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Almost 5 year old does not listen!
Comments
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I think a dose of daddy's slipper would go down a treat here
553780080 -
we look after our nephew a lot who goes through phases of selective deafness too :rolleyes:
we've found the most effective way is to remove whatever it is they are focusing their attention on instead of doing as they are told. for example, if he is glued to the TV and repeatedly ignoring instructions, he will be asked to do X (eg put shoes on ready to go out) or the TV will be switched off. if he still ignores the request, we turn the tv off, and tell him that we've turned it off because he hasnt done what he is told.
now he's realised that we dont make empty threats and are always consistent, the warning is almost always enough to spur him into action. you have to keep at it, but be consistent and you will get there :beer:know thyselfNid wy'n gofyn bywyd moethus...0 -
I have one of these too, although he's almost 10!
I agree that cutting off distractions works very well - we don't have TV in the morning for that reason. I find myself saying 'what did I ask you to do?" "what did I just say?" quite a lot as at least then I feel less like a stuck record mindlessly repeating the same instructions. Also I have found that asking and then waiting and observing it being done helped a lot (although that is also frustrating).
I have come to a conclusion though that my DS is also naturally ditzy and will always be a bit of a scatterbrain!Saving to pay the tax man0 -
This is all about control, and sorry if it's difficult to hear, but she's running circles around you!
You are the adult here - you should be the one in control.
For starters - the tv in the morning can stop right now! What's that all about anyway? She doesn't control what goes on the tv! The mornings are for getting ready for school. Breakfast should be eaten properly up a table, not in front of a telly?
If she doesn't eat her breakfast or dinner, then fine, she doesn't eat. She still has a bath and goes to school at the correct time no matter what. If she doesn't put her shoes on, then fine, she can go to school in her socks and put her shoes on in class. I can assure you that the embarrassment of that for one day will cure the attitude problem over that little issue.
You need to start making a stand. You're doing no favours causing arguments within the house like this......and if the baby sees this all going on around them as they are growing up, then they are going to grow into a little duplicate of the problem you have now and you are going to have two of them running circles around you.
She's only five now, if you don't get on the case with it, you'll have no chance by the time she's eight."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
This is all about control, and sorry if it's difficult to hear, but she's running circles around you!
You are the adult here - you should be the one in control.
For starters - the tv in the morning can stop right now! What's that all about anyway? She doesn't control what goes on the tv! The mornings are for getting ready for school. Breakfast should be eaten properly up a table, not in front of a telly?
If she doesn't eat her breakfast or dinner, then fine, she doesn't eat. She still has a bath and goes to school at the correct time no matter what. If she doesn't put her shoes on, then fine, she can go to school in her socks and put her shoes on in class. I can assure you that the embarrassment of that for one day will cure the attitude problem over that little issue.
You need to start making a stand. You're doing no favours causing arguments within the house like this......and if the baby sees this all going on around them as they are growing up, then they are going to grow into a little duplicate of the problem you have now and you are going to have two of them running circles around you.
She's only five now, if you don't get on the case with it, you'll have no chance by the time she's eight.
I mentioned similar in another thread and got a load of sh** about "positive parenting". Choice with 5 year olds DOES NOT WORK!. Expect to get flamed!553780080 -
MonkeySaving? wrote: »I mentioned similar in another thread and got a load of sh** about "positive parenting". Choice with 5 year olds DOES NOT WORK!. Expect to get flamed!
lol I have three children.....I can handle anything! :rotfl:
I think that there is a place for choice......in the right circumstances. If a child is displaying good behaviour, then by all means they can be allowed to exercise choice over certain things, but for example, a choice of whether or not they eat their breakfast or put on their shoes in the morning is a non starter."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
MonkeySaving? wrote: »I mentioned similar in another thread and got a load of sh** about "positive parenting". Choice with 5 year olds DOES NOT WORK!. Expect to get flamed!
I'm confused because IMO mrcow IS talking about positive parenting. And the 5 year old does get choices, either eat or don't eat, put shoes on or don't. Either way there are consequences and telling a 5 year old that they will feel hungry soon is nowhere near as effective as a 5 year old feeling hungry and coming to understand the reason is because they refused to eat when the food was there.
I totally agree that the issue is about control, she is using whatever means to keep the control she has. She needs her parents to be the ones dictating the boundaries and she needs this to be consistent.
And when I say parents I mean parents, plural, it sounds to me like mum could do with much more support from dad than him asking DD to say sorry. As you cannot literally make a child eat their brekkie I would say they do have a choice.
*Edit: oops mrcow and I must have been working on replies at the same time.Domestic Violence and Abuse 24hr freephone helpline for FEMALE TARGETS - 0808 2000 247.
For MALE TARGETS - 0808 801 0327.
Free legal advice on WOMEN'S RIGHTS - 020 7251 6577.
