Freind come home from hospital

Quillion

My friend has been told the treatment for her cancer is no longer working and there is nothing more that can be done for her.
She came home from the hospital as she said she is not going to die there.
Her and her partner got married yesterday at home.
We were only told yesterday and i find myself wide awake with no-one to talk to so i thought i would come on here.
We are going to see her sometime this week i am not sure what to say. I know that sounds so selfish but at 37 i have never lost anyone this way where i knew they were going to die. All my loved ones have gone suddenly a blessing for the ones gone but not for the ones left behind i might add.
Don't really need answers just had to put down the words past experience tells me better out than in.
Thanks

jak

I'm so sorry. Just tell her you love her and you'll miss her. Might be an idea to say you'll be there to help her husband through it too, put her mind at rest. I'm so sorry for your sad news.
Sometimes just being there is enough.
X

debs66_2

my sincerest sympathy to you and your friends at this time.

when my dad was dying of cancer (he was 51), i was once helping him out of the house to the car to take him to hospital, when a friend of my mum's (in his social circle too) walked by about 15 yards away. she didn't know what to say or do, so she ignored us - actually, she pretended she hadn't seen us. i am not angry, because she simply did not know how to handle the situation she found herself in.

my advice would be to not ignore or skirt around the issue, and to go and see your friend as and when she wants to see you. don't treat her any differently, follow her lead regarding what can be spoken about and when, and don't break down in front of her if you can help it - unless it's a mutual thing.

she may want to talk about it, she may not, but don't change the subject if she does. her feelings are the priority at the moment, so do all you can to respect them.

this will be a difficult time for all of you. life will seem strange. the world will spin differently as far as you are concerned. talk it out. all feelings you will have are correct, because they are what you are feeling at the time.

it sounds like she has lots of loving people around her, which is a real blessing.

aliasojo

I feel for you. My Mother died of a type of cancer years ago and although we knew she was dying, she didn't. We had to deal with our emotions at knowing she would be gone soon and not being able to talk to her about it, it was a horibble situation.

Take your cue from your friend, as Debs says in the post above, I'm sure you'll know whether she is up for talking about it or not and you can support her choice.

Do you have support for you? You'll need someone to talk to yourself about this.

haylibo

Quillion, so sorry for you and your friend. Could you offer to be of any help to her that you can be over the coming days? Shopping, cleaning, cooking etc (as much as you have time for) would give you a practical focus for your relationship with her. Might make it easier and take the 'what do I do' pressure off a little.
BW

cocoluvsmummy

**hugs to you Quillion. The first time you see her will be the hardest. Once you have done it it will get easier for both of you. As others have said offer some practical help if you know whats needed. Depending on how close friends you are some things are going to get hard for her over the coming days/weeks depending on how poorly she is, things like painting her nails, making sure her hair looks good, that she has smooth legs (nothing worse than being hairy on them if you havent been before. These are things that as a friend you can offer to help with, its practical yet personal.

Having said all this once you get over that first meeting and give her a hug shes still your friend, shes still the same person and if you had a relationship where you could talk before you will still have.

kittiej

Well said coco, I second that.

Why not take a wedding present to break any awkwardness? After all your friend has just got married so why not celebrate this.

Big hugs to you Quillion.

Quillion

Thank You all so much for your kind replies.
At the moment my friend and her husband want to be alone to sort out everything.
We are going to go and see her later this week i will perhaps use this post to tell my woes as i find this easier than actually hearing my voice say the words.
Does that sound strange?
I will be strong for her and her husband.
My friend is also friend to my husband and has seen him more than me as he does jobs for her around the house and business. He has taken this really bad and to see him upset makes it even worse as he does not show his emotions.
Once again thanks guys your comments ar very helpfull.

Quillion

kittiej wrote: »

Well said coco, I second that.

Why not take a wedding present to break any awkwardness? After all your friend has just got married so why not celebrate this.

Big hugs to you Quillion.

Just been reading the posts to my husnband he likes this idea.
Perhaps a Bottle of Asti and some glasses would be nice.

xx

Stephb1986_2

im so sorry to hear of your friend being ill my uncle died 4 years ago from cancer he was 40 it was a shame.

the only thing you can do is offer your friend and her husband support do her washing and ironing stuff like that.

I hope that there is a god out there that will stop her from being in pain.

love and best wishes

Steph xx

Quillion

Not sure about God but the morphine is helping. Sorry thats what she would say.
Ok guys off to do some shopping catch you later x