What's the definition of an alcoholic?

Soubrette

Habit and addiction are intertwined so tightly that it is hard to unwind one without the other.

The huge pointer to me is that your husband cannot cut down despite it upsetting you so much. If he is not an alcoholic then he is a problem drinker.

Have you thought about going to Al-anon? You need to take control of those things that you are able to have control over, unfortunately he isn't one of those

Good luck

Sou

tanith

I agree too that there is a problem , I was married to a 'problem drinker' for 22yrs and it took me many years to realise it was his problem not mine.. we eventually divorced because of it.. he managed to run his own business and hide it from his parents too.. they were amazed when they finally realised that he was a drinker.. they too just thought he drank a couple to wind down, relax or chill. He now has liver damage and living on benefits..

I think a sure sign is if you ever have to make excuses for him because of his drinking... and when he drinks in the evening its fully possible he could still be over the limit the next morning and then gets in his car and drives...

Sorry to be doom and gloom but the sorry truth is that he is the only one who can change his drinking habits and if he doesn't want to then there is nothing you can do.. it doesn't sound as if its impacting your life too much yet I hope it stays that way...

Somerset

As someone else said, heavy drinkers are not necessarily alcoholics. Might be, might not. There's a 20 question test which a person can take which indicates whether there's a problem with alcohol - but there's no point me posting a link, because your husband wouldn't take it. He won't admit there is a problem ( IF there is ). He's certainly not looking for help ( because there's no problem ). Nagging and confrontation won't MAKE him admit or do anything - it has to come from him.

Go to alanon. YOU think there's a problem, YOU think he's an alcoholic. They won't laugh at you. They'll have heard it all before. You don't need him to admit to the alcoholic 'label' before you're allowed 'in'. Many alcoholics would never acknowledge it. Forget about making him do 'tests' to prove anything to you. It's pointless. Just do what you need to do - you think there's a problem so go to the place/group where you can get support for you.

suki1964

It was when I found I couldnt stop drinking for a few days that I checked in to detox.

I was in total denial till that point, even though I was already being seen by the alcohol team at the mental health unit.

I am an alcoholic but as to is your partner - only he can say

As for yourself, as somerset has offered, as you have a problem with his drinking then you may find support and understanding at Al - Anon

You can "fix" him, only he can do that and as he sees it hes not broken. Get the help YOU need for you.

Good luck

Savvy_Sue

I agree, go to al-anon, I'm sure they won't laugh at you. But I don't think you'll be able to convince him he has a problem until and unless he wants to do something about it, so if you can't live with it ...

Andrean_2

There is a problem alright, if not for him presently but for you, as you are rightly concerned it will become a problem for him in the future, despite having a normal LFT (Liver Function Test). This is not a definitive indicator of how his liver is btw, only a biopsy can do that.
The biggest problem you have is his denial and the strain in your relationship. Only he can ease up on the drinking, so I'm afraid you may as well bash your head against a wall talking to him.
It is so tough for you and you have my sympathy. Just wish I had a magic wand.

bryanb

Definition of an alcoholic- Someone who drinks more than their doctor.
As told to me by my doctor.

geri1965_2

If my OH drank only two cans a night I'd be more than happy.

I don't think there is a problem here, really.

My partner will drink a whole bottle of Southern Comfort in one go, or 12-14 cans of lager (not every day but once or twice a week).

It's much better to drink a little a day rather than completely overload your system and binge drink.

Mark7799

From what the OP has said, I wouldn't consider her OH an alcoholic. His drinking is causing a problem, the tension between them is evident of that.

Personally, I like a drink a couple of times a week, have to admit that I now drink probably about a quarter of what I drank when I was 20 years younger:o .

Recognising an alcoholic is a bit like spotting the elephant - you know it when you see it. I've only dealt with two people who I thought were alcoholics and the OP's DH doesn't fit their descriptions. By the sound of it, he likes a drink and it seems like a habit he can't break - does his drinking increase when he's not working/on holiday? What if you engaged in other activities on a couple of nights to break the link with drinking every night?

Pennylane

Someone earlier suggested asking him to refrain for 3 days and I think that's a good suggestion.

I barely drink, in fact it wouldn't bother me if I never drank alcohol ever again. I really can take it or leave it. But hubby likes a drink - he is not a pub person but often buys a couple of cans for an evening.

A few years ago when I stopped smoking he was very supportive and said he'd stop drinking (his idea not mine!) and he went for about six months and lost loads of weight too! It wasn't a problem for him and he said he actually felt better.

In answer to the question about when does a person admit they are alcoholic - some never recognise they have a problem. My friend had to divorce her hubby after 22 YEARS as his drinking had cost them their house, his job, his driving licence and it was badly affecting their two young kids. Alcohol ruined his body and he was really ill.

He died last year aged 51 and she was the only person he had left. On his deathbed he was STILL asking the question "How did it ever come to this?" My friend could not believe that it STILL hadn't sunk in that he had a problem despite being told 15 years earlier that he was killing himself and must stop.