drugs in the family

cobbingstones

Hi all

I've just had my 18 year old ds on the phone begging me for £70. He kept telling me that I'd see him next in hospital if I did not give him the money. It appears some other person is after long owed monies from him. He borrowed money from us (£100) months ago and believe me at times we so desperately needed that money back. He takes money of his nan all the time to the point that she has to hide it if she knows he is going to turn up. He is heavily in Coke.

I feel so awful not giving him what he needs. I know this is the right thing to do, but its so very hard. He no doubt won't talk to me for weeks now.

That's for reading

MM

high-rise_andrew

Let go & let the power of the universe fellow mse. When someone has addictions they have to hit bottom and feel that they have nowhere else to go before they ask for help. Keep strong & perhaps seek a support network for folk in your position. You are NO longer alone. BIG hug.

globalds

This is less about drugs .And more about a lad who doesn't want to pay up .
He won't learn if you pay for him ...If it's a Friday night and he is after £70 .00 ,Im afraid it looks like he is trying to get the cash to buy some more ,not settle any debts .

Curv

(((hugs))) madsmum.

FWIW, I think you are doing exactly the right thing for your DS. I'd like to think I'd have the strength of character and love for my DS by doing the same thing in your situation.

Stay strong

xx

elaine373

I have an 18 year old son and would be gutted if he was in that position but i agree with the previous poster who said that sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to get back up and recover. Have you sought help from any drugs support agency? If you havent ,then now is the time to do so. Big hugs and remember we are here.

blue_monkey_2

Hi OP, I know it is hard but you have done the right thing. If you keep on bailing him out then how is he ever going to change. And what a shame his nan has to hid her money. But this is what drugs do to you. He might get the right help if he ends up in hospital.

You have done the right thing, where do you draw the line each time he asks you or money - £70, £100 (which you already gave him), £300, £1000? His problems, let him deal with them and the consequences. Bailing him out is helping him take more drugs and he will never accept and get help for the addition he has.

My thoughts are with you.

Old_Meanie

I am so sorry madsmum you must feel so dreadful and whatever you do is never going to solve the problem is it? My son went through a sticky patch just after leaving school and I must confess I began to think it was all my fault. You have to accept that at this time in his life drugs are his life and the only thing he cares about is the next fix. He has shown that he does not care who gets hurt as long as he begs, borrows or might even steal the money he needs. You are doing the right thing he is an adult now and must take responsibility for his own decisions. That said do get support if you can from others in this position as this will help and you must look after yourself first. As an ex smoker I will tell you that until he wants to give up drugs himself no one else will be able to influence him it has to be his decision. Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts from a fellow mum and hoping in time you will get your son back.

pigpen

My cousin is spending 18 years in prison for drug related crime.. armed robbery to be precise..

You did nothing wrong.. he is doing this to himself.. he got into this himself and one day if he is lucky he will decide he wants out.. that is when you must help him.. for now.. stick by him, let him know you love him and you are there whenever he needs you.. don't give him money or anything he can sell to get money.

hugest of hugs to you.. I hope I never have to go through what you are experiencing right now but I hope with every fibre of my being you and your son find a path out of this.

meanmarie

Madsmum

Hugs to you, look after yourself and you will be doing the right thing by yourself and your son

Marie

moanymoany

Madsmum, you are doing the right thing for both yourself and your son. I can sympathise with how difficult this is for you, but you can only do what you have to do.

Even the best and most perfect parents cannot help the company their children fall into and the friends are always more important to people of this age than their parents.

We have friends that were in the same situation as you are. They got their son back on track - or so they thought. As soon as he was out of their 'orbit' he went back to his old 'friends'.

You can only do what you can do.

:grouphug:

cobbingstones

Thank you all so much. I just felt so down and so frustrated. He makes me feel so useless and mean when he wants money.

Again, thanks for your support.

MM x