Counselling for verbal abuse - does it work?

Guinevere_2

I'm a regular poster

And i'm embarrassed to admit that my oh verbally abuses me. The last incident was on thursday night and i have told him i have finally had enough of his behaviour, as i deserve better. I have told him to get help urgently or i am selling our house and divorcing him. I don't say anything i don't mean so he knows i'm serious. I printed off some info about the characteristics of verbal abusers and gave it to him, he admitted that it described him exactly, and he was ashamed and cried. Today he has phoned the local womens aid to arrange some counselling but the waiting list is long 4-5months!

What i'd really like to know from anyone who has experience is does counselling actually work to stop this? The incidences of his shouting rages happen usually every 2-3 months. In between he is mostly sweet and loving unbelievably. To everyone else he is pleasant and polite, charming and can't do enough to help other people. It's a bit like living with jekyll and hyde that's the easiest way to describe him.

PinkLipgloss

Guinevere,

I'm sorry I don't have any experience of this however I wish you the best of luck in working through it with your OH.

I think counselling sounds like a great idea - however 4-5 months is hardly ideal. Are there other courses available elsewhere?

Best wishes,
PinkLipgloss

Oldernotwiser

I don't know about the effectiveness of counselling but your husband's response would seem very hopeful. Not many men would be prepared to acknowledge their behaviour so readily and seek help so quickly.
Good luck to you both.

Fleago

Guinivere,

I'm glad your OH is prepared to be pro-active and seek help for his issues. It might be worth him seeing his GP; the reason I suggest this is because I have had clients in the past who have had anger management issues and they have been given help via their GP's. I don't know if this might be dependent on geographical area though, but worth a try to see if NHS help is available in your area?

Good luck, I hope things work out well for you and your OH and that he can get the help he needs.

Fleago

Nicifer_noonoo

Perhaps you could go for counselling together, through Relate?

Guinevere_2

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

I think counselling sounds like a great idea - however 4-5 months is hardly ideal. Are there other courses available elsewhere?

I agree it's too long to wait. I spoke to him this afternoon and he intends doing some more calling round this evening after work. Hopefully he can find something sooner.

candygirl

Has he got any idea why he does it? Good luck with the counselling hun xx:D

Guinevere_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't know about the effectiveness of counselling but your husband's response would seem very hopeful. Not many men would be prepared to acknowledge their behaviour so readily and seek help so quickly.
Good luck to you both.

I've been asking him to get help for about 6 months now, he did refuse at first. He denied any problem then, this time i gave him an ultimatum and i meant it. It seems harsh to do that i know but i feel i have been really patient over the years and now i've finally had enough.

candygirl

Guinevere wrote: »

I've been asking him to get help for about 6 months now, he did refuse at first. He denied any problem then, this time i gave him an ultimatum and i meant it. It seems harsh to do that i know but i feel i have been really patient over the years and now i've finally had enough.

It doesn't seem harsh at all, I think you've probably been too patient, and he's mistaking kindness with weakness:(

Guinevere_2

Fleago wrote: »

Guinivere,

I'm glad your OH is prepared to be pro-active and seek help for his issues. It might be worth him seeing his GP; the reason I suggest this is because I have had clients in the past who have had anger management issues and they have been given help via their GP's. I don't know if this might be dependent on geographical area though, but worth a try to see if NHS help is available in your area?

Good luck, I hope things work out well for you and your OH and that he can get the help he needs.

Fleago

Thanks for this. We did wonder if his gp maybe able to point him in the right direction for counselling. He will be making an appointment tomorrow.

Guinevere_2

candygirl wrote: »

Has he got any idea why he does it?

He has said he just gets angry, and for some reason unknown to me or him he directs his frustrations at me personally