drugs in the family

Hardup_Hester

Stay strong MM, I hope you can find some local support.

high-rise_andrew

& to MM, time to make time for you sweetheart. There's an old saying in support/recovery that its good to laugh but lest not forget that we cried. You've had your sleepless nights. I saw it with my own mum with my brother who ran away to London, but he is now happily married and running his own business & bought a house this year. & I remember a lady member of AA told me years ago that when she used to get angry she would throw shoes at the wall. Its ok to be off your head;) BIG hug as always.

System

About 10 years ago my eldest son got into Heroin. I didnt know at the time but by the time I found out he owed the local dealer quite a bit of money.

We didnt have the money to give him at the time and it was debatable whether it was the best thing given the circumstances anyway but we arranged that if he was serious about giving up the drugs, he wouldnt be able to do it in the area he lived in because half of his friends were using too. I couldnt take the risk of him bringing back trouble home so between us we arranged for him to go and live with his sister who lived about 40 miles away. It was the best thing we could have done for him.

He returned to the area we live in about 3 years ago, has had a series of HIV and Hepatitis C tests which thankfully came back clear and I am happy to say he is now drug free. He has a home, a family and is happy and secure. Addicts just need the desire to give up and a helping hand on the way.

The hardest part for me was despite loving him, having to be impartial and objective.

One peice of advice for you, dont let him in your house unsupervised, he may or may not steal from you but its good to put temptation out of his way and under no circumstances give him money. I put food in my sons tummy and I bought him some clothes when his own got destroyed by a dealer who got tipped off as to where he was staying as I couldnt send him to his sister with only the clothes he was wearing but under no circumstances, would I have given him money.

nuttywoman

I had this also with my son when from the age of 16, and the only thing to do is Tough Love. Its damned hard when its your own child believe me, he moved out and lived in another town. His new friends turned up on my doorstep and i told them to clear off and not come back - well not in those words !
When he did ask to come home, he came on our terms, he had to get a job, pay board and other things.
He`s 22 now, works away all week and has a lovely girlfriend.
But , after all he put us through i`m aways on guard and thats because my trust in him has gone.I hope i get it back.
I do hope things get better for you and your family.

cobbingstones

Thank you for sharing your stories. It means alot to know your not alone.

MM x

Pink.

Hi madsmum,

I really feel for you and the difficult situation you are in. As others have said I think you are doing the right thing.

As your thread has now dropped down the Old Style board I've moved it across to the Family board to see if you can get any more help there.

Pink

Racklen

stand your ground its hard coping with drugs in the family especially your children but drugs take over them and they will sell thier own monther for the drugs , if you give the money over your only supporting their habit and remember its not always a parent fault that their kids turned to drugs some people will just go down that route no matter how you brought them, be strong theirs many other people out their going through similar things and will understand and not judge you because of it. i do hope that your son manages to sort himsxself out in the future too

harrassedmum

My heart goes out to you and you ARE doing the right thing, tough love. Just continue what you are doing. He will hit rock bottom but you have to let him. When he is at the bottom he has to decide 'sink or swim'. He will swim but he has to do it alone. Thats what tough love is all about. We always love our children but we have the right not to like their behaviour. Just stay strong. Really hope everything goes well for both you and your son. Good luck.

Savvy_Sue

Fam-Anon are definitely worth talking to.

Also an old thread here which may have some useful advice for you.