Almost 5 year old does not listen!

Barbiegirl_2

:mad:

Hi all,

My little girl started reception last year and will be 5 in August. Basically I am at the end of my tether because she doesn't listen to me and I mean she doesn't listen to a single thing! This can be giving her an instruction like please put your shoes on we are going to school in 5 minutes....today I had to tell her this 7 times....

I am doing an Incredible Years course every Wednesday and I have taken away a lot from it. We have a 9 week old baby and from the very beginning I have included her and praised her good behaviour.....but absolutely nothing is working. I have been in tears today because I shouted at her. I asked to please it her dinner a little quicker (she can take 1 hour or more usually) because the baby wanted to bath with her. Well after asking a few times I shouted at her. She then decided she wasn't going to eat and left the table :mad:. This morning she wasted her cereal because I didn't let her watch Peppa Pig???? What I tried to explain to her was that if she ate her cereal without us having to tell her every 10 minutes then she could watch TV she got in a strop and once again the cereal went to waste....

Whilst I realise that sometimes children don't listen my daughter literally does NOT listen to anything. It's tearing me up inside and I don't know if we are setting ourselves up for behaviour problems later....

My husband told her to say sorry to me tonight and she did. I said sorry for shouting at her. He also asked her why she doesn't listen to me and she told him that she doesn't care! Now I have no idea where all this is coming from. I have spoken to her teacher at school and she is doing well. They don't have a problem with her at all.

Where do I go from here....any ideas?

mutley74

suppose i learnt from being a singel father to a 6yr old ..u have to change your ways and your approach and your child will learn.

in my case i had to also cut down shouting although sometimes i have to repeat myself so many times. Now my aim is to say something 1-2 times and if they dont listen and its something they miss out - its their fault. next time kid will listen and learn that daddy/mummy is not going to keep asking and asking and asking!

alwaysonthego_2

I know this may be a silly suggestion but are you sure she doesn't have an hearing impairment. Maybe get her checked out and if she is physically healthy then tackle her emotional and social issues.

Obviously because of the baby she does not have your full attention, ignore bad behaviour and reward good behaviour, sticker charts are a good start. It usually takes a child a few months to settle down after the baby is born and is perfectly normal. You will be tearing your hair out soon when they are arguing.

Bettyboop

Hi,

Sorry I forgot to mention that her hearing is absolutely fine. Initially I wondered if this was the problem but she attended a hearing screening and everything was 100%.........

alwaysonthego_2

ok apart from the baby is there any thing else going on at home that would affect her emotionally?

Are barbiegirl and bettyboop the same person?

Cornishpixie_2

Hi, sounds like you have your hands full. It also sounds like attention seeking behaviour, unfortunately it's all negative. She's also trying to manipulate and control the situation. You have to try and remain calm, kids play you up more when your stressed. Perhaps explain your only going to ask her to do something twice, if she doesn't do it, then the consequences will be, if she doesn't put on shoe's take her to school without shoes. Doesn't eat breakfast goes huingry. She needs to learn the natural consequences for actions. Maybe case of pesevering as she won't like it, but ignore her then praise when she returns to being calm. Deep breaths and a treat when she goes to bed. Could do a reward chart but I always forget. Good luck:)

Shambler

Naughty step anyone?

hobo28

Discipline is always a hard one to get right at that age. The key is consistency and to follow through with your threats. Always give a warning first.

So don't say things like "If you don't do this I will pull your arms off!" because plainly you won't. I've heard my friend say this!!! Instead something you can follow thru with "If you don't do this then I will ban you from the TV."

The key is to ALWAYS follow through. Even if you regret saying it. Cos sometimes the punishment is more aggro for us! :P

The other thing is please don't be afraid at shouting at your daughter. There's a difference between shouting and abuse though. If she's done wrong and deserves to be shouted at then shout! But don't go and apologise if she was clearly wrong. Only apologise if YOU were wrong.

As for eating, just bin it. Don't fight her, don't make a fuss. At her age she will not let herself starve. Just give her one warning then straight in the bin. Yes short term she will go hungry but she will quickly learn not to fight on the subject.

jetcat

i totally sympathise!!! for a long time, i was the same with my daughter. As it turns out (and i am not suggesting this at all is the same as with your daughter!) she did have a few difficulties, and when i was receiving help with those, one of the better suggestions was to always ensure that she is looking at me when i am talking to her!! sounds simple i know, and not she doesnt have a hearing problem, she has a problem actually taking in what is being said. so, i started just lightly touching her on the shoulder, waiting until she looked at me before speaking. Then, if the occasion warranted, got her to repeat back to me.

like i said, your daughter may be just going through a phase, but maybe it is worth a try? and good luck

RoxieW

My youngest is like this and it's very frustrating. I've found that I'm often repeating my requests without giving him my full attention ie whilst doing something else and sometimes not even looking at him. I've found I have more luck if I get down to his level and ask him very clearly and slowly to do X - giving him my full attention.

Paparika

Sounds like she's just testing the boundaries, and seeing how far she can push them.

you could..... when she refuses to eat her breakfast say ok, but there will be no food until lunch time,

when she won't put her shoes on, tell ok you can walk to school without her shoes.

shouting and screaming at her is going to get her back up and its upsetting you.
giving in will only make her spoilt as she grows up.

i've been there with my son, i didn't resort to smacking, didn't need to, but stuck to my guns and he did start to listen.

But this is also what 5 year olds are like, they see what other children are like with their parents and think its normal.

good luck, it won't last forever