PM me for further support / links to websites.0 -
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Barbiegirl wrote: »:mad:
Hi all,
My little girl started reception last year and will be 5 in August. Basically I am at the end of my tether because she doesn't listen to me and I mean she doesn't listen to a single thing! This can be giving her an instruction like please put your shoes on we are going to school in 5 minutes....today I had to tell her this 7 times....
I am doing an Incredible Years course every Wednesday and I have taken away a lot from it. We have a 9 week old baby and from the very beginning I have included her and praised her good behaviour.....but absolutely nothing is working. I have been in tears today because I shouted at her. I asked to please it her dinner a little quicker (she can take 1 hour or more usually) because the baby wanted to bath with her. Well after asking a few times I shouted at her. She then decided she wasn't going to eat and left the table :mad:. This morning she wasted her cereal because I didn't let her watch Peppa Pig???? What I tried to explain to her was that if she ate her cereal without us having to tell her every 10 minutes then she could watch TV she got in a strop and once again the cereal went to waste....
Whilst I realise that sometimes children don't listen my daughter literally does NOT listen to anything. It's tearing me up inside and I don't know if we are setting ourselves up for behaviour problems later....
My husband told her to say sorry to me tonight and she did. I said sorry for shouting at her. He also asked her why she doesn't listen to me and she told him that she doesn't care! Now I have no idea where all this is coming from. I have spoken to her teacher at school and she is doing well. They don't have a problem with her at all.
Where do I go from here....any ideas?
Ok so snap, snap, snap and snap again!
My daughter is now 11 months old, we moved house 6 weeks ago, my son is 5 and gradually getting worse with the whole listening thing so will be keeping an eye on the thread ....
One thing though I haven't got his ears tested but I am pretty certain he is just choosing to ignore.Raising kids is like being held hostage by midget terrorists0 -
Naughty step anyone?
Doesn't work in my case ... have tried most things
Discipline is always a hard one to get right at that age. The key is consistency and to follow through with your threats. Always give a warning first.
The other thing is please don't be afraid at shouting at your daughter. There's a difference between shouting and abuse though. If she's done wrong and deserves to be shouted at then shout! But don't go and apologise if she was clearly wrong. Only apologise if YOU were wrong.
As for eating, just bin it. Don't fight her, don't make a fuss. At her age she will not let herself starve. Just give her one warning then straight in the bin. Yes short term she will go hungry but she will quickly learn not to fight on the subject.
ok so I always follow through with threats, they are not what I would regret no mater how much he will big me about it. He is currently on a ban from his playstation til he learns to listen to me more (or at least improve) this was carried out last friday and daily he asks if he is allowed but I haven't and will not back down.
I am not scared to shout at him if this is necessary ....
Eating I also have the problem with .... breakfast is never an issue, any other meal he could be sat there all day, at first I used to fight with him and constantly nag him to eat or to *hurry up* now if he says he doesn't want it I tell him to put his plate in the kitchen and he has nothing else no matter if he is crying or screaming as he is apparently hungry! but still this doesn't work!!! he is still fighting it!
when she won't put her shoes on, tell ok you can walk to school without her shoes.
good luck, it won't last forever
Shamelessly I have to admit I have resorted to this once before ... I asked him twice to put his shoes on, then he was warned that if he didn't put them on then he would walk with no shoes on ... 5 minutes later he still hadn't done it so he was made to walk down the street to the car with no shoes on
think he learnt from that one!pavlovs_dog wrote: »
we've found the most effective way is to remove whatever it is they are focusing their attention on instead of doing as they are told. for example, if he is glued to the TV and repeatedly ignoring instructions, he will be asked to do X (eg put shoes on ready to go out) or the TV will be switched off. if he still ignores the request, we turn the tv off, and tell him that we've turned it off because he hasnt done what he is told.
So what happens if their attention is on nothing imparticular?? or on the baby? I can't exactly move her mid nappy change just so he can do something. sorry dont mean to sound funny but there is rarely anything which he has attention tuned into?This is all about control, and sorry if it's difficult to hear, but she's running circles around you!
You are the adult here - you should be the one in control.
For starters - the tv in the morning can stop right now! What's that all about anyway? She doesn't control what goes on the tv! The mornings are for getting ready for school. Breakfast should be eaten properly up a table, not in front of a telly?
If she doesn't eat her breakfast or dinner, then fine, she doesn't eat. She still has a bath and goes to school at the correct time no matter what. If she doesn't put her shoes on, then fine, she can go to school in her socks and put her shoes on in class. I can assure you that the embarrassment of that for one day will cure the attitude problem over that little issue.
You need to start making a stand. You're doing no favours causing arguments within the house like this......and if the baby sees this all going on around them as they are growing up, then they are going to grow into a little duplicate of the problem you have now and you are going to have two of them running circles around you.
She's only five now, if you don't get on the case with it, you'll have no chance by the time she's eight.
Ok so I do partly agree with you, however I do not think he is running circles around me if you read my replies above you will see I have tried various things as you have suggested but with my son it really is selective hearing
Sorry to hijack but surely all answers and responses to similar problems are best kept in one thread Raising kids is like being held hostage by midget terrorists0
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