Counselling for verbal abuse - does it work?

skintas_2

sounds like my partner used to be. instead of controlling me, he made me hate him, i met someone else and was gonna leave him. im not proud of it now. i moved to a new area was stuck in doors with a baby and 3 year old no nursery to go to., he also didnt want me speaking to my friends on the phone. it is called emontional abuse, partlty becuase he drinks and hes insecure. he had to allow me out more, or else i was off, he had to realise how lucky he was to have me and the kids. also like you my family rarely visit, i think its because he has been let down by his family, long story but his sister is so jealous and hates me.he felt he had no friends and didnt want me to be happy and have friends. does he do much socially himself.i sat my oh down told him i was so unhappy, he had to let me do more, or its over, and he can see the kids every week whatever, then i come have some life back, tell him how unhappy you are....

Guinevere_2

skintas wrote: »

does he do much socially himself.

No he never goes out socially any more. He's into golf and fishing and he's even stopped doing these, despite my encouragement. And he seems to have dropped his mates too over the years.

I know he is insecure and full of self doubt and i seem to have morphed into a similar personality, when i used to be happy, sociable, and confident.

Loretta

Guinevere wrote: »

Yes, I've heard that too, and it really frustrates me because i can't believe i've allowed this to happen to me!! Now that i've taken a step back and am analysing (sp) what's going on in my life i'm beginning to realise just how bad things have got. I rarely do anything without him there so i went off to the shops earlier and when he asked where i'd been i told him to mind his own business so i'm now being ignored but it's better than being interrogated!

I'm sat here now just thinking about all the special occasions, and parties etc that i have missed over the years because of this man. xmas parties, anniversary parties, engagements, christenings, birthday's, bar-b-q's, weddings, and even funerals all usually because he doesn't want us to go! rarely i have defied him and he generally then has a huge tantrum and then i go without him or he tags along telling me how carp it all is!! Strangely enough we don't get invited out much anymore.

I've just been reading through my 1st post and i think the reason he is sweet and loving most of the time is the fact that i have let him get his own way with everything. I'm kind of in shock because i'm not a weak person, i just feel he has done it all so sneakily i just didn't realise what he was doing i thought he was just moody.

These controling people do it gradually and you are a long way down the line before you notice how bad it is. They don't start off being horrible about it they do it like you have said by being nice at first and then control you with their moods.

Now you have noticed what is happening you can decide what you want to do about it

Loretta

Guinevere wrote: »

I think this is what has happened with our marriage. He is genuinely a good guy, and this is the reason i'm still with him. He has always been adoring of me though and it seemed to start from there really him saying i'm too good for him and me trying to reassure him i'm not going to leave it's just snowballed over the years!

It's reassuring to hear that the counselling should help, and yes he has put his name down for it, but i hope he finds something sooner.

Don't be too understanding I think that nearly every controlling person says those sort of things, it is part of the game

PinkLipgloss

Guinevere wrote: »

I feel so stupid.

Guinevere,

We've all felt like that at certain points in our life. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

It's fantastic that you have both now acknowledged the problem and are taking positive steps to deal with it.

Don't dwell on the past and best of luck to you both.