honest.He's not running riot etc (which some chilren are at this age lol!). Just a thought, but maybe it's more of an issue because you are so busy with the baby on your hands too that you are relying on him to do these things for himself and he's just noticing that you have more on your plate than you used to have. Kind of a "I'll see if I can get away with this" and it builds from there.

As your daughter gets older, she'll start sticking up for herself (my middle daughter developed a special "go away" scream by 1 1/2 if my son got too close).

Little things like putting shoes on, taking out plates, tidying up, coming when I ask or starting simple tasks etc, I've always given my children a count of three to do something if they don't do it straight away. If they are not doing it by then, then they know that I'll take it that they are being disobedient and then a toy (or treat etc) will go. There is no way that they can have "selective hearing" about me saying "you've got until the count of three to do this" as they know I mean business.

Bottom line is that there is a consequence for everything in my house, good or bad. If they are good, then we do fun things, if they are not, then we don't.

Carmina_Piranha_3

we're quite strict like that too. now my boy is 11 and has started high school i am starting to think we are too strict and have too many rules, but when things relax he just doesn't listen, he's scatterbrained like me and needs distractions removed until he has done what he needs to do.

when he was younger my most-used words were 'good things only happen for good children'

mine had a star chart at age 5 and it worked. it wasn't punishment though, it was treats for if he got his stars. extra stories at bedtime, a small treat after dinner, TV time, things that most other children get when they want them regardless of behaviour and don't have to 'earn'.

he soon got the hang of things - if he behaved badly he didn't earn his TV time.

as for peppa pig at breakfast time - i am a bad parent - i do put the TV on in the morning but only if he has already finished his breakfast and got dressed including shoes. and he knew that he had to leave for school as soon as the credits came up.

Kaz2904

Our telly is always on in the morning, something we argue about constantly because I hate it. I always turn it off and DH turns it on.
However he snapped this morning when I was trying to do DD's hair and she was being rude to me because I turned her away from the telly. He's said that there won't be TV in the morning anymore (thank the lord!).
My DD's 6 and is rude stroppy and ignorant. She has a foul mouth and has even started writing me notes now to tell me how much she hates me (always signed XXX DD) and what a horrible Mummy I am.
Her behaviour at school is very good, she is a smily happy, helpful child.
She can be so loving but can also be such a !!!!!!!
I do the action=consequence too because it's the only thing that works.
She's been to school in the pouring down rain with no coat on until we got there, no shoes etc.
She's gone without her book bag and I've not noticed so I've told her she has to explain to her teacher why she's got no equipment. She's forgotten her lunch so she had to have a lecture all the way into the class room as I had to go back home for it.
When she was little and at preschool I took her in in her pyjamas because she refused to get dressed. She only did that once!

I feel sorry for her a lot of the time because she's such a so and so for us because she's tired most of the time when we see her. She isn't a morning person and when she gets home from school she's tired and hungry. I will not let this behaviour spoil everyone elses life though. If she can't be civil then she can stay in her room.