please please help worried and scared

nadine08

please help I am new here and need help. My hubby thinks that on 17th may when our mortgage is due we are back on track with it, but we wont be still gonna be paying it 2/3 weeks late. Also the council tax is 145 a month and he thinks its 135, cos I owe £140 from last year. Basically back in april 06 he found out i had some debts he didnt know about, my mat allowance ended and i couldnt get jsa and i new i had to tell him. he went mental and stuff we cried but sorted it out. i promised to pay stuff bit by bit every month, ended up falling behind with payments as not enough money coming in, so yet again in jan 07 he found out, went mental and said if anything like this happended again he couldnt handle it, that would be it. we set up standing orders for them and one is now paid, one paid in july and one in december this year. basically back in nov 07 he trusted me again to juggle around the dds etc to afford xmas. it was all ok until last month when my temp job ended. we were back on track for the mortgage to be up to date in may as been paying it late, now we wont be and got £155 arrears too. Please please help with advice as I am so scared. He wants to sit down next sat and do a new spreadsheet as mine ends at the end of april but how can I tell him I have messed up a 3rd time!!! I am on edge, feel sick and worried all the time, shouting at my 2 year old and not playing with her, she just put something in my face and i screamed at her and she cried, i feel so bad and now i am crying. its not her fault and yet i am taking it out on her. i never feel happy just worried and sick all cos of bloody money. Please help cos I am so scared he will want me to leave or something!!!! i am sat here wanting to just run away and i feel sick with worry.

robpw2

sorry to hear your predicamnet honesty helps. post your soa and we can see where you can save money and also try and help

nadine08

I guess its small compared to some poor peoples debts etc but it seems big to me. I also have a provident loan but no way am i telling him that, my agent is like a mate anyway so i guess there is no reason to tell him that, I cant no way!!!

nadine08

sorry what is a soa?

robpw2

statement of account. Its small but debt can be big r small .

YOu put down what you spend each month (be honest) and what you have coming in and people on here will give you suggestions of reducing things

nadine08

ok i see. there isnt really a problem with the monthly stuff except the mortgage being late, basically we have about £100 spare each month after everything is paid bills, mortgage, food, petrol, just no savings!! I am just scared of telling him.

ald65

Stay calm, there are lots of people around on here who will come along and offer helpful advice. post your SOA and await the replies.

robpw2

tell him but you could still find out a way of getting more than the 100 quid if you dont ask you dont get
You could (no promises) find that £155 pound shortfall by ammending your monthly spend etc

pania

Good morning Nadine, and welldone for coing on here. there is lots and lots of help around. please don't be so scared, we have 7 days to sort this before spreadsheet day.
Do you have anything that you can list on ebay? little'uns old toys she no longer plays with? any clothes you no longer wear? have a real good rummage around and see what you can find. Pop them on over the next couple of days on a five day listing and come next week you should be able to tell hubby thta due to your job ending you are slightly off track but you have xx pounds to bring it further up to date. It is obvious from your post that you are really trying hard and yay! to those debts ending soon! you haven't messed up. your job has ended which was not your fault and to be judged so would be rather harsh. did he not realise that would have an impact on your finances?
what are the chances of a new job coming up again?
Get together a list of your incomings and outgoings, including the debts if you can, interest rates, balances, available balances if credit cards?
that way we can suggest ways for you to cut back that you may not have realised before.
also do you keep a spending diary? that would be a good ay of keeping tabs on where the money is going.
Please try not to worry as it really does sound asthough it's a matter of circumstance and not you mucking up. I'm also concerned by "I owe" you're a married couple so surely you both owe?
Big hugs to you and little one. pick her up and give her a cuddle then get ebay hunting girl! go on, go!!
lots of love
P
xxx

shell_girl

Well done for posting Nadine. It sounds as if you’re under lots of pressure from your OH which isn’t really fair- he seems to want you to do all of the budgeting but blames you if things go wrong. Ideally this is something that you would work at together- especially if one of you has had problems in this area in the past.

A SOA is a statement of affairs- a list of your incomings and outgoings every month, and a list of debts owed and the interest rates- including the provident loan. I know you said that the provident loan is from someone who’s more like a mate… I don’t want to sound harsh but provident agents are ALWAYS ‘like a mate’. They are taught to be so that you will feel guilty and uncomfortable if you can’t afford to pay them. The APR on provident loans are usually stupidly high- with the money you are probably making for this agent no wonder they are friendly towards you.

Welcome to DFW- you will get so much help and support here you’ll be feeling better in no time at all. Make a cuppa, sit down and write down as much detail as you can about what you’ve got coming in and going out every month- then we’ll get cracking on it.

ald65

Sorry crossed with your last post.

Is there any way you can change your payment date on the mortgage , some companies are happy to move monthly payment date