Freind come home from hospital

RedBern

I suppose in this situation, as difficult it is, just making yourself available to your friend will be invaluable to her and her husband. As already posted, if there's anything you can do on a practical level it will be a help, but also remember that she and her partner may not want to talk about what's happening - they may be 'all talked out' and just need some normality. Just take the lead from them and remember to look after yourself and your husband as well through this difficult time. In many ways you need to wait until you see them and take a lead from there - do other friends know? Do they want others to know? Will they welcome visitors or not? People react in different ways to news like this - and probably need a bit of space to get to grips with their own feelings before deciding how to tackle what's next. Lots of questions but all stuff that needs considering.

busiscoming2

Hi
I think the idea of a wedding presentis brilliant. Can't say anything to make things more bearable (I had the same with my mum in March), it is very hard knowing someone is dying and the not knowing how long, is, in my opinion the hardest part. Just be there for your friend and her husband and try to be 'normal', you don't have to act differently. Thinking of you and your friend.

Mojisola

As well as being there for both of them now, do try to be around afterwards for her husband and be willing to talk about your friend with him. When my friend died, her husband called round quite often because I was the only person who would talk about his wife with him - everyone else tried to change the subject and talked about "moving on". He said it made him feel as if she had never existed.

nzmegs

I can sympathise with you. I saw my Mum two weeks before she died of cancer - she lives in another country so I couldn't be there long. But I was amazed at how well she actually was. She was coherent and positive and reasonably active and actually the fact she was so ill was hard to believe.
What I am saying is don't feel frightened that your friend may be so unwell and look terrible as you may find this is not the case.
i was terrified I would see my mum looking at her worst and that this would be the memory i took away with me - but actually she was just my Mum exactly as i would have wanted her to be.

Quillion

I spoke to my sister in law today before going shopping as she is also a friend of my friend.
They are not seeing anyone. The wedding yesterday took it out of her as she was not allowed the medication prior to the wedding. It is a matter of days not weeks and their time together as a family is so precious. When she has the morhpine she is very drowsy and frail and drifts in and out of sleep.
One of the girls who saw her said she has changed beyond recognition looking like a frail little old lady.
I know i will remember her as i saw her last and hope that she does not have to suffer this awful awful pain for much longer.
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments xx

dotchas

Oh Quillion ,that is so sad.Try to take strength from the knowledge that she is spending her last days as she choses with her husband.

Amanda65

When my nan was dying and my mum was struggling to come to terms with it and with the practicalities and what order events would take I sent for a leaflet from Cancerbacup called "Lost for words – how to talk to someone with cancer" as well as a couple of other publications. I also found their helpline very practical and supportive.

www.cancerbackup.org.uk

I think for your friend the most important thing will be knowing that you will always remember her and will be there for her husband in the future. Good luck x

duchy

If you can't find the words -actions can speak louder than words. Perhaps there is something you can do for them that frees up her husband from chores or tasks that take him away from her. Give them the gift of just a little more time to spend together.
Doesn't have to be anything big-could be something as simple as getting the shopping or taking the dog for a walk.

waggys

So sorry to hear your news; know exactly where you are coming from. My best friend died 7 years ago from breast cancer at the age of 32. What made it worse for me was that she was a nurse and knew what lay ahead of her yet she remained positive to the end. She was the most genuine, lovely person I have ever met, never smoked, loved a large glass of red wine and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I still miss her deeply and hold such fond memories of our friendship.

As a previous post said, offer to paint her nails, shave her legs, help her with her hair etc. My friend said she was so worried about smelling and didn't want her partner to help her with those personal bits. She was so grateful for someone taking the time to help her with all those little bits and squirting her with her favourite perfume etc.

Take care
x

mandi

What a sad thread ...... loosing anyone when they are young seems such a waste .:lovethoug to you both, happened to my freind 3 years ago ...aged just 37 ... I still think of her almost everyday ...