please please help worried and scared

whitewing

Nadine,

Althou we were lucky enough not to have debts, our spending was out of control (closed my eyes at the cashpoint so I didn't see the balance!)

We sat down and talked, I worked out a budget, it started to go wrong, I reworked the budget, we moved house, I worked out a budget, it went wrong, MIL moved in, it went very wrong, it got better, it fluctuates all the time. WE ARE STILL LEARNING! Learning so far has taken us over a year.

I made the mistake of being the one to always sort it out. OH stuck to what I told him to do mostly. But the whole responsibility of making it work was mine, as long as OH was hardly spending. When I got cross the other day as he hadn't put the receipts in the box, or logged his cash spends, his answer was to give me back the debit cards.

At that point we realised that we both had to take joint responsibility and neither shirk it, althou neither of us wanted to manage it. That means sitting down together to make the plans, but also (where we failed) sitting down together to monitor the plans. OH has now understood when I say he needs to get another part time job, that I am not saying it because I don't value what he already does for us. I say it because there is no way round the fact that we need a small amount of additional money each week as a family. It is easier for him to get the job than for me at the moment.

If you are not meeting 'targets' then hubby needs to know at that point. (OH drops issues on me at the last moment, when I have to drop everything and sort them out and that drives me absolutely nuts, makes me shout and hurts me so much). Hubby though should be knowing what payments are due in advance and checking that you as a family are in a position to make them.

It may be your fault that you got into this mess, but you need to work fully together to work yourselves out. You will make further mistakes before it is all resolved (we did); this is part of the process. He will be upset if he feels it is continually out of control. Show him this thread, and that you are committed to sorting things out. Good luck.

nadine08

thanks so much for your help youve brought a tear to my eye!! i just got my baby girl and hugged her so tight she wondered what was going on!!!
i have got a new job that starts on monday, god knows how ill do it with all this going on, i feel in no fit state to start a new job!!! well i have the provident loan now so its done, will be paid in december. was thinking of taking another loan with welcome to pay the arrears and provident, anyone any experience of welcome?

Here goes

Mortgage 1085
Ctax 145
water 55
gas/elec 108
sky 30
broadband & phone 32
payments for his other daugther 80
my 2 debts 35
phone contracts 70
house ins 11
car ins 29
tv lic 12
overdraft interest 70
petrol 260 (he works a 75 mile round trip away 6 days a week)
food shop 400

i think thats it

incomings
his 470 or 500 a week
mine 110 a week
cb 18 a week
tax credits 10 a week

total 2435
outgoings 2422

have a done all this right, hope so!!!

something must be wrong somewhere cos on my spreadsheet it leaves us £90 a week spare each month.

nadine08

no no no i meant it leaves us £90 a month spare. god i wish it was a week that would sort me out!!!

benbenandme

I agree with Panias post about ebay. Even if you don't manage to make all the money you need by next saturday you can still sit down at spreadsheet time and say "because of the job ending things have been a bit off-track, but I have been aware of it and have done something about it". Perhaps then you could ask him to be more involved with checking you are on track?? The more communication you have the better Good luck !!

robpw2

ok you pay 32.00 +30.00 for phone broadband and sky £62.00
you could get all three from sky and pay £26.00 +11.50 line rental this is a saving of £24.00
food shopping you could cut this by 50% by planning meals shopping around etc
mobie phone contracts could you reduce those (are you using the availible minutes) if not follow martins advixe on five.tv/itpaystowatch
your gas and electricity have you done a price comparison recently to make sure your getting the cheapeast amount ? also when applying for insurance use quidco etc (the money they recieve passes back to you_

ald65

Nadine

Taking a loan out to pay a loan isn't usually a good solution.
Sorry I have no knowledge of Welcome finance, however someone will come along who will be able to advise.

nadine08

i never thought of moving the mortgage date, at the mo i am paying aprils mortgage on 16th may, mays mortgage on the 5th june, junes mortgage on 4th july and so on. i dont think the amounts are the thing thats so bad, it aint thousands, just the fact i havent been honest in the last few weeks and told him!

robpw2

I think if you told him and showed him you were in process of sorting it out etc and you could give you both another £100 etc to live off a month then he would be upset but pleased your sorting it

benbenandme

Is the €80 for his other daughter a maintenance payment? This seems fairly low?? Usually this is 15% of his take-home pay, but then a bit lower as he has other kids.

Also there is nothing on there for car tax, birthdays, haircuts, clothes etc.
There is room there for some savings so before you know it things will be looking up again Keep posting !!

nadine08

never thought of that with sky will phone up and ask thanks, mobiles are in a 18 month contract so cant do nothing about that gonna go payg next time, done gas/elec comparisoins and eon are the cheapest. is so frustrating if i could just get 255 from somewhere i could pay c tax and mortgage arrears then just say look sorry mortgage is still a bit behind but everything else is cool! do you know what i dont know any of you guys but i feel better already from coming on here, i have calmed right down. i been drinking too much too to try and make it easier. not a good route to go down